Second Plays. A. A. Milne

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СКАЧАТЬ (annoyed). Well, of course, it had been in my mind for some time. I don't claim that the idea is original; it has often been done in our family. (Getting up) Well then, if you will get ready, my dear, I will go and find our three friends and see that they come this way. [They go out together.

      (As soon as they are out of sight the PRINCESS comes back.)

      PRINCESS. Well, Woodcutter, what did I tell you?

      WOODCUTTER. What did you tell me?

      PRINCESS. Didn't you listen to what they said?

      WOODCUTTER. I didn't listen, but I couldn't help hearing.

      PRINCESS. Well, I couldn't help listening. And unless you stop it somehow, I shall be married to one of them to-night.

      WOODCUTTER. Which one?

      PRINCESS. The one with the kindest heart—whichever that is.

      WOODCUTTER. Supposing they all three have kind hearts?

      PRINCESS (confidently). They won't. They never have. In our circles when three Princes come together, one of them has a kind heart and the other two haven't. (Surprised) Haven't you read any History at all?

      WOODCUTTER. I have no time for reading. But I think it's time History was altered a little. We'll alter it this afternoon.

      PRINCESS. What do you mean?

      WOODCUTTER. Leave this to me. I've got an idea.

      PRINCESS (clapping her hands). Oh, how clever of you! But what do you want me to do?

      WOODCUTTER (pointing). You know the glade over there where the brook runs through it? Wait for me there.

      PRINCESS. I obey my lord's commands.

      [She blows him a kiss and runs off

      (The WOODCUTTER resumes his work. By and by the RED PRINCE comes along. He is a—well, you will see for yourself what he is like.)

      RED PRINCE. Ah, fellow. … Fellow! … I said fellow! (Yes, that sort of man.)

      WOODCUTTER (looking up.) Were you speaking to me, my lord?

      RED PRINCE. There is no other fellow here that I can see.

      (The WOODCUTTER looks round to make sure, peers behind a tree or two, and comes back to the PRINCE.)

      WOODCUTTER. Yes, you must have meant me.

      RED PRINCE. Yes, of course I meant you, fellow. Have you seen the Princess come past this way? I was told she was waiting for me here.

      WOODCUTTER. She is not here, my lord. (Looking round to see that they are alone) My lord, are you one of the Princes who is seeking the hand of the Princess.

      RED PRINCE (complacently). I am, fellow.

      WOODCUTTER. His Majesty the King was here a while ago. He is to make his decision between you this afternoon. (Meaningly) I think I can help you to be the lucky one, my lord.

      RED PRINCE. You suggest that I take an unfair advantage over my fellow-competitors?

      WOODCUTTER. I suggest nothing, my lord. I only say that I can help you.

      RED PRINCE (magnanimously). Well, I will allow you to help me.

      WOODCUTTER. Thank you. Then I will give you this advice. If a beggar woman asks you for a crust of bread this afternoon, remember—it is the test!

      RED PRINCE (staggered). The test! But I haven't got a crust of bread!

      WOODCUTTER. Wait here and I will get you one.

      (He goes into the hut)

      RED PRINCE (speaking after him as he goes). My good fellow, I am extremely obliged to you, and if ever I can do anything for you, such as returning a crust to you of similar size, or even lending you another slightly smaller one, or—— (The WOODCUTTER comes back with the crust.) Ah, thank you, my man, thank you.

      WOODCUTTER. I would suggest, my lord, that you should take a short walk in this direction (pointing to the opposite direction to that which the PRINCESS has taken), and stroll back casually in a few minutes' time when the Queen is here.

      RED PRINCE. Thank you, my man, thank you.

      (He puts the crust in his pocket and goes off.) (The WOODCUTTER goes on with his work. The BLUE PRINCE comes in and stands watching him in silence for some moments.) WOODCUTTER (looking up). Hullo!

      BLUE PRINCE. Hullo!

      WOODCUTTER. What do you want?

      BLUE PRINCE. The Princess.

      WOODCUTTER. She's not here.

      BLUE PRINCE. Oh!

      (The WOODCUTTER goes on with his work and the PRINCE goes on looking at him.)

      WOODCUTTER (struck with an idea). Are you one of the Princes who is wooing the Princess?

      BLUE PRINCE. Yes.

      WOODCUTTER (coming towards him). I believe I could help your Royal Highness.

      BLUE PRINCE. Do.

      WOODCUTTER (doubtfully). It would perhaps be not Quite fair to the others.

      BLUE PRINCE. Don't mind.

      WOODCUTTER. Well then, listen. (He pauses a moment and looks round to see that they are alone.)

      BLUE PRINCE. I'm listening.

      WOODCUTTER. If you come back in five minutes, you will see a beggar woman sitting here. She will ask you for a crust of bread. You must give it to her, for it is the way His Majesty has chosen of testing your kindness of heart.

      BLUE PRINCE (feeling in his pockets). No bread.

      WOODCUTTER. I will give you some.

      BLUE PRINCE. Do.

      WOODCUTTER (taking a piece from his pocket). Here you are.

      BLUE PRINCE. Thanks.

      WOODCUTTER. Not at all, I'm very glad to have been able to help you.

      (He goes on with his work. The BLUE PRINCE remains looking at him.)

      BLUE PRINCE (with a great effort). Thanks.

      (He goes slowly away. A moment later the YELLOW PRINCE makes a graceful and languid entry.)

      YELLOW СКАЧАТЬ