Summer at 23 the Strand. Linda Mitchelmore

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СКАЧАТЬ there in the zoo, with the boys running around, shouting their heads off, cheeks pink with exertion, Cally told Jack, their arms leaning on the wooden rail of the pen where strikingly beautiful zebra were nibbling grass.

      ‘I’ve found a lump.’

      ‘Where?’ Jack asked, putting an arm around Cally’s shoulder.

      ‘In my left breast.’

      ‘When? When did you find it?’

      ‘Two weeks ago? Three?’

      ‘Why didn’t you say?’ Jack sounded concerned rather than cross that she hadn’t mentioned such a serious worry.

      ‘I don’t know now. I should have. But I thought I might have been imagining it. That, maybe, I’d twisted a muscle or something and that it would unkink itself if I ignored it. At first I kept finding it with my fingers all the time. I couldn’t stop myself searching for info on the internet either.’

      ‘So, that’s what you were looking at?’

      ‘Yes, mostly. I found a chat site for cancer sufferers where they share their stories. Someone on there – a man called Tony – got in touch. I didn’t know men could get breast cancer.’

      ‘So, the email you were so keen for me not to see was from him?’

      ‘I wouldn’t have minded you seeing it, but I hadn’t told you and I didn’t want you jumping to conclusions.’

      ‘Oh, Cally. You’ve been shouldering this on your own. And I must confess I did begin to wonder if, you know, another man had come into your life. I hated myself for even thinking it, and I didn’t know how to handle it. So I thought it might be best if we got right away from our usual environment, and the computer, and just went back to being us.’

      ‘We’re always going to be “us”,’ Cally said. ‘And I’m really sorry now I told a chat site before telling you. Tony was one of many men on there – those who have, or have had, cancer, and those widowed by it. Tony said he wished he hadn’t told people when he did. He said he wished now he’d had all the correct information and a prognosis under his belt before he did, because people can have a lot of crackpot theories.’

      ‘This Tony is right there. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, sweetheart,’ Jack said. He pulled Cally closer. ‘We’re both guilty of not telling one another what fears we had in our minds, I think. I ought not to have booked this holiday without giving you the chance to say whether you wanted to come or not.’

      ‘I’m glad you did now,’ Cally said. ‘Or I’d still be searching cancer sites, and reading other people’s often very sad and scary stories night after night, and instead it’s been lovely sitting on the deck while the boys sleep, watching the moon cast its avenue of light on the water, and hearing the soft shush of the waves. It didn’t make the lump go away but it didn’t make it worse either, and for that short while I was able to forget.’

      ‘Sometimes the simplest things are the best.’

      ‘But I’m frightened, Jack,’ Cally said.

      ‘And I’m frightened with you. I can’t pretend anything else at this moment. But we must hang on to the fact that no one’s told you the lump is cancer yet. But if it is you need more than one soldier to fight a battle. And I’ll be right beside you. So, my next question – do you want to go back home right now and get the ball rolling, as it were, or…?’

      ‘No! Really, no. There will be fewer chances as the boys get older to holiday in school time like this. We’ll stay.’

      ‘And holiday like we’ve never holidayed before.’ Jack drew Cally towards him and kissed her cheek.

      ‘We will. And the weather seems to be on our side at the moment. And when I get back I want to cut back on work. Maybe just two days a week. I know Mum loves having them but the time with them is so short, isn’t it? Can we afford for me to only work two days?’

      ‘Yes, and yes,’ Jack said. And there were tears in his eyes as he said it.

      ‘Show me, Cally,’ Jack said.

      They were lying in bed, both fresh from the shower, both naked. Cally was on her back, and Jack was lying on his side looking at her.

      Cally took Jack’s hand and guided his fingers to the lump.

      ‘It’s not very big,’ she said.

      ‘Does it hurt?’ Jack asked, his fingers gently probing.

      ‘No.’

      With Jack’s fingers caressing her, Cally felt a shiver of something. Desire? Yes, that’s what it was, desire.

      ‘Oh, I think I’ve found it. About the size of half a pea?’

      ‘Yes.’

      Jack slid his other arm underneath Cally’s neck, and then pulled her towards him. He rocked her gently, back and forth, back and forth, kissing her hair, kissing her forehead.

      ‘I can’t find words,’ he said.

      ‘How about “Let’s make love”, Cally said. ‘Get some good old endorphins running through me. They’re supposed to be healing.’

      ‘You sure? I mean…’

      ‘Sure,’ Cally said, silencing him with a kiss.

      ‘Windsurfing?’ Jack laughed. ‘In May? This is the UK, you know!’

      ‘I know. The windsurf school hires out wetsuits. Life jackets. I really, really want to have a go.’

      Cally pointed to a windsurfer whipping along parallel to the beach. A small wave was breaking behind him, and a smaller one in front. The sail was a fabulous shade of magenta. No, amethyst. The same shade as the stone on the necklace Cally had found waiting for her at 23 The Strand. It seemed almost like an omen. A good omen.

      So Cally walked to where the windsurfing school was set up at the far end of the beach.

      ‘Hi,’ she said. ‘I’m a total novice at this but I’d really love to have a go.’

      ‘Hi. Great. We can do that. I’m Elisabeth – with an s not a z,’ the girl laughed.

      ‘I’m Cally, with a y not an ie and not short for anything.’

      Elisabeth helped Cally into a wetsuit and secured a life-support.

      ‘Be careful,’ Cally said as Elisabeth tugged on the straps. ‘I hurt a little bit.’

      Which wasn’t true. Cally had no pain around the area she had found the lump.

      ‘Oh, you’ll forget all that when you’re out there,’ Elisabeth laughed. ‘You’ll have the sun on your face – along with a lot of water, I expect! – and you’ll be concentrating so hard on standing upright that anything that’s bothering you in life will just fade away into insignificance.’

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