The Garbage Monster from Outer Space. John R. Erickson
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Название: The Garbage Monster from Outer Space
Автор: John R. Erickson
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Учебная литература
Серия: Hank the Cowdog
isbn: 9781591887324
isbn:
Chapter Two: I Tear Down a Whole Tree and Thrash Several Coons
I peered into the darkness and studied the situation. Much to my amazement, Drover had not only given a fairly accurate description of the problem, but he had even come up with the correct number of coons. There were five of them, and fellers, they were making a mess of things.
They’re experts at making messes, don’t you know. They’re never content just to take what they need and leave. Oh no. They find some kind of fiendish pleasure in wrecking things, whether it’s a corn patch, a chicken house, or a garbage barrel. Or three garbage barrels.
I watched them and felt a growing sense of outrage. My master’s wife had spent a lot of hours and a lot of days trying to make the place look nice and presentable. Now, here were these bandits, these raccoon thugs, making a mockery of all her hard work. The longer I watched, the madder I got.
“Drover, are you going to sit there watching this outrage, or will you do something to teach those villains a lesson?”
“Oh . . . probably just sit here. How about you?”
“Are you suggesting that I might be afraid to go into combat against five coons?”
“Well . . . it makes sense to me.”
“Yes, it does, doesn’t it? I mean, combat against one coon is dangerous enough, but five . . . a guy could sure get his face plowed.”
“Yeah, and I’m still worried about this old leg. The pain got worse when I saw the coons. I think I’ve got an allergy to coons.”
I beamed him a stern glare. “You’ve got an allergy to life, Drover. I think you’re afraid of your own shadow.”
“How’d you know that?”
“Just a wild guess.”
“Yeah, I saw it last evening and it gave me a terrible scare. It was ten feet long and I thought it was a monster without a tail. But I didn’t want anybody to know. You won’t tell, will you?”
“Nobody would believe it, Drover. And do you know what else I can’t believe?”
“The tooth fairy?”
“No.”
“The Easter Bunny?”
“No.”
“Bone monsters?”
“If you’ll hush, I’ll tell you.”
“Well, you asked.”
“I’m sorry I asked. I can’t believe that we’ve got such a chicken liver in the Security Division. It’s disgraceful.”
“Well . . . you said you were scared of coons.”
“I did not say that. I said that five coons were a lot of coons.”
“Yeah, but not as many as six.”
“What is your point, Drover? Are you trying to say that I’m just as much of a scaredy-cat as you?”
“Well . . . if you were, I’d feel better.”
I pushed myself up to a standing position. “Well, you can forget that. Do you know what I’m fixing to do? I’m going to march into the middle of those coons and give them the thrashing they so richly deserve.”
“Oh, how brave!”
“And do you know why? Because you’ve been an inspiration to me, Drover. You are such a weenie and talking with you is so boring, you’ve inspired me to do something really crazy, just to get away from you.”
“Gosh, thanks, Hank.”
“By the sheer force of your lousy example, you’ve forced me into doing what is good and right. And if you have any pride left in that stub-tailed carcass of yours, you’ll follow me into battle to fight for Sally May’s garbage barrels.”
“In a pig’s eye.”
“What?”
“I said . . . oh boy, combat. Oh goodie.”
“That’s better. Now, aren’t you proud of being ashamed of yourself?”
“I’m kind of confused right now.”
“You’ll get over it. Are we ready? She’ll be very proud of us, Drover.”
“Yeah, or she’ll think we did it.”
“What? Speak up, son, you’re muttering.”
“I said . . .”
“Never mind, we’re out of time. We must strike while the kettle is black. I’ll go in the first wave, you come in the second. Give ’em the full load of barking. If we make enough noise, maybe they’ll run. Ready? Oh, and don’t forget to yell, ‘Freeze, turkey!’ That’s very important.”
“I thought they were coons.”
I stared into the vacuum of his eyes. “Are you trying to be funny?”
“No, but you said . . . I thought . . . boy, I sure get confused.”
“Never mind, Drover. Just follow orders, and remember that this one is for Sally May.”
“Yeah, but if the coons run off and she finds us . . .”
“Silence. Let’s move out. Good luck, soldier, and break a leg.”
“I’ve already got one bad leg. It’s killing me.”
I slipped forward on paws that made not a sound, paws that had been trained for commando work and silent missions and so forth. Twenty yards out, I could see the coons shooting baskets with a bean can, tossing newspapers into the air, spreading ugly garbage for the sheer meanness of it. My sense of outrageous anger was growing by the second. Those guys would pay for this.
Ten yards out, we emerged from the cover of the chinaberry grove, and for the first time, the rioting coons realized that they were surrounded. Ha! You should have seen the shock and surprise on their faces. This would be a piece of cake.
I gave the order to attack and went zooming into the middle of them, yelling “Charge, bonzai!” at the top of my lungs. Drover brought up the Second Wave, and he was yipping and squeaking. Do you know what he was yipping and squeaking? “Frozen turkey, frozen turkey!”
Oh brother. I was tempted to call off the attack and give him a scolding right there on the СКАЧАТЬ