The Case of the Troublesome Lady. John R. Erickson
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Название: The Case of the Troublesome Lady
Автор: John R. Erickson
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Учебная литература
Серия: Hank the Cowdog
isbn: 9781591887706
isbn:
“Oh my gosh, yes! Help, murder, let’s hide!”
“Hold your position, soldier. We can’t hide until we figure out where we are.”
“Oh rats. Should we bark?”
“I’d better check Data Control.” I sent an urgent message to DC and got clearance. “Okay, we’ve been cleared for barking. Load up Number Three Warning Barks and don’t hold anything back. Ready? Fire!”
Boy, you should have heard us. Even though we couldn’t see the target, we started pumping out the barks, big ones, the kind that throw a dog backward on every blast. I mean, the recoil on those Number Threes is pretty amazing. A lot of dogs can’t handle it, but on this outfit, we do it all the time.
Well, we had been creeped out by creepy sounds, caused by unknown forces we couldn’t see, but then a light came on in the distance.
Drover noticed and stopped barking. “Gosh, did we do that?”
“Of course we did, nice work.” I glanced around and things began coming into crocus. Into focus, let us say. “All right, men, listen up. We have identified our location. We’re in Slim’s house, in the living room.”
“Yeah, but what were those creepy sounds?”
“We don’t know yet, so we’d better keep up the cover fire. Let’s crank ‘em out!”
Knowing that we were in Slim’s house gave us a sense of confidence, and we were able to put heart and soil into our barking effort. Boy, did we bark! But then…was that a voice? Yes, a voice came booming down the hallway from the room from which the light was whiching, and it said, “Hank, dry up!”
Huh?
Dry up? How could we dry up and bark at the same time? Wait, hold everything. Have you noticed the clues here? There were several but you’ll never see them unless you pay attention, so pay attention. Check this out.
Early Morning Clue List
Maybe the voice belonged to Slim Chance.
He often spoke to us in that rude manner.
If the voice was Slim’s, then so was the house, because Slim lived in his own house. To express that with Higher Math, we can write a formula: Slim’s house + Slim’s voice = Slim.
Wow, is that cool or what? But there’s more.
Drover and I had spent the night on the floor in Slim’s living room.
I had been awakened from a peaceful sleep by certain creepy sounds.
Even though we had figured out our location and the source of the voice down the hall, we still hadn’t identified the source of those creepy sounds.
Drover and I should have continued our Barking Procedure (#3 Warning Barks), but Slim had trashed that idea by yelling, “Dry up!”
“Dry up” means “Quit barking.”
Hencely, we had to shut down the operation.
But at least we knew where we were: Slim’s shack.
End of Early Morning Clue List
Can you name another dog in Texas that could come up with a Morning Clue List like that, and I mean whip it out on the spot? Don’t even bother to think about it, because I can tell you. There wasn’t another dog in Texas, not even a dog in Oklahoma, who could have punched out such an awesome list of clues.
There’s a word for that: WOW!
So, yes, Drover and I had spent the night at Slim’s place and we’d barked him out of bed and here he came down the hallway, moving like a man under water. And let me tell you, he looked…how can I say this?
He looked awful: red slanty eyes, hair going every-which-way, wrinkled face that still held the impressions of his pillow, and thin pinched lips that looked like something made out of cement. And he was wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a T-shirt.
There’s a word that describes him: YIPES!
I mean, I knew the guy, I knew he wasn’t a monster or a vampire, but still…well, he looked like a monster and a vampire, so what’s a dog supposed to do? I barked at him, by George, because in the Security Business, we bark first and ask questions later. We take no chances.
Don’t laugh and don’t forget that misters are monsters of mastery…monsters are masters of mystery, there we go. They’re liable to show up in chicken suits or disguised as the mailman, we never know, and don’t forget that there’s a spy working undercover on our ranch: the cat.
So, yes, I gave him a blast of barking (the monster, not the cat), just to be on the safe side, and if I had it all to do over again, I’d do it all over again, because in the Security Business, we can’t take chances. I’ve already said that, but it bears repeating and I’m scared of bears. If you’re not scared of bears, you’ve never met one.
Who brought up the subject of bears? I have no idea. Does anyone know what we were talking about?
Phooey.
This is frustrating.
Wait, the cat. Yes, Sally May’s rotten, pampered little never-sweat of a cat. Pete. She thought he was perfect, but we had proof that he was working on the sly for the Charlies. No kidding.
When things go to pot around here, we always know the source: Pete. But we weren’t talking about Pete.
Tell you what, let’s take a little break, walk around, get some fresh air, clear our heads, and come back in five minutes. I’ll study the Morning Clue List and we’ll mush on with the story.
Five minutes and don’t be late.
Chapter Two: Roundup Morning
Okay, everyone take a seat and let’s get on with this, and you might want to take some notes.
Before the break, we were having trouble remembering the purpose of this conversation, but we’ve got that worked out. Slim Chance, the hired hand on this ranch, was groping his way down the hallway at some weird hour of the night, a time when most people and dogs should have been asleep.
That brings us up to seed. Up to speed, let us say, and when I saw the guy, I barked at him because…well, because he looked almost exactly like our profiles of Charlie Monsters. He’d slept on his face and his hair looked like a hotel for rats, and any dog would have barked at him.
No, I take that back. Most ordinary dogs would have run and hidden, but I stood my ground and gave him a blast of barking. He said (this is a direct quote) he said, “Hank, СКАЧАТЬ