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What had he been thinking in that moment? What was going through his mind?
He seemed to be so comfortable around the animals. So relaxed. She thought of what he had said last night at Bob and Ellen’s. How he had grown up on a ranch just like Jim had.
Except he seemed to enjoy the work a lot more than Jim ever did. She couldn’t recall Jim ever helping his father or even talking about the ranch with his father. The only reason they moved back to the ranch was for her sake, Jim had said. So she could have a home base and be near his parents.
Nick got back into the tractor, reversed and drove it past the other groups of cows. A few moments later he disappeared behind the shed and Beth knew he was parking the tractor, which meant he’d be here soon.
She turned her attention back to the blank piece of paper in front of her. What words could she put in there that would make Bob understand that she appreciated him? What words would be sufficient to let him know her turmoil at being here with such good people when their own son was so different from them?
She tapped her pencil on the paper, fragments of phrases spinning through her mind.
I appreciate your help…
Thanks for your support…
I wish I could tell you how I really feel…
Hope you get better in time for me to move away…
Beth tried to keep thoughts of her future at bay, but they crowded back into her mind, shoving and pushing and demanding attention.
What could she say to the man whose grandchild she would be taking away?
She pressed her fingers to her eyes, trying to marshal her thoughts, then pushed aside her practice paper, picked up her pen and wrote directly on the card. She waited for the ink to dry before she slipped the card in the matching envelope she had crafted.
She hoped he would read it and understand what she was trying to say.
A knock on the door downstairs pulled her away from her tangled, tiring thoughts.
“Come on in,” she called out, getting up. Her back throbbed more than when she had sat down. She arched her back against the pain, then shuffled to her bedroom across the hall to get ready.
She pulled her hair back again, tightening the elastic that held it in place. She did a quick check in the mirror. Her eyes looked too big, her mascara was smudged and she needed some more lipstick.
She grabbed a tube from her makeup basket, then caught herself. She was just going to the hospital. She dropped the lipstick tube, then spun away from the mirror and got the card.
As she carefully made her way down the stairs, Nick hurried forward and took her by the elbow. She was about to pull away, then realized how foolish that would be.
“Thank you,” she murmured, avoiding looking up at him.
“Is this your coat?” he asked, pulling it off the newel post of the staircase.
She nodded and reached for it but he already held it up for her. Again she felt a brush of disquiet when he settled the coat on her shoulders.
“Are you okay?” he asked when she pulled away again.
“Just not used to being treated like this,” she said with a jerky laugh, hoping to dispel the curious feelings he created in her.
“Really?” he asked with a puzzled frown. “Jim struck me as such a gentleman. He was always helping out the women at the base.”
Beth slipped the card she’d finished into her coat pocket and emitted a humorless laugh. “Of course he was.”
Nick’s frown deepened and Beth realized how that must have sounded.
Nick reached past her and opened the door. She tried not to look at him as she went through. Tried not to be aware of him as he walked beside her.
He made her uncomfortable because his presence brought up memories of Jim. That’s all, she told herself.
But as she gave him another sidelong glance and caught him looking at her, the faint quickening of her heart told her something else.
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