Three Men and a Maid. P. G. Wodehouse

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СКАЧАТЬ audience was at an end—and glad of it—also got up.

      "Well, I think I'll be going down and seeing about that state-room," he said.

      "Certainly. I am a little busy just now, preparing notes for my next lecture."

      "Of course, yes. Mustn't interrupt you. I suppose you're having a great time, gassing away—I mean—well, good-bye!"

      "Good-bye!"

      Mrs. Hignett, frowning, for the interview had ruffled her and disturbed that equable frame of mind which is so vital to the preparation of lectures on Theosophy, sat down at the writing-table and began to go through the notes which she had made overnight. She had hardly succeeded in concentrating herself when the door opened to admit the daughter of Erin once more.

      "Ma'am there was a gentleman."

      "This is intolerable!" cried Mrs. Hignett. "Did you tell him that I was busy?"

      "I did not. I loosed him into the dining-room."

      "Is he a reporter from one of the newspapers?"

      "He is not. He has spats and a tall-shaped hat. His name is Bream

       Mortimer."

      "Bream Mortimer!"

      "Yes, ma'am. He handed me a bit of a kyard, but I dropped it, being slippy from the dishes."

      Mrs. Hignett strode to the door with a forbidding expression. This, as she had justly remarked, was intolerable. She remembered Bream Mortimer. He was the son of the Mr. Mortimer who was the friend of the Mr. Bennett who wanted Windles. This visit could only have to do with the subject of Windles, and she went into the dining-room in a state of cold fury, determined to squash the Mortimer family once and for all.

      Bream Mortimer was tall and thin. He had small, bright eyes and a sharply curving nose. He looked much more like a parrot than most parrots do. It gave strangers a momentary shock of surprise when they saw Bream Mortimer in restaurants eating roast beef. They had the feeling that he would have preferred sun-flower seeds.

      "Morning, Mrs. Hignett."

      "Please sit down."

      Bream Mortimer sat down. He looked as though he would rather have hopped on to a perch, but he sat down. He glanced about the room with gleaming, excited eyes.

      "Mrs. Hignett, I must have a word with you alone!"

      "You are having a word with me alone."

      "I hardly know how to begin."

      "Then let me help you. It is quite impossible. I will never consent."

      Bream Mortimer started.

      "Then you have heard!"

      "I have heard about nothing else since I met Mr. Bennett in London. Mr. Bennett talked about nothing else. Your father talked about nothing else. And now," cried Mrs. Hignett fiercely, "you come and try to reopen the subject. Once and for all nothing will alter my decision. No money will induce me to let my house."

      "But I didn't come about that!"

      "You did not come about Windles?"

      "Good Lord, no!"

      "Then will you kindly tell me why you have come?"

      Bream Mortimer looked embarrassed. He wriggled a little and moved his arms as if he were trying to flap them.

      "You know," he said, "I'm not a man who butts into other people's affairs." … He stopped.

      "No?" said Mrs. Hignett.

      Bream began again.

      "I'm not a man who gossips with servants."

      "No?"

      "I'm not a man who. … "

      Mrs. Hignett was never a very patient woman.

      "Let us take all your negative qualities for granted," she said curtly. "I have no doubt that there are many things which you do not do. Let us confine ourselves to issues of definite importance. What is it, if you have no objection to concentrating your attention on that for a moment, that you wish to see me about?"

      "This marriage."

      "What marriage?"

      "Your son's marriage."

      "My son is not married."

      "No, but he's going to be. At eleven o'clock this morning at the Little

       Church Round the Corner!"

      Mrs. Hignett stared.

      "Are you mad?"

      "Well, I'm not any too well pleased, I'm bound to say," admitted Mr.

       Mortimer. "You see, darn it all, I'm in love with the girl myself!"

      "Who is this girl?"

      "Have been for years. I'm one of those silent, patient fellows who hang around and look a lot, but never tell their love. … "

      "Who is this girl who has entrapped my son?"

      "I've always been one of those men who. … "

      "Mr. Mortimer! With your permission we will take your positive qualities, also, for granted. In fact, we will not discuss you at all. You come to me with this absurd story. … "

      "Not absurd. Honest fact. I had it from my valet, who had it from her maid, and, though I'm not a man who gossips with servants, I'm bound to say. … "

      "Will you please tell me who is the girl my misguided son wishes to marry?"

      "I don't know that I'd call him misguided," said Mr. Mortimer, as one desiring to be fair, "I think he's a right smart picker! She's such a corking girl, you know. We were children together, and I've loved her for years. Ten years at least. But you know how it is—somehow one never seems to get in line for a proposal. I thought I saw an opening in the summer of nineteen-twelve, but it blew over. I'm not one of these smooth, dashing guys, you see, with a great line of talk. I'm not. … "

      "If you will kindly," said Mrs. Hignett impatiently, "postpone this essay in psycho-analysis to some future occasion I shall be greatly obliged. I am waiting to hear the name of the girl my son wishes to marry."

      "Haven't I told you?" said Mr. Mortimer, surprised. "That's odd. I haven't! It's funny how one doesn't do the things one thinks one does. I'm the sort of man … "

      "What is her name?"

      "Bennett."

      "Bennett? Wilhelmina Bennett? The daughter of Mr. Rufus Bennett? The red-haired girl I met at lunch one day at your father's house?"

      "That's СКАЧАТЬ