Conversation with God. David C. Wilson

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СКАЧАТЬ is a quite definite and practical limit to how many of these can be attempted at one time. Chris, however, had become the motivator of the totality of our lives, the initiator of new ventures and would admit of no such limit. When the first virus struck her during the Easter of 1988, Chris was obliged to drop everything, if only because it had settled on her chest, activating her asthma and leaving her completely breathless. It was of course merely the flu, and should respond eventually to the cocktail of steroids and antibiotics the doctor had prescribed, provided Chris rested and allowed herself to recuperate. Rest she did and for almost two weeks she was a captive of the lounge sofa, scarcely able to move, and taking little, if anything, in the way of food.

      After two weeks the courses of medication came to an end, and although the asthma emergency was over, the flu symptoms failed to clear up and Chris was left with persistent temperature fluctuations, fatigue, tiredness, joint pain, and myalgia. More worrying, however, was another strange and menacing condition that affected her senses of taste and smell. In particular, her sense of smell had become so heightened in intensity, that food became nauseous to her and slowly, yet remorselessly, she reduced her food intake. A little over twelve months later Chris weighed six and a half stone. Looking back, it seems clear that Chris had been suffering from what was then uncomprehendingly called “Yuppy Flu,” and was more properly known as Post-Viral Syndrome or M.E., but this was never medically diagnosed as such at the time. Nowadays the disease is known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS or CFIDS in the USA), having been referred to by early researchers as ‘the disease of a thousand names,’ and popularly called “Yuppy Flu” because of its association with the young, city ‘workaholics’ of the eighties Thatcher scene. During this period the popular press would often carry stories of how the mysterious “Yuppy Flu” was afflicting the wealthy young foreign-exchange dealers in the city of London. Unfortunately, the media spotlight failed to pick out the many thousands of other (largely) professional people, whose lives were being destroyed by this debilitating illness. doctors, nurses, and teachers were among the many professionals so afflicted.

      Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a multifactorial disease, and it can present with both physical and psychiatric symptoms, and hospital-based studies have shown that over 50% of CFS patients meet the diagnostic criteria for major depression. Unfortunately, in such circumstances it has often been the case that in the absence of a definable physical cause, many patients were diagnosed as clinically depressed. Non-specialist General Practitioners were being asked to differentiate between CFS and depression, and in a situation where little was known about the former, it was common to label the physical symptoms as the psychosomatic outworkings of major clinical depression. It was precisely this situation which Chris encountered subsequent to that first viral attack, as she visited the doctor ever more frequently to complain of ‘pains and fatigue.’ The visits to the doctor were of course complicated in Chris’s case by the additional ‘weird’ symptoms of heightened senses of smell and taste, which might have suggested an enhanced sensitivity to allergens, and this, together with repeated viral attacks, should have indicated that all was not well with her immune system. To be fair, sufferers usually insist that the symptoms they experience have an exclusively physical cause, and are often so convinced of this, that their doctors are persuaded to arrange extensive physical examinations, that can even include endoscopic searches. This latter kind of examination usually produces little in the way of a result, leaving the medical consultant exasperated, and the G.P. ‘out-of-his-depth’ and embarrassed about having made a seemingly pointless referral. The truth is that CFS is holistic in nature, and is unexplained by primary physical or psychiatric causes.

      Consequences

      The physiological symptoms of CFS are not life threatening, nor are they of indefinite duration, for sufferers do recover, albeit often five, ten, or fifteen years on from inception. Unfortunately, long term illnesses of this nature, together with the associated, entrenched psychiatric problems, have far-reaching effects on sufferers’ lives and (to use that dreadful word!) ‘lifestyles.’ Afflicted professionals, such as doctors or teachers are initially able to use up extensive paid sick leave, but find ultimately that they are compelled to give up their careers. It tends to be axiomatic that the busiest, most effective, professional people fall prey to CFS. The busy life in laboratory, surgery, or classroom becomes inexorably reduced in scope, until finally, in the worst cases, the sufferer is scarcely able to cross a room without the most excessive effort and pain. Usually, alongside and inextricably bound up with this remorseless advance into incapacity, comes a complete upheaval in the individual’s personal values. Additionally, the individual’s perception of role and status within both the family unit and wider society, undergo an enforced and painful realignment. Andrew Ferguson quotes the German theologian, Jurgen Moltmann, who identifies the problem precisely when he remarks: “If health is taken as a supreme value, it may lead to the suppression of illness and that ‘the sick are pushed out of the life of society.’ An individual who becomes seriously ill may lose his or her sense of their own worth.”

      Financially, the sufferer’s household is obliged to endure trauma of unprecedented proportions, as two often substantial salaries, become—in the more fortunate cases—one small, early, retirement pension, plus various disability benefits. Such financial strictures bring with them an enforced humility, which may prove to be a difficult psychological burden to bear. The value of the sufferer’s whole family unit may be seen to plummet in the ‘eyes of society,’ as two ‘involved’ professionals (perceived as net contributors) become ‘carer’ and ‘cared for’ respectively (both perceived as net beneficiaries). Children, teenagers especially, are without doubt traumatized by the complete reversal of fortunes, as houses, schools, and friends change in the kaleidoscope of stress-filled days passing before them. Adversity can, of itself, bring about aberrant behavior in the young.

      At the outset of the illness, sufferers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome usually become aware of physical symptoms such as muscle and joint pain, fatigue, sleep disturbance, abdominal discomfort, and body temperature fluctuations, but there is a second set of symptoms which are of potentially greater significance. This group comprises sheer mental incapacity of a completely debilitating order, invariably including impairment of memory, a persistent lack of concentration, and often difficulty in comprehending the spoken word. Keyboard performance, that is, the use of a typewriter or word processor displays these problems in microcosm, where the work produced frequently contains omissions and repetitions, and where work sessions are severely curtailed, perhaps restricted to only thirty minutes duration. Most professionals and business people struggle ‘manfully’ on in the face of physical pain and discomfort, given that their work is often sedentary and of a cerebral nature, but they are simply unable to function in the face of such mental incapacity. It is arguably this latter group of symptoms which terminate so many professional careers, and was certainly responsible for Chris’s long, slow slide into firstly anorexia, and secondly depression.

      We were later to discover that anorexia—as a symptom of CFS— is encountered by up to forty percent of sufferers albeit as a minor one. Indeed there are two so-called minor symptoms of CFS—nausea and anorexia—which have been suggested as strengthening the CDC (United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) case definition of CFS. In actual fact the anorexia exhibited by CFS sufferers is true anorexia (from the Greek meaning no appetite), and for Chris this was manifested as an absence of appetite due to masking by the associated CFS symptom of nausea, which itself was a function of her enhanced sense of smell. The anorexia displayed by Chris, in this first year of her illness, is to be contrasted with the ‘usual’ presentation wherein the ‘normal’ sufferer is very very hungry indeed—despite protestations to the contrary. From the initial ‘triggering’ of the illness by that first viral attack, it took fully fifteen months for Chris to reach a weight of six and a half stone. It was then that concerned family and friends suggested that a holiday—the first in six years—might be just ‘what the doctor ordered.’ In fact, it was precisely the opposite of the doctor’s advice.

      Anorexia Nervosa

      What the doctor now saw, correctly as it turned out, was that the anorexia associated with CFS had now in fact become СКАЧАТЬ