The Case of the Dinosaur Birds. John R. Erickson
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Название: The Case of the Dinosaur Birds
Автор: John R. Erickson
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Учебная литература
Серия: Hank the Cowdog
isbn: 9781591887546
isbn:
At an ordinary Scrap Event, we can expect a few morsels of scrambled eggs and several pieces of burned toast. But on a good day, we’ll get egg scraps, burned toast, plus five or six fatty, juicy ends of bacon.
You know where I stand on the Issue of Bacon. I love the stuff, absolutely love it, and that’s why Drover and I always try to arrive early for Scrap Events. We want to be first in line so that we can protect our bacon scraps from the local cat.
Have we discussed cats? Maybe not. I don’t like ’em, and I especially don’t like the one we’re stuck with on this ranch. Pete. He’s a sneak and a slacker, and he spends all his waking hours lusting for fatty, juicy ends of bacon.
So do I, but it’s different when a dog does it. Cats are pure gluttons, see, whereas your higher rank of dogs are more refined. We play by the Rules of Good Behavior. We wait our turn in line. Cats don’t even know that rules exist, and given the slightest opportunity, they will cheat every time.
Show me a cat and I’ll show you a cheater.
That’s why it’s so important that we dogs arrive early at our Scrap Events. It gives us an opportunity to set the proper tone: rules and manners; no scuffling, hissing, pushing, shoving, or bickering over the scraps.
Pretty impressive, huh? You bet. I mean, food is important, but we can’t allow it to rule our lives. If a guy wins all the scraps but loses his poise in the process . . . well, what’s the point? He’s no better than your average cat.
And speaking of cats, when Drover and I arrived at the yard gate—five minutes early, mind you—we found that the cat was already there, sitting with his tail wrapped around his backside, beaming a gluttonous look toward the house, and purring like a little . . . something. Like a greedy little motorboat.
When he heard us coming, he turned and flashed his usual smirk. “My, my, it’s Hankie the Wonder Dog . . . and you’re late.”
I thundered up to him. “We’re not late, Kitty. We came five minutes early so that we could be first in line.”
“Well, darn the luck. I guess it didn’t work.”
I stuck my nose in his face. “I guess it did work, you little pestilence.”
“No, no, Hankie. As you can see, I’m first in line.” He batted his eyes and snickered. “And you’re not.”
“Oh yeah? Well, here’s some bad news. The line you started was the Cheater’s Line. We’re starting a new line, the Line of Good Behavior. Go to the back of the line.”
“But Hankie, I won fair and square by coming earlier than you. Tee hee.”
“Right, and that’s cheating.”
“That’s the way the game is played, Hankie.”
“That’s the way the cheater’s game is played. This is a new game, and we’re going to play by the rules.”
He licked his paw with a long stroke of his tongue. “Oh, really? What rules are we talking about?”
“The Rules of Justice, Pete, and Rule Number One is that cats always go last. Go to the rear. Move!”
His gaze drifted around. “You know, Hankie, this won’t work. It never works because . . .” He fluttered his eyelids. “. . . Sally May brings the scraps, and I’m her special pet. You know what will happen if you make a scene.”
I heard a growl rumbling in the darkness of my throat. “Pete, you’re despicable.”
“I know, and sometimes it really bothers me. But not today. Tee hee.”
For a moment of heartbeats, my finger twitched on the Launch Button. It would have been so easy to dive right into the middle of the little snot and give him the thrashing he so richly deserved. But at the last second, I canceled the launch and took a step backward. I mean, one of us had to show some maturity, right?
“Okay, Pete, just this once I’m going to let it slide.”
“I thought you’d see it that way.”
“And I hope you get indigestion.”
At that very moment, the back door opened and out stepped . . . holy smokes, I couldn’t believe my good fortune . . . out stepped my very best pal in the whole world.
Little Alfred!
Do you see the meaning of this? Heh heh. I did, and so did Kitty-Kitty.
Chapter Two: Strange Birds in the Sky
See, here’s the deal. Little Alfred was a fine young man, fair and honest, and best of all he had no history of pampering cats, unlike his mother who . . .
I would be the last dog in the world to say a critical word about the Lady of the House, but let’s be frank. There had been times in our long and stormy relationship when I had looked into Sally May’s eyes and had gotten the feeling that, well, she wasn’t fond of dogs.
Or was it just me? Surely not. No, our troubled relationship grew out of the fact that she had a weakness for cats, and that’s a very sad state of affairs. People who don’t understand the true crooked nature of cats . . . Maybe we’d better leave this subject alone.
The point is that Little Alfred wasn’t as likely to fall for Pete’s trickery; and when Kitty saw him coming out the door with the plate of scraps, that insolent smirk on his face dropped dead. He swung his eyes around to me and gave me a hateful glare.
I was beside myself with joy that the Cause of Justice had been served. “Hey, Pete, what do you say now, huh? Ha ha ha! Where’s Sally May?”
“This isn’t funny, Hankie.”
“Of course it is. It’s hilarious. Go to the back of the line.” He didn’t move, so I did what any normal dog would have done. I gave him a loud burst of self-righteous barking. We call it our Train Horns Application.
BWONK!
Heh heh. I love doing that, especially when Sally May isn’t around with her broom. Kitty responded just as I had hoped. He jumped three feet in the air, turned wrong side out, hissed, spit, shrieked, and humped his back. Okay, maybe he landed one lucky punch with his claws, but I hardly even . . .
Actually, it stung like crazy, but never mind. The important thing is that a spoiled, pampered, rinky-dink little ranch cat had been humbled and the Cause of Justice had been served.
Kitty gave me the Cobra Eye and began slinking toward the rear of the line, the very spot in Life where every cat belongs. “Very well, Hankie, but things have a way of coming back around.”
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