Special Forces Seduction. C.J. Miller

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СКАЧАТЬ I was alone?”

      His arm was slung over her waist. “I know you and I knew your date to the wedding meant nothing to you. You wouldn’t take him home no matter how lonely you were. But you seemed sad. I couldn’t leave you that way. I want you to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

      She was sad. Hurting. Lost. Confused. Now that she knew about Reed Barnett, she felt pulled back into the world she swore was dead to her, but she also felt good having a purpose and a meaningful task. Given her skill set, fulfilling work had been hard to come by in Bearcreek. “I have a lot on my mind.”

      She couldn’t tell Finn that she wanted a husband and a family and a life that involved footed pajamas, car pools and little league. A year ago Hyde believed a life of children and domestic duties was a prison sentence. She felt sorry for friends who organized playdates and spent their days playing cars and dolls. Now she wished she had considered her options sooner.

      Telling Finn she wanted those things would be ice water on his libido and his feelings for her. And while it would have been a quick way to end the relationship, she wanted him to think fondly of her and remember her in a certain way.

      Finn nuzzled the back of her neck. “I didn’t believe Connor when he told me you weren’t available for hire.”

      Connor, the leader of the West Company, had contacted her about a job while she was in Munich. She had impulsively told him she was retired, and after speaking the words, she knew they were what she needed. Thinking over the experiences she had lived through as a spy, she counted herself lucky she was alive and relatively unscathed. Running, hiding and lying were exhausting, but losing her baby had broken her. “I spoke to his wife about it.” She could trust Connor and Kate not to spread it around. It was better for her enemies to believe she was in the game and not sitting around with her feet up, like a target with a big red bull’s-eye on her chest.

      Finn touched her hip, rolling her to face him. “You should have called me when things changed. You should have called me when you decided you didn’t want to work as an agent anymore.”

      Her skin prickled where his hand rested. She couldn’t get enough of him, but her desire was at war with her heart. “You would have pressed me for reasons why.”

      He shifted close, sliding his hips against her. “You’re one of the best in the business. Why quit?”

      She’d give the simple answer and leave out the stuff about love and marriage and a baby. “This isn’t the life I want.”

      He tapped his finger against her leg. “Are you planning to stay in Montana and raise cattle with your family?”

      He sounded sincere and she appreciated that he was trying to understand. He wouldn’t understand this. What she wanted now was so over the invisible line of where their relationship ended, she couldn’t voice it without feeling silly.

      “I haven’t decided what I will do.” She had saved enough money to grant her the luxury of time to decide.

      “What about your operatives and contacts?” Finn asked.

      Hyde had turned away jobs over the last several months. She didn’t have employees who relied on her, not in the traditional sense. She had referred operatives with special skills to jobs that warranted them and vetted agents in the field. When she’d quit, she’d washed her hands of it and had been comfortable with that decision.

      Finn was the one open item on the past. She couldn’t have Finn and a family. “Operatives I’ve worked with will work for someone else.” It was how the game was played. The network she had painstakingly built from influential contacts now felt unfulfilling. She had made herself a warrior for the cause, any cause she believed in, and most important, causes where a woman was in danger. Those were the ones closest to her heart. She was walking away from those women who had needed her, often in crisis, but she would find other ways to give back.

      He brushed at the hair at her temple. “When we last met, you loved your job.”

      When she had last seen Finn, they had spent three days in the Maldives Islands. She’d been fresh off an assignment, relaxed and excited. Stress relief, great conversation and mind-blowing sex wrapped up in one person were how she’d rejuvenated herself between missions. What he’d offered was everything she had needed, and for that, she was grateful. “I’m tired of this job. I want a simpler life.”

      Finn ran his index finger down her cheek. He was pure temptation. “You’ll be bored.”

      Not if she found the right career or hobby. Plenty of people lived in the same town, drove to the same job each day and collected a paycheck every two weeks. She could do the same and she would be happy doing it. A husband and family could be in the cards for her. “I’ll be busy.”

      “Busy isn’t happy. I don’t understand why anyone would want a house that breaks and a job that goes nowhere.”

      Hyde’s brain spun. It wasn’t as if she was thinking about marrying Finn, but to hear him describe the life she wanted in disparaging terms, Hyde was hurt. She needed more than Finn could give her. Though she had known Finn wouldn’t settle down with her, or anyone, hearing him speak the words felt like the death toll on their relationship.

      Finn closed his eyes, oblivious to how she felt. That was one downside of subconsciously masking her emotions out of habit. No one could read her. “I don’t see it that way. My new job will be exciting because it will be different. I’ll have time off. I’ll have friends I see more than once every few months or years.”

      “You are the most complicated woman I have ever known.”

      A compliment? Why the groan? “I don’t think I’m complicated.”

      He shifted in the bed, moving the pillows. “The secrets you keep would make the average person insane. You hide them like you hide everything. But I have no room to criticize.”

      If he knew her biggest, most painful secret, how would he feel? He may blame her. He might be angry. If he was relieved, she wasn’t sure she could handle that. She would interpret his relief as happiness not to be tied to a baby who would have been an inconvenience to him and his work. It wasn’t fair to leap to that conclusion, but right now the only acceptable emotions surrounding her baby were grief, loss and sadness. Thinking of her baby, sorrow crashed around her. She put distance between her and Finn. “I can’t be up late. I have a wedding brunch tomorrow morning.”

      “Isn’t that what the reception was for?” Finn asked.

      “Victoria and Thomas want to spend time with family, especially those who traveled a long distance, while they have the opportunity,” Hyde said. She and Finn hadn’t spoken much about their families. Did he get along with his?

      In the last three months, she had been to a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, three dress fittings and a craft show. She had looped orange ribbons on bells and tied bows on bottles of bubbles while drinking wine with her sisters and mother. A different experience for her and she had enjoyed each. “Don’t you want to spend time with your family?”

      “Family is overrated,” Finn said. Indifference emanated from his voice.

      Red flags went up. Much about this conversation was telling. She hadn’t realized how focused he was on his job. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.”

      “Too СКАЧАТЬ