The White Peacock. Дэвид Герберт Лоуренс

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СКАЧАТЬ nicknamed the “Blood-Tub,” watching heroes die with much writhing, and heaving, and struggling up to say a word, and collapsing without having said it, six of their silly sheep were slaughtered in the field. At every house it was enquired of the dog; nowhere had one been loose.

      Mr. Saxton had some thirty sheep on the Common. George determined that the easiest thing was ​for him to sleep out with them. He built a shelter of hurdles interlaced with brushwood, and in the sunny afternoon we collected piles of bracken, browning to the ruddy winter-brown now. He slept there for a week, but that week aged his mother like a year. She was out in the cold morning twilight watching, with her apron over her head, for his approach. She did not rest with the thought of him out on the Common.

      Therefore, on Saturday night he brought down his rugs, and took up Gyp to watch in his stead. For some time we sat looking at the stars over the dark hills. Now and then a sheep coughed, or a rabbit rustled beneath the brambles, and Gyp whined. The mist crept over the gorse-bushes, and the webs on the brambles were white;—the devil throws his net over the blackberries as soon as September’s back is turned, they say.

      “I saw two fellows go by with bags and nets,” said George, as we sat looking out of his little shelter.

      “Poachers,” said I. “Did you speak to them?”

      “No—they didn’t see me. I was dropping asleep when a rabbit rushed under the blanket, all of a shiver, and a whippet dog after it. I gave the whippet a punch in the neck, and he yelped off. The rabbit stopped with me quite a long time—then it went.”

      “How did you feel?”

      “I didn’t care. I don’t care much what happens just now. Father could get along without me, and mother has the children. I think I shall emigrate.”

      “Why didn’t you before?”

      “Oh, I don’t know. There are a lot of little ​comforts and interests at home that one would miss. Besides, you feel somebody in your own countryside, and you’re nothing in a foreign part, I expect.”

      “But you’re going?”

      “What is there to stop here for? The valley is all running wild and unprofitable. You’ve no freedom for thinking of what the other folks think of you, and everything round you keeps the same, and so you can’t change yourself—because everything you look at brings up the same old feeling, and stops you from feeling fresh things. And what is there that’s worth anything?—What’s worth having in my life?”

      “I thought,” said I, “your comfort was worth having.”

      He sat still and did not answer.

      “What’s shaken you out of your nest?” I asked.

      “I don’t know. I’ve not felt the same since that row with Annable. And Lettie said to me: ‘Here, you can’t live as you like—in any way or circumstance. You’re like a bit out of those coloured marble mosaics in the hall, you have to fit in your own set, fit into your own pattern, because you’re put there from the first. But you don’t want to be like a fixed bit of a mosaic—you want to fuse into life, and melt and mix with the rest of folk, to have some things burned out of you——’ She was downright serious.”

      “Well, you need not believe her. When did you see her?”

      “She came down on Wednesday, when I was getting the apples in the morning. She climbed a tree with me, and there was a wind, that was why I was ​getting all the apples, and it rocked us, me right up at the top, she sitting half way down holding the basket. I asked her didn’t she think that free kind of life was the best, and that was how she answered me.”

      “You should have contradicted her.”

      “It seemed true. I never thought of it being wrong, in fact.”

      “Come—that sounds bad.”

      “No—I thought she looked down on us—on our way of life. I thought she meant I was like a toad in a hole.”

      “You should have sho^vn her different.”

      “How could I when I could see no different?”

      “It strikes me you’re in love.”

      He laughed at the idea, saying, “No, but it is rotten to find that there isn’t a single thing you have to be proud of.”

      “This is a new tune for you.”

      He pulled the grass moodily.

      “And when do you think of going?”

      “Oh—I don’t know—I’ve said nothing to mother. Not yet,—at any rate not till spring.”

      “Not till something has happened,” said I.

      “What?” he asked.

      “Something decisive.”

      “I don’t know what can happen—unless the Squire turns us out.”

      “No?” I said.

      He did not speak.

      “You should make things happen,” said I.

      “Don’t make me feel a worse fool, Cyril,” he replied despairingly.

      ​Gyp whined and jumped, tugging her chain to follow us. The grey blurs among the blackness of the bushes were resting sheep. A chill, dim mist crept along the ground.

      “But, for all that, Cyril,” he said, “to have her laugh at you across the table; to hear her sing as she moved about, before you are washed at night, when the fire’s warm, and you’re tired; to have her sit by you on the hearth seat, close and soft. . . .”

      “In Spain,” I said. “In Spain.”

      He took no notice, but turned suddenly, laughing.

      “Do you know, when I was stooking up, lifting the sheaves, it felt like having your arm round a girl. It was quite a sudden sensation.”

      “You’d better take care,” said I, “you’ll mesh yourself in the silk of dreams, and then——”

      He laughed, not having heard my words.

      “The time seems to go like lightning—thinking” he confessed—“I seem to sweep the mornings up in a handful.”

      “Oh, Lord!” said I. “Why don’t you scheme forgetting what you want, instead of dreaming fulfilments?”

      “Well,” he replied. “If it was a fine dream, wouldn’t you want to go on dreaming?” and with that he finished, and I went home.

      I sat at my window looking out, trying to get things straight. Mist rose, and wreathed round Nethermere, like ghosts meeting and embracing sadly. I thought of the time when my friend should not follow the harrow on our own snug valley side, and when Lettie’s room next mine should be closed to hide its emptiness, not its joy. My heart clung ​passionately СКАЧАТЬ