The Oldest Virgin In Oakdale. Wendy Warren

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      Chapter One

      “Ohh, Ralph, you handsome boy. No, don’t kiss me yet. I want to reach right…there…yes! Mmm. Ohh, that feels good, doesn’t it?”

      Eleanor crooned softly while her hands worked their magic on dear Ralph. She touched with a confidence bred from pure enjoyment of what she was doing—and lots and lots of practice.

      “Talk to me, Ralph. Does that feel wonderful? Hmm? Does it?”

      Ralph turned soulful brown eyes to her and gave a low growl that made Eleanor grin. “You’re turning into quite a hedonist.”

      Cupping her hands, she gave Ralph a nice percussion thump, then patted him on the back and announced, “Okay, time’s up.” Leaning down, she whispered in his ear, “But we can do it again tomorrow, big guy.”

      Waiting for Ralph to rise and stretch, she helped him off the table, then turned to pick up the chart she’d brought with her into the examining room. Pulling a pen from her breast pocket, she started scribbling. Under Diagnosis she wrote “arthritis”; under Treatment she penned “Shiatsu massage.”

      A knock on the door heralded the entrance of Eleanor’s assistant, Chloe. “How did Ralph like his massage?”

      Rubbing her nose beneath her glasses, Eleanor smiled. “Loved it.” They looked at Ralph, who gazed back sleepily, a huge grin on his bulldog face. “He’s much better today. Mrs. Kaminsky wants him to have cortisone, but I’m going to talk her out of it.”

      Chloe nodded, unclipping and then refastening a barrette on her unruly red hair. “Are you still planning to try acupuncture?”

      “Mmm-hmm.” Eleanor glanced at Ralph, who gazed back adoringly, his big droopy eyes twin puddles of sheer devotion. “I know it would do the poor baby a world of good.”

      The baby in question barked once, as if he were in total agreement.

      Chloe laughed. “Come on, lover.” Approaching the bulldog, she slipped a blue nylon lead over his head. “Time to go back to your home away from home. Dr. Lippert has other patients to see.”

      Reluctantly Ralph allowed himself to be led to the door.

      “Mrs. Kaminsky should be here to pick him up around four,” Eleanor murmured. Swiftly and efficiently she finished Ralph’s chart, closed the folder, and requested, “Let me know when she arrives, will you? I want to speak with her.”

      “Sure.” Chloe paused at the door. “Your next appointment is in room two. A boxer cross named Sadie, in to be spayed.”

      “Thanks.”

      Eleanor crossed to the sink to wash her hands while Chloe lingered in the doorway. She simultaneously raised her brows and lowered her voice. “The puppy’s cute, but check out the dish on the other end of the leash.”

      With her hands beneath the running water, Eleanor froze. “Dish?”

      Chloe nodded broadly. “Wait till you get your first glimpse of this guy. It’s like…like—” she circled a hand in the air “—finding a filet mignon in a meat case crammed with ground chuck. Definitely not from around here, or my hunk radar would have picked up by now. We are talking six feet of pure masculine perfection.” Her eyes began to glow with missionary zeal. “A match-maker’s dream!”

      Oh, no. Eleanor’s stomach muscles clenched in dread. “How do you know he’s single?” she challenged, certain of what would come next unless she derailed Chloe right now. “He could be married with four children.”

      “No way.”

      “Or engaged.”

      “Uh-uh.” The redhead shook her head. “His pheromones scream ‘single!’ Now—” she pointed a finger, pinning her boss with a narrow-eyed stare “—if I were single like some veterinarians in this room, you know what I would do? I would—”

      “Yes!” Eleanor turned off the faucet, shaking her hands over the sink. “I know what you would do.” Attempting to rip a paper towel from a mounted dispenser, she yanked too hard and sent a cascade of white sheets billowing forth. “If you were single—like me—you would go into examining room two and flirt with the steak.” Slapping the excess towels away, she tore off one, wiped her hands and tossed the paper in the trash. Then she grabbed her stethoscope and hooked it around her neck. “Fortunately for the reputation of this office, you are neither single nor me.”

      Chloe’s offended huff did not persuade her. Without further ado, Eleanor gathered her pens and charts. “It’s almost noon. Why don’t you go to lunch,” she suggested. “Have something calming. Like soup. And Valium.”

      Chloe stayed put, propping a fist on her hip. “Fine, make jokes if you want to, but I don’t think your social life is a laughing matter. I’ve worked here almost a year and a half. As far as I can tell, you have not gone on a single date in all that time.”

      Battling sudden nausea, Eleanor fiddled with her eyeglasses. “Chloe, we’re in the middle of a workday here. What does this have to—”

      “I told my cousin Frank to call you. He said he left four messages. You never returned a call.”

      “Oh.” Eleanor had the grace to look chagrined. “Well, I apologize for that. I…it was such a busy…” She snapped her fingers. “That was the week Mrs. Smalley’s ridgeback swallowed a compass, remember?”

      Chloe narrowed her eyes. “Have you gone on even one date in the last year?”

      Eleanor fought not to wince. She didn’t want to have this conversation. She couldn’t win this conversation.

      Moving past her assistant, she placed a hand on the doorknob. Familiar with the adage “the best offense is a good defense,” she hoped the opposite was also true.

      Lifting her chin, she spoke firmly. “Chloe, this is a veterinary medical office, not the Hard Rock Café. Our clients expect dignity, focus and professionalism, and that is exactly what they’re going to get.” She jerked open the door. “Now, we have a patient waiting in examining room two. Let’s try to keep our eye on the ball!”

      Blatantly unimpressed, Chloe shook her head and stomped to the door. “Come on, Ralph, we know when we’re licked. For now,” she tossed over her shoulder as she led the bulldog to the kennels.

      Stepping into the hallway herself, Eleanor closed the door behind her and breathed deeply.

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