Baby on Board. Lisa Ruff

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СКАЧАТЬ repeated. “You make it sound like I was just a convenient sperm donor.”

      Kate winced. “That’s not what I meant at all.”

      “Then what did you mean?”

      She sighed. “Look. I didn’t intend to get pregnant, but I was—I am—happy that it happened. I’ve always wanted to have a child and now I will.”

      “Great! So what’s the problem? We’re having a baby. I’m going to be a father. Break out the cigars!”

      “No, Patrick. I’m having a baby.” He opened his mouth, but before he could protest, she continued, “I’m having this baby, and I don’t think you should be involved.”

      “I don’t see how I can be any less involved.”

      “I meant…” Kate paused and took a deep breath. He was making this much harder than she had planned it to be. “My baby is going to have a father. But it won’t be you.”

      “It’s a little too late to make that choice.” Patrick’s tone was dry as he raised an eyebrow at her. “I am the father.”

      Kate shook her head. “Not in that way.”

      “Oh? So who is the father in that way?”

      “I’ve got a list of possibilities, but I—”

      “A list! And I’m not on it?” With a laugh, he leaned against the workbench again. “What kind of joke is this?”

      “It isn’t a joke.” Kate could feel her face flush, but she kept her chin high. “Face it, Patrick. You would not make a good father. I’m looking elsewhere.”

      “You can’t make a decision like that on your own, Kate. You aren’t the only one involved here.”

      “You’re right,” she agreed softly. “There’s someone else to think of now. I want what’s best for the baby. That is not you.”

      His silver eyes darkened like a storm rolling in from the sea. “You have no idea what kind of father I would be. And you don’t have any right to deny me my child.”

      She squared her shoulders and tilted her chin higher. “Patrick, you’re never here. A child needs two parents. Two. Are you willing to give up racing so you can be that kind of father?”

      “Just because I like to sail doesn’t mean I can’t be a good father.”

      “Then you’ll give up racing?”

      “I don’t have to give up racing to be—”

      “Yes, you do.” Kate spoke right over him, ignoring his protest. “This baby needs you here to hold her and love her. She needs you to tuck her in at night, to worry when she’s sick, to catch her when she takes her first steps. She needs you here, Patrick, not out in the middle of the ocean. Or in some foreign port forgetting she exists.”

      “I wouldn’t forget my own child,” he said harshly.

      “So you say. But when you race, you seem to forget all kinds of things.”

      “How do you know anything about it, Kate? You’ve never even been out on a sailboat.”

      “Whether I know how to sail or not is not the point.” Kate was exasperated now, losing control of her temper again. “We’re talking about whether you’ll be here for this child or not.”

      He glared at her, but Kate wasn’t about to back down. She knew what it was like to have a father who was never around. Her baby would not suffer the same fate. Not if she could prevent it. She would protect her child from that pain, even at the expense of her own heart. Kate turned away from him and felt the heat of the furnace on her face. Usually comforting, this time the blaze fired her anger and unhappiness. She needed to get away from Patrick. If he wouldn’t leave, then she would; Kate moved to the door.

      Patrick followed and grabbed her by the arm. When she jerked free, he slipped his arms around her. “Please, Kate. Don’t run away. It’s my baby, too.”

      She wriggled in his grasp. “You won’t be the kind of father a child needs. You won’t be here. You’re just a sperm donor.” She didn’t hesitate to use his words against him.

      When she tried again to break from his embrace, one of his hands slipped over her abdomen, onto the soft bulge there. Kate stopped struggling. They stood still for a long moment. Kate could feel his breath in her hair and his heart beating against her back.

      Slowly, Patrick’s other hand slid to her abdomen. He gently cupped the slight swelling where there had once been a flat expanse of skin. Kate didn’t stop him. The shield she had erected against him slipped a little as he touched her. This was the father of her child. No matter how she tried to stop it, having him stroke the life they had created brought a lump into her throat.

      He spun her around in his arms and raised her shirt. After gazing at her pregnant belly for a long, silent time, his eyes met hers.

      “How long?” he asked.

      “Four and a half months.”

      He put a hand on her stomach again, spreading his fingers as if to encompass all that lay beneath the surface. The back of his tanned hand was dark against her pale skin.

      “Can you feel anything yet?”

      Kate nodded. “She’s pretty active. At first it was like having a butterfly trapped inside, but now it’s like she’s dancing.”

      “She?” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s a girl?”

      “I don’t know. And I don’t want to, either, but I don’t like saying ‘it’.”

      “I am the father, Kate.” He glared at her. “Don’t take that away from me.”

      With a jerk, she pulled back, tugging her shirt down over her stomach. “It’s not about what I want or you want. It’s about my child.”

      Patrick locked his eyes on her. “Our child.”

      “Her happiness is all that matters to me. I don’t think you’re willing to be that unselfish. I’m not sure you can be.”

      “You won’t even give me a chance, will you?” Patrick thrust a hand through his long hair. He paced away from her across the studio, holding one hand to the nape of his neck. He stood with his back to her for a long minute, then dropped his hand and turned around. “I didn’t get you pregnant and then just walk away.”

      “I know that.” Kate took a deep breath. “Look, for me, everything’s changed.”

      “You talk like it’s been years. It’s only been three months.”

      “Three months without you. Alone. On my own, with a child to think about. My life is different now, Patrick.” She placed a hand over her abdomen where his had rested. “I don’t think you’re capable of giving me what I need or what a child needs. And, honestly, I can’t afford to give you the chance to hurt me again. Or the baby.”

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