Complete Works. D. H. Lawrence

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СКАЧАТЬ but could only lie like a log. Moreover, he had himself violent pains in the head. It was Saturday. Towards noon he rose, cut himself food in the pantry, ate it with his head dropped, then pulled on his boots, and went out, to return at three o'clock slightly tipsy and relieved; then once more straight to bed. He rose again at six in the evening, had tea and went straight out.

      Sunday was the same: bed till noon, the Palmerston Arms till 2.30, dinner, and bed; scarcely a word spoken. When Mrs. Morel went upstairs, towards four o'clock, to put on her Sunday dress, he was fast asleep. She would have felt sorry for him, if he had once said, “Wife, I'm sorry.” But no; he insisted to himself it was her fault. And so he broke himself. So she merely left him alone. There was this deadlock of passion between them, and she was stronger.

      The family began tea. Sunday was the only day when all sat down to meals together.

      “Isn't my father going to get up?” asked William.

      “Let him lie,” the mother replied.

      There was a feeling of misery over all the house. The children breathed the air that was poisoned, and they felt dreary. They were rather disconsolate, did not know what to do, what to play at.

      Immediately Morel woke he got straight out of bed. That was characteristic of him all his life. He was all for activity. The prostrated inactivity of two mornings was stifling him.

      It was near six o'clock when he got down. This time he entered without hesitation, his wincing sensitiveness having hardened again. He did not care any longer what the family thought or felt.

      The tea-things were on the table. William was reading aloud from “The Child's Own”, Annie listening and asking eternally “why?” Both children hushed into silence as they heard the approaching thud of their father's stockinged feet, and shrank as he entered. Yet he was usually indulgent to them.

      Morel made the meal alone, brutally. He ate and drank more noisily than he had need. No one spoke to him. The family life withdrew, shrank away, and became hushed as he entered. But he cared no longer about his alienation.

      Immediately he had finished tea he rose with alacrity to go out. It was this alacrity, this haste to be gone, which so sickened Mrs. Morel. As she heard him sousing heartily in cold water, heard the eager scratch of the steel comb on the side of the bowl, as he wetted his hair, she closed her eyes in disgust. As he bent over, lacing his boots, there was a certain vulgar gusto in his movement that divided him from the reserved, watchful rest of the family. He always ran away from the battle with himself. Even in his own heart's privacy, he excused himself, saying, “If she hadn't said so-and-so, it would never have happened. She asked for what she's got.” The children waited in restraint during his preparations. When he had gone, they sighed with relief.

      He closed the door behind him, and was glad. It was a rainy evening. The Palmerston would be the cosier. He hastened forward in anticipation. All the slate roofs of the Bottoms shone black with wet. The roads, always dark with coal-dust, were full of blackish mud. He hastened along. The Palmerston windows were steamed over. The passage was paddled with wet feet. But the air was warm, if foul, and full of the sound of voices and the smell of beer and smoke.

      “What shollt ha'e, Walter?” cried a voice, as soon as Morel appeared in the doorway.

      “Oh, Jim, my lad, wheriver has thee sprung frae?”

      The men made a seat for him, and took him in warmly. He was glad. In a minute or two they had thawed all responsibility out of him, all shame, all trouble, and he was clear as a bell for a jolly night.

      On the Wednesday following, Morel was penniless. He dreaded his wife. Having hurt her, he hated her. He did not know what to do with himself that evening, having not even twopence with which to go to the Palmerston, and being already rather deeply in debt. So, while his wife was down the garden with the child, he hunted in the top drawer of the dresser where she kept her purse, found it, and looked inside. It contained a half-crown, two halfpennies, and a sixpence. So he took the sixpence, put the purse carefully back, and went out.

      The next day, when she wanted to pay the greengrocer, she looked in the purse for her sixpence, and her heart sank to her shoes. Then she sat down and thought: “WAS there a sixpence? I hadn't spent it, had I? And I hadn't left it anywhere else?”

      She was much put about. She hunted round everywhere for it. And, as she sought, the conviction came into her heart that her husband had taken it. What she had in her purse was all the money she possessed. But that he should sneak it from her thus was unbearable. He had done so twice before. The first time she had not accused him, and at the week-end he had put the shilling again into her purse. So that was how she had known he had taken it. The second time he had not paid back.

      This time she felt it was too much. When he had had his dinner—he came home early that day—she said to him coldly:

      “Did you take sixpence out of my purse last night?”

      “Me!” he said, looking up in an offended way. “No, I didna! I niver clapped eyes on your purse.”

      But she could detect the lie.

      “Why, you know you did,” she said quietly.

      “I tell you I didna,” he shouted. “Yer at me again, are yer? I've had about enough on't.”

      “So you filch sixpence out of my purse while I'm taking the clothes in.”

      “I'll may yer pay for this,” he said, pushing back his chair in desperation. He bustled and got washed, then went determinedly upstairs. Presently he came down dressed, and with a big bundle in a blue-checked, enormous handkerchief.

      “And now,” he said, “you'll see me again when you do.”

      “It'll be before I want to,” she replied; and at that he marched out of the house with his bundle. She sat trembling slightly, but her heart brimming with contempt. What would she do if he went to some other pit, obtained work, and got in with another woman? But she knew him too well—he couldn't. She was dead sure of him. Nevertheless her heart was gnawed inside her.

      “Where's my dad?” said William, coming in from school.

      “He says he's run away,” replied the mother.

      “Where to?”

      “Eh, I don't know. He's taken a bundle in the blue handkerchief, and says he's not coming back.”

      “What shall we do?” cried the boy.

      “Eh, never trouble, he won't go far.”

      “But if he doesn't come back,” wailed Annie.

      And she and William retired to the sofa and wept. Mrs. Morel sat and laughed.

      “You pair of gabeys!” she exclaimed. “You'll see him before the night's out.”

      But the children were not to be consoled. Twilight came on. Mrs. Morel grew anxious from very weariness. One part of her said it would be a relief to see the last of him; another part fretted because of keeping the children; and inside her, as yet, she could not quite let him go. At the bottom, she knew very well he could NOT go.

      When she went down to the coal-place at the end of the garden, however, she felt something behind the door. So she looked. And there in the dark lay the big blue СКАЧАТЬ