Me and Mr J. Rachel McIntyre

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      For Christian

       Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Dedication

January

February

       March

       April

       May

       June

       July

       AFTERWARDS

       ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

       JANUARY 1ST

      Q. What do you give the fifteen-year-old girl with no social life?

      A. A diary!

      Looks like someone did their Christmas shopping in the Ironic Gifts Department this year, eh, Gran?

      Happy New Year!

       JANUARY 5TH

      First day back at school after the Christmas hols and things were not great.

      Actually, that’s such a massive understatement, it’s probably visible from the moon, like the Great Wall of China. Or Graham Flett’s arse.

      Bumped into Fat Flett on my way to karate last night, so at least I was expecting combat-themed ‘banter’ from him and his twatty mates on the bus this morning. And I certainly got it. Yep, a whole twenty-five fun-packed minutes of ‘Behold the Ginger Ninja!’ and comedy karate chops.

       Hilarious.

      But, as everyone knows, an MP3 player is a bullied girl’s best friend and that’s why my iPod is my God. Music–1 Abusive Boys–0.

      The bus pulled up and, after one last chop suuuuuey! from some random lad, they all swarmed off to their school and I escaped into mine.

      Molly and Mikaela were already in registration, verbally stirring the cauldron of bitchiness. Maybe they’ll pick on someone else? Just for once? No chance. The word ‘Lara’ floated over and my suspicions were confirmed: today was definitely going to be a Bleak Day.

      When break came, Mrs Muirhouse turfed me out of the cloakroom where I’d been cosying up to a friendly radiator. So, there I was, shivering to death on my own in the yard when the witches of form 11G materialised before me.

      ‘Hi, Lara,’ said Molly in the warm, friendly manner of a talking shark. Immediately my hackles rose. (Metaphorically that is. Physically, I’m not sure I even have hackles.) ‘I wanted to tell you I spoke to your mum yesterday when she came to clean our house. Did you know she’s started working for my parents?’ Cue sycophantic laughter from Mikaela. ‘Weird, isn’t it? Next time I’m in my new en suite doing, whatever, I’ll be thinking of your mum.’

      ‘Lara’s mum’s a scrubber!’ shouted Mikaela and they all fell about laughing.

      Mikaela Walker, you are a comic genius. I. Literally Split. My. Sides.

      Of course, a true Ginger Ninja would have pulled herself up to her full five foot ten at this point and obliterated Molly with a killer windpipe chop. But I couldn’t even manage a killer one-liner. Hopeless.

      Former Best Friend Forever Chloe-the-Turncoat crept over when Molly wasn’t looking.

      ‘Hey, Lara.’

      ‘What do you want?’

      ‘Just saying don’t let Molly and Mikaela wind you up. Being a cleaner is nothing to be ashamed of. Honestly. I mean, it’s not like she’s a prostitute.’

      ???!!

      ‘Anyway, don’t take it personally, they’re only having a laugh.’ And with that she snuck off furtively, СКАЧАТЬ