A Defender's Heart. Tara Taylor Quinn

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       Cedar still turns me on.

      “Because I’m not going to let him suck me back in.”

      “And that was happening?”

      She thought about the conversation she and Cedar had at the restaurant. Really thought about it, being completely honest with herself. “No,” she said. “He asked me for a favor. He used his knowledge of me to get what he wanted, starting with the suit he chose, ordering my tea, even mentioning The Lemonade Stand. I knew it. I saw it, Raine. My walls were firmly in place. It’s like I told you, I’m over him.”

      “And you left. Good.” Raine’s blue-eyed gaze seemed more concerned than celebratory. Although Heather had looked away from her friend, she caught the glance in the mirror they were both facing. It was oblong, decorative, almost a chair rail along one wall of the living room. There to make the room appear larger, Heather assumed. It had been there when Raine bought the place. She’d put her couch against the opposite wall, with her television mounted above the long mirror.

      There they sat, two thirty-year-old women, both blonde and blue-eyed, looking not much different than they had when they’d met a decade before. Heather’s hair was pulled neatly into a ponytail at her nape, while Raine’s was tucked in a scrunchie on top of her head.

      In college, they’d been called the Bobbsey Twins a time or two. Completely inaccurate, of course, as those twins from the books her mother used to read to her were two sets and a boy and a girl.

      “Hey.” Raine touched her arm, and Heather looked directly at her. It was why she’d come. To see herself reflected back at her with no judgment—and not just in the mirror. She wasn’t afraid. Wasn’t feeling weak. Didn’t need reassurance or a kick in the pants. Lianna would’ve been closer to run to, but she didn’t need strength. She needed understanding.

      “I didn’t tell Charles that I was meeting him,” she said. She hadn’t lied to her fiancé, but she’d been duplicitous all the same by deliberately keeping the information to herself, until after the meeting. It wasn’t like her.

      Unless Cedar and his manipulative ways had worn off on her without her being aware of it.

      Raine’s expression seemed to ease. As though she wasn’t so worried anymore. Which eased Heather’s level of tension, too.

      Good. She’d been right to come. She’d been overreacting and...

      “And when you did tell him, he got upset?” Raine asked.

      “I haven’t told him yet.”

      “Lunch was what...three hours ago?”

      She shrugged. “About that.”

      “And you haven’t called Charles in all that time?”

      “It’s been a busy afternoon.”

      “Yet you had the time to drive here.”

      If she’d been sitting with Lianna, the statement would have sounded more like an accusation. But the point being made was the same. Just more delicately put.

      Was that why she’d come to Raine? To be treated like a hothouse flower, rather than the strong, capable woman she expected herself to be?

      She unloaded in a rush. “I have to do the favor Cedar asked,” she said. “Charles is going to think it’s because I’m not really over him, or that he has some kind of hold on me. But I swear to you, Raine, I had no problem telling him like it is.” She told her about Dominic Miller’s woman-friend. About Cedar giving her a chance to help right an egregious wrong. “I might be the only one who can get through to her in the little time we’ll have. Residents can’t stay at the Stand for longer than six weeks max. At least, not without special permission.” The Stand didn’t have to adhere to state mandates, and sometimes residents did stay on...

      “You don’t need to convince me, sweetie.” Raine’s brow was creased, but she was smiling, too. “This sounds like any number of other jobs you’ve done. It’s precisely why people call you.”

      She had a good point.

      “So...you think Charles will understand why I have to at least go talk to the woman?”

      Raine’s shrug was noncommittal. “I can’t speak for Charles and don’t know him well enough to make an educated guess.”

      Raine had given the problem right back to her. What was she missing that her friend could see? And expected her to get? Or was she slowly losing her mind, thinking everyone was seeing things she couldn’t?

      She shook her head. There was a shadow side to everything. Doubt and uncertainty... And when it came to her ability to put herself in others’ shoes, to read them more accurately than most, that shadow side could interfere.

      No...that problem hadn’t surfaced until Cedar had used her. She hadn’t questioned herself until then. Not like she had since.

      “You think I’m overreacting as a side effect of having seen Cedar?”

      Raine shrugged again. “Maybe.”

      “What else would it be?”

      “I could see you needing some space to process the whole Cedar thing before being ready to defend it to someone else.”

      Yes. For the first time since Saturday night, when she’d agreed to the meeting with Cedar, her stomach settled.

      “What I went through with him...the intense love and then the horrible betrayal... Of course I need time to process seeing him again.” It all made sense now.

      “Which is why I was worried about you and Charles getting engaged so soon.”

      Heather’s stomach clenched again. “You think I’m not over Cedar?”

      “I think you’re over being in a relationship with him. You’re over some parts of having been in love with him. The rest... I don’t know...”

      “What rest? What else is there?”

      “The residual effects. I don’t know,” she repeated. “I’m not a professional counselor.” Heather had seen a counselor the year before, when she’d broken up with Cedar. Because of her job, she’d had to make sure her head was on straight. “It seems to me that the damage Cedar did... Well, you need to give yourself time to cope with that. And then to find out who you are when you come out the other side.”

      How was it possible that a heavy weight would lift at the same time that that one settled on her? That peace would come with dread attached.

      “I’m ready to be with Charles. Just not ready to be engaged...” She said the words aloud, but she’d recognized the truth of them before she spoke. “I need to learn how to be in a relationship in a healthy way before I commit myself to anyone... I have to be fully recovered...”

      She wasn’t sure she’d ever fully get over the damage that Cedar had caused her psyche, her heart. She’d thought she had, until she’d seen him again.

      Whenever she’d thought about him since СКАЧАТЬ