Jonah and Co. Yates Dornford

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СКАЧАТЬ remember you've seen your brother-in-law led off like an ox to the shambles—he's there now—financially crippled, and then compelled to tie up and address innumerable parcels, for the simple reason that, when they're at the shops Daphne's faculty of allotment invariably refuses to function."

      Jill slid an arm through her brother's, patted his hand affectionately, and looked at Adèle.

      "If Boy breaks down," she said sweetly, "I'll lend you my ox. He's simply splendid at parcels."

      "You've got to find something to do up first," said I. "This isn't

       Paris."

      A colour was lent to my foreboding within the hour.

      As we sat down to luncheon—

      "Yes," said Berry, "my vixen and I have spent a delightful morning.

       We've been through fourteen shops and bought two amethyst necklets and

       a pot of marmalade. I subsequently dropped the latter in the Place

       Royale, so we're actually twelve down."

      "Whereabouts in the Place Royale?" I inquired.

      "Just outside the Club. Everybody I knew was either going in or coming out, so it went very well indeed."

      There was a gust of laughter.

      "N-not on the pavement?" whimpered Jill.

      "On the pavement," said Daphne. "It was dreadful. I never was so ashamed. Of course I begged him to pick it up before it ran out. D'you think he'd do it? Not he. Said it was written, and it was no good fighting against Fate, and that he'd rather wash his hands of it than after it, and that sort of stuff. Then Nobby began to lick it up. … But for Fitch, I think we should have been arrested. Mercifully, we'd told him to wait for us by the bandstand, and he saw the whole thing."

      "It's all very fine," said her husband. "It was I who furnished and suggested the use of the current issue of Le Temps, and, without that, Fitch couldn't have moved. As it was, one sheet made a shroud, another a pall, and Nobby's beard and paws were appropriately wiped upon the ever-burning scandal of 'Reparations.'"

      "I gather," said Jonah, "that the dissolution of the preserve turned an indifferent success into a howling failure. Of course, I haven't seen the necklets but … "

      "I can't pretend it's easy," said Daphne. "It isn't that there aren't any shops——"

      "No," said Berry emphatically, "it isn't that."

      "—but somehow … Still, if we go on long enough, we shall find something."

      "That's it," said her husband. "We're going to put our backs into it this afternoon. After we've done another twelve shops without buying anything, we're going to have police protection. Not that we need it, you know, but it'll improve my morale."

      "If only Sally was here," said Jill, "she could have told us where to go."

      "If only her sailor would turn up," said Adèle, "we might be able to get all our presents from him."

      "That's an idea," said Jonah. "What was the merchant's name?"

      Amid a buzz of excitement, Daphne sent for the letter which had announced Sarah Featherstone's departure from Pau. When it arrived, she read the material portion aloud.

      " … George, can't get away, so Peter and I are going home for Christmas. We'll be back the first week in January. I've told the Marats that if Planchet (the sailor who sold me the shawl, etc.) turns up before I get back, he's to be sent on to you. If he's got anything extra-special that you're not keen on, you might get it for me …"

      "Well, I never thought I should live to say it," said Berry, "but, after what I've gone through this morning, if Planchet were to totter in this afternoon, laden with at once cheap and pretentious goods, I should fall upon his bull neck."

      "Who," said I, "are the Marats?"

      "They're the married couple who run the flat. I believe they're wonderful. Sally says she never knew what service was before."

      "I do hope," said Jill, twittering, "they don't make any mistake."

      "I've no fear of that," said Adèle. "I can't answer for the man, because we didn't see him, but Madame Marat's no fool."

      "Incidentally," said I, "it's one thing giving Planchet our address, but it's quite another persuading him to fetch up. He may have other sheep to shear."

      "We can only pray that he hasn't," said Daphne. "It's too much to expect him to have another shawl, but I should like the first pick of what he has."

      Berry regarded his wife.

      "If," he said, "you will swear to select from his wares all the blinkin' presents with which you propose to signalise this Yuletide, I'll—I'll tie them all up without a word."

      "Same here," said I. "Our gifts will cost us more, but we shall live the longer."

      "Ditto," said Jonah.

      The girls agreed cheerfully, and, before luncheon was over, it had been decided to give Planchet three days in which to make his appearance, and that, if he had not arrived by that time, then and then only should we resort to the shops.

      Less than an hour had elapsed, and we were just about to make ready to take the air by the simple expedient of proceeding at a high speed in the direction of Biarritz, when Falcon entered the room.

      "There's an individual, madam, 'as come to the door——"

      "Planchet? Is it Planchet?"

      "I'm afraid I can 'ardly say, madam, but 'e 'as this address upon a piece of note-paper, madam, and——"

      "All right, Falcon, I'll come."

      The butler's valiant endeavours to cope with the heritage of Babel were better known to us than he imagined. More than once his efforts to extract from strangers that information which was his due, and at the same time, like a juggler of many parts, to keep the balls of Dignity and Courtesy rolling, had been overheard, and had afforded us gratification so pronounced as to necessitate the employment of cushions and other improvised gags if our faithful servant's feelings were to come to no harm.

      "I'll go," said Jill and Adèle simultaneously.

      We all went, and we were all just in time to see our visitor precede the Sealyham in the direction of the lodge.

      Aghast at such ill-timed pleasantry, we erupted pellmell into the drive, all frantic by word or deed to distract the terrier from his purpose. Shrieks, curses, and a copy of La Fontaine's Fables were hurled simultaneously and in vain at our favourite, and it was Berry, to whom the fear of further acquaintance with the emporiums of Pau must have lent wings, who actually overtook and discomfited the pursuer some three yards from the road.

      It was with feelings of inexpressible relief that we presently beheld the three returning—Berry alternately rebuking the Sealyham, who was under his arm, and apologising to his guest, the latter wide-eyed, something СКАЧАТЬ