The Case of the Saddle House Robbery. John R. Erickson

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ . . . well, ready to go streaking for the front porch, if events, uh, got out of control. (Monsters never follow dogs to front porches, don’t you see. I don’t know why, but it’s true.) But then I heard a voice.

      “Mmmm, my goodness, I think I’ve just been stepped on by Hankie the Wonder Dog.”

      The air hissed out of my lungs. My whole body went limp. I almost fainted with relief. You probably thought it was a ferocious Night Monster, right? Nope. It was just a cat—Pete the Barncat, to be exact, my least-favorite character on the ranch. Have we discussed cats? Maybe not. I don’t like ’em, have no use for ’em at all.

      “What are you doing out here, you little sneak? I thought you were a . . . that is, I picked up an odd unidentified sound and rushed right over to check it out.”

      “Did you now?”

      “Yes I did, Kitty, and at this very moment, even as we speak, I am checking you out.”

      “My goodness, Hankie, I’m so impressed.”

      “No you’re not. You’re too dumb to be impressed. You’re just a dumb cat, Pete. Why are you lurking out here in the dark?”

      I glared daggers into the void of blackness from which his voice had come. I couldn’t actually see him, don’t you know, and more or less had to glare where to guess.

      He spoke again. “I’m over here, Hankie. You’re glaring at a rock.”

      I whirled around and beamed my glare at the new location. “I know exactly where you are, Kitty, and don’t try to dodge the question. What are you doing out here?”

      “Well, Hankie, these winter nights are so long, I sometimes wake up before daylight and walk around.”

      “I see. And you think I’m not aware that the nights are long in the winter, is that your point? Ha! For your information, Kitty, our Security Divi­sion keeps very careful records on all that stuff.”

      “That wasn’t my point, Hankie.”

      “Great. What was your point? You’re boring me, Pete. Could we hurry this along? I’m a very busy dog.”

      “I was walking around in the dark. That’s all.”

      “Oh, so that’s it. And you think I wasn’t smart enough to have figured that out on my own, huh? Hey, Pete, I knew exactly what you were doing, and I knew exactly why you were doing it. Shall I go on?”

      “By all means, Hankie, but I’m over here. You’re talking to a tree.”

      I whirled 24 degrees to the left and aimed a gaze of purest steel at him. “Okay, try this on, Pete. You were walking around in the dark because it was dark.”

      “Very impressive, Hankie.”

      “Hold your applause, Kitty, I’m not through. It was dark this morning because the sun wasn’t up, because it’s winter, Pete. Don’t you get it? No sun, no sunrise. No sun, no daylight. No sun equals darkness. That’s why you were walking around in the dark.”

      “That’s amazing, Hankie. And you figured that out yourself?”

      I couldn’t hold back a little chuckle. “Heh. You cats have no idea what goes on around here while you sleep. But I’m still not finished. Wait until you hear this last part. It just might knock your socks off.”

      “Ooooo! I can hardly wait. But I’m over here, Hankie.”

      “Right.” I whirled 12 degrees to the left and gave him a stern glare. “For your information, Kitty, at this very moment I’m on my way to Sunrise Hill, where I will bark up the sun thirty minutes ahead of schedule, thus adding thirty minutes of daylight to the day. What do you think of that?”

      He gasped. “I think something just happened to my socks.”

      “Ha! Didn’t I tell you? I blew ’em right off, didn’t I?”

      “You certainly did, Hankie. And you think you can bark up the sun early today?”

      “Hey Kitty, this is my ranch. If the sun wants to rise on my ranch, it’ll rise when I tell it to. We need more daylight, yes? So I’ll bark it up thirty minutes early. It’s a simple process.”

      “How fun. But Hankie, I thought J. T. Cluck crowed up the sun every morning.”

      I froze. “What? Who told you that?”

      “Well, maybe J.T. told me, but I’ve also watched him doing it—many times.”

      “Lies, Pete, lies. Number one, the sun must be barked up, not crowed up. Number two, it takes a dog to bark up the sun. Number three, the sun pays no attention to a silly, squawking rooster. And number four, J. T. Cluck is a fraud, a cheat, a liar, and a lying fraudulent cheat. He has nothing to do with the rising of the sun, period.”

      I heard the cat gasp. “My goodness, Hankie, I didn’t know all this. And you’re going to bark up the sun earlier than usual this morning?”

      “That’s correct, Kitty. Then you won’t have to lurk around in the darkness, and I won’t have to wonder what you’re doing.”

      “I’ll be watching, Hankie.”

      “Do that, Pete, and feel free to take notes, if you wish. It might improve that tiny mind of yours.”

      “Mmmmm yes, but I’m over here, Hankie. You’re talking to the tree again.”

      That did it. This cat was trying to play games with me and I’d taken all the trash I could stand from him, so instead of answering or adjusting my position, I issued a growl and launched myself into . . .

      BONK!

      . . . the middle of a stupid tree, a very large stupid tree, which had looked very much like a cat lurking in the darkness, only it wasn’t. I don’t know how the little pest had managed to . . . phooey.

      Did it hurt? You bet it did. It hurt big-time, scratched the soft, leathery portion of my nose and brought tears to my eyes, but they were mostly tears of joy, for I’d had the pleasure of . . . never mind.

      It hurt.

      Then I heard his voice again, somewhere in the darkness. (Obviously he had been moving around, trying to confuse me.) “Sorry, Hankie. I tried to warn you.”

      I paused for a moment, searching my mind for a stinging, witty reply that would wound him even more than the tree had wounded my nose. After thirty seconds of really heavy concentration, I gave it up and had to settle for “Shut up, cat.”

      And with that, I whirled around and marched . . .bush? . . . marched into a wandering bush that had somehow . . . hey, don’t forget, it was very dark out there, and that was the whole point of my mission, right? It was so dreadfully dark that no dog in the whole world could have seen where he was going, and before somebody got hurt, I needed to get that sun barked up. Right away. Chop-chop.

      And so it СКАЧАТЬ