Conard County Marine. Rachel Lee

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СКАЧАТЬ was. Once. I don’t know about recently.”

      The stark honesty drew silence from both Coop and Ashley. They exchanged a quick look, then Coop rose. “I want that coffee. I’ll be back in a few.”

      The least he could do was give Kylie the time to talk freely with Ashley. If she could. No question that he was the odd man out, and acutely aware of it. He listened to the murmur of their voices from the kitchen and nodded to himself. Give the ladies some time alone. It might do Kylie a world of good.

      * * *

      “He’s a hunk,” Ashley remarked after Coop walked away.

      “I guess.” Which was kind of an evasive comment, Kylie thought as she heard herself. She had noticed he was a hunk. She just wasn’t interested in hunks or much else right now except the constant wondering about all she’d forgotten. The memory loss left her feeling unsettled. Uneasy. Unable to really trust herself, never mind anyone else.

      “So what’s the hardest part and what can I do?” Ashley asked. “Anything?”

      Kylie rose at last and walked slowly around the living room, touching familiar items as if they could connect her to the past that had a great gaping hole in it. Her ribs still ached, and she felt scars on her body stretch a complaint, but it wasn’t that bad anymore. “I honestly don’t know, Ashley. All I know is that it’s scary to have forgotten so much. I didn’t even recognize my own apartment, or most of what was in it.”

      “That would be...eerie. Weird.”

      “It is. I mean, I could tell I lived there, the signs were everywhere, but I couldn’t remember it. The only things I recognized were things I had before I moved to Denver.”

      “Creepy,” Ashley said. “My God, that’s got to be a scary feeling, Kylie. I can’t imagine it.”

      “Don’t even try. It’s hard enough to explain.” Weariness washed over her again. It had been a long day. She returned to her chair and tried to smile. “Some of it may come back. In fact, they seem sure that some of it will. The thing is, it probably won’t be enough to make up for those semesters in school that I can’t remember now. I don’t know if I even want to try again.”

      Ashley nodded sympathetically. “The nice thing is you don’t have to decide now. Glenda is thrilled to have you back. In fact, I think she’s thrilled to have someone in the house who isn’t Brad. Do you remember him?”

      “Yeah. Sort of.”

      Just then heavy steps alerted them and Coop appeared carrying a coffeepot and three mugs. “Want to join me?”

      Kylie felt Ashley look at her. Apparently it was to be her decision. A moment of amusement passed through her. Glenda swore she wasn’t interested in Coop. Now she wondered if Ashley was. “Love to,” she answered. Regardless of how she might be feeling, she could see no point in interfering with Ashley’s romantic interest.

      Coop poured and passed the coffee around and set the pot on a coaster. “If I’m a fifth wheel, tell me.”

      Kylie shook her head. “You’re fine. We were talking about my amnesia. We might as well talk about it. It’s kind of lying there in the middle of everything.”

      Coop sat on the other end of the couch. “So...how much did you lose?”

      “About three years for sure,” she said honestly. “All my time in Denver, all my schooling and training there...it’s a big blank. I don’t even remember people who were apparently my friends. The thing that also worries me is I don’t know if I have other blanks from earlier in my life.”

      He lifted one corner of his mouth. “I think we all have those blanks.”

      “That’s what Glenda said.” But she felt a burst of resentment. Having amnesia wasn’t something to be minimized. Not being able to trust your own memory at all wasn’t something to be brushed aside. But railing about it would only make these people feel bad, and all they were trying to do was make her feel better. God, this whole thing had turned her into some kind of mess.

      Apparently Coop was better at understanding people than she would have expected from a marine. He spoke quietly. “I’m not trying to be dismissive, Kylie. Not at all.”

      “No,” she agreed, the irritation remaining with her. “Everyone’s trying to be reassuring. And, yeah, I get that most of us don’t have the best memories, and that we all forget things, but it’s different when you lose three whole years!”

      She heard her own voice rise with vehemence and didn’t care. Let them deal with it. It stank. All of it stank. Being attacked and nearly killed would have been bad enough all on its own, but losing a big chunk of her life? Losing all that work toward her master’s degree?

      It was as if some part of her brain had simply shut down the sections labeled “Denver” and “Grad School.” She hoped she never remembered the attack. If that was all she had forgotten, she’d gladly live with it. But she had lost a whole lot more, and now she had to wonder what other things were lost that shouldn’t have been. Sure, everyone had holes in their memories, but usually they forgot unimportant things. She couldn’t be sure she hadn’t lost the important ones.

      Then shame pierced her. “I’m sorry. You’re both trying to be so nice.”

      “Well, maybe,” Ashley said, “us being nice isn’t what you need. Do you want me and the girls to stay away for a while, give you a chance to settle? Because honestly, Kylie, I’ve never dealt with anyone with amnesia before. You’re going to have to tell me what you want and what you don’t want.”

      “That’s just it. I don’t think I know.” Kylie dropped her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes. “It’s weird, Ashley. I keep feeling like I’m meeting myself for the first time and I don’t know who I am anymore. I remember who I used to be. But who am I now?”

      Coop spoke slowly. “I realize I’m a stranger here and should probably just keep my mouth shut...”

      Kylie opened her eyes and looked at him. “Just say it.” At this point she had no idea who might hold a key that would unlock the tension inside her and just allow her to move on. Because moving on was her only choice, and she really couldn’t understand why she was resisting it, fighting it, as if nothing mattered but remembering.

      “There are a lot of ways life can give us that feeling,” he said quietly. “I’ve had it a few times myself. An experience that completely changes you. Now admittedly, I knew exactly what I’d been through that caused it, but I do understand the feeling. It’ll pass, Kylie. Whether you regain your memory or not, eventually you accept that who you are now is all you are now.”

      “Wise words,” she said quietly.

      He shook his head a little. “I’m no sage. I’m just trying to tell you that what you’re feeling is a natural response to a huge change.”

      She propped her chin in her hand and closed her eyes, thinking about it. He was right. But so was she. Life had stolen something priceless from her, and she didn’t think she was going to be happy about that anytime soon. But wondering who she was? Maybe that was a pointless exercise.

      Ashley spoke. “You’re looking tired, СКАЧАТЬ