Wisdom & Empowerment: The Orison Swett Marden Edition (18 Books in One Volume). Orison Swett Marden

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      Chapter VIII.

       The Right To Be Disagreeable

       Table of Contents

      If business men were to throw off self-control in their offices and places of business as many of them do in their homes, and say the same mean, contemptible, unguarded things to their customers that they say to the members of their own families, their business would soon go to pieces.

      No good business man would risk his reputation, or the welfare of his business in such a way. He knows better than that. He knows that it would be fatal. When he is away from home he thinks too much of his reputation to risk it for the sake of gratifying his spleen, and he is always on his guard, for his pride is touched. He thinks too much of himself. His egotism, or vanity, prevents him from making a fool of himself, and so he practices self-restraint wherever his reputation is at stake; but at home he does not care. He knows that his wife and children will try to protect him, and he does not hesitate to show the brute in him.

      There are thousands of men who are polite, tactful, and diplomatic toward their customers and in everything which bears upon their business, who seem to lock their good manners up in their offices at night; men who are known as Dr. Jekylls in all their business or professional relations; but who assume the character of Mr. Hyde as soon as they enter their own homes, where they feel at liberty to ride roughshod over everybody's feelings. They do not seem to think that the wife, or any other member of the family, gets tired, has “nerves,” or troubles of any kind. They exercise self-restraint all day, but the moment they get home they seem to vent their bad humor on everybody, even on the dog or the cat. Is it not a strange thing that so many people think that home is not a place for the exercise of self-control, but take it for granted that there they can abuse everybody without restraint?

      Why should a man who is polite and politic in business and in his club, who can control himself elsewhere, use his home as a kicking post, a place to get rid of his bad blood,—a place which, of all others, ought to be the most sacred, most peaceful, and the sweetest place in the world to him?

      Many a thoughtless parent in the morning leaves a depressing influence upon some member of the family, the shadow of which hangs over the life all day. It does not matter that it is a thoughtless, heedless word flung out in impatience, its thrust is just as painful. Tongue thrusts are infinitely more painful than blows from the hand.

      If, on his return, there is company at home, he is just as suave and tactful as in his place of business. He defers to his wife’s judgment, and is very kind to the servants and children, because his reputation is at stake. He can not afford to take chances with that. Outside people might spread his hoggish qualities, gossip about his meanness, and injure or humiliate him, while the members of his household would feel under a certain obligation to take everything in silence, to protect his name.

      As soon as the guests go, however, this type of man grunts and growls, snarls and nags and finds fault, until he works everyone within sound of his voice into a state of nervous irritability. Then he finds fault with them for not being more amiable.

      The head of the house is not always the only offender in this respect. Wives and children often seem to think that the home is the place where they can indulge in fits of hot temper and say all manner of mean, disagreeable, and despicable things. They think that they have a right to spend a whole evening, or perhaps several days, pouting over some fancied injury or over some trifle.

      I have been in homes where a domestic storm was raging furiously, but the moment the doorbell rang and a caller came the storm subsided instantly and there was a complete revolution in the manner and the conversation of the inmates.

      It is strange that so many people act as if the members of their immediate family have no special rights which they are bound to respect. They can not imagine why they should not converse or whistle, scold, find fault or make any kind of a noise, just because somebody else wants to read or think. Self-restraint is a rare virtue in many homes.

      There are many households where all the laws of courtesy, and even of ordinary decency, are set at defiance; where the boys go downstairs in the morning and about the house half-dressed, without the slightest feeling of delicacy.

      The girls are often just as careless as their brothers. They go around the house in all sorts of costumes, soiled and untidy, and often to the table, especially in the morning, in a disgraceful condition. They think it is all right because only their brothers and parents are present.

      In many homes the father and boys think nothing of sitting around the house in their shirt-sleeves, or of going to the table in the same manner, and often they indulge in profanity and use language that they would be greatly ashamed of if anybody outside of their home should happen to hear. All safeguards, all self-respect and consideration for others are thrown down in many homes, and everybody is thought to be at liberty to be just as slovenly, cross, crabbed, and disagreeable as he pleases.

      There is no one thing more fatal to that dignity of bearing, that refinement, that personal .grace which commands respect, than this habit of dropping all standards of ordinary good behavior and conduct in the home. It fosters a vulgarity which is very demoralizing to all the laws of character-building and right living. This easy-going, slipshod manner of living, as practiced m many homes, tends to the loss of self-respect and respect for one another.

      How can you expect the respect of the members of your family, or of those who work for you, when you do not show any sort of respect or deference, or kindness, or consideration for them, and when you act as though anything at all was good enough for СКАЧАТЬ