Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature. Various

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      "'I am not surprised,' he answered, 'that you should fail to stand the test. I didn't expect it.'

      "'Let me try it on you!' cried Shelldrake. 'You, now, have some intellect—I don't deny that—but not so much, by a long shot, as you think you have. Besides that, you're awfully selfish in your opinions. You won't admit that anybody can be right who differs from you. You've sponged on me for a long time; but I suppose I've learned something from you, so we'll call it even. I think, however, that what you call acting according to impulse is simply an excuse to cover your own laziness.'

      "'Gosh! that's it!' interrupted Perkins, jumping up; then, recollecting himself, he sank down on the steps again, and shook with a suppressed 'Ho! ho! ho!'

      "Hollins, however, drew himself up with an exasperated air.

      "'Shelldrake,' said he, 'I pity you. I always knew your ignorance, but I thought you honest in your human character. I never suspected you of envy and malice. However, the true Reformer must expect to be misunderstood and misrepresented by meaner minds. That love which I bear to all creatures teaches me to forgive you. Without such love, all plans of progress must fail. Is it not so, Abel?'"

      "Shelldrake could only ejaculate the words, 'Pity!' 'Forgive!' in his most contemptuous tone; while Mrs. Shelldrake, rocking violently in her chair, gave utterance to that peculiar clucking 'ts, ts, ts, ts,' whereby certain women express emotions too deep for words.

      "Abel, roused by Hollins' question, answered, with a sudden energy—

      "Love! there is no love in the world. Where will you find it? Tell me, and I'll go there. Love! I'd like to see it! If all human hearts were like mine, we might have an Arcadia; but most men have no hearts. The world is a miserable, hollow, deceitful shell of vanity and hypocrisy. No: let us give up. We were born before our time: this age is not worthy of us.'

      "Hollins stared at the speaker in utter amazement. Shelldrake gave a long whistle, and finally gasped out—

      "'Well, what next?'

      "None of us were prepared for such a sudden and complete wreck of our Arcadian scheme. The foundations had been sapped before, it is true; but we had not perceived it; and now, in two short days, the whole edifice tumbled about our ears. Though it was inevitable, we felt a shock of sorrow, and a silence fell upon us. Only that scamp of a Perkins Brown, chuckling and rubbing his boot, really rejoiced. I could have kicked him.

      "We all went to bed, feeling that the charm of our Arcadian life was over. … In the first revulsion of feeling, I was perhaps unjust to my associates. I see now, more clearly, the causes of those vagaries, which originated in a genuine aspiration, and failed from an ignorance of the true nature of Man, quite as much as from the egotism of the individuals. Other attempts at reorganizing Society were made about the same time by men of culture and experience, but in the A.C. we had neither. Our leaders had caught a few half-truths, which, in their minds, were speedly warped into errors." … —The Atlantic Monthly, February, 1862.

WILLIAM ALLEN BUTLER.

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(BORN, 1825.)

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DOBBS HIS FERRY.

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      A Legend of the Lower Hudson.

      The days were at their longest,

       The heat was at its strongest,

       When Brown, old friend and true,

       Wrote thus: "Dear Jack, why swelter

       In town when shade and shelter

       Are waiting here for you?

       Quit Bulls and Bears and gambling,

       For rural sports and rambling

       Forsake your Wall Street tricks;

       Come without hesitation,

       Check to Dobbs' Ferry Station,

       We dine at half-past six."

       I went—a welcome hearty,

       A merry country party,

       A drive, and then croquet,

       A quiet, well-cooked dinner,

       Three times at billiards winner—

       The evening sped away;

       When Brown, the dear old joker,

       Cried, "Come, my worthy broker,

       The hour is growing late;

       Your room is cool and quiet,

       As for the bed, just try it,

       Breakfast at half-past eight."

       I took Brown's hand, applauded

       His generous care, and lauded

       Dobbs' Ferry to the skies.

       A shade came o'er his features,

       "We should be happy creatures,

       And this a paradise,

       But, ah! the deep disgrace is,

       This loveliest of places

       A vulgar name should blight!

       But, death to Dobbs! we'll change it,

       If money can arrange it,

       So, pleasant dreams; good night!"

       I could not sleep, but, raising

       The window, stood, moon-gazing,

       In fairyland a guest;

       "On such a night," et cetera— See Shakespeare for much better a Description of the rest— I mused, how sweet to wander Beside the river, yonder; And then the sudden whim Seized my head to pillow On Hudson's sparkling billow, A midnight, moonlight swim! Soon thought and soon attempted; At once my room was emptied Of its sole occupant; The roof was low, and easily, In fact, quite Japanese-ily, I took the downward slant, Then, without stay or stopping, My first and last eaves-dropping, By leader-pipe I sped, And through the thicket gliding, Down the steep hillside sliding, Soon reached the river's bed. But what was my amazement— The fair scene from the casement, How changed! I could not guess Where track or rails had vanished, Town, villas, station, banished— All was a wilderness. Only one ancient gable, A low-roofed inn and stable, A creaking sign displayed, СКАЧАТЬ