A Family To Cherish. Carole Gift Page

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СКАЧАТЬ she said, jutting out her lower lip.

      Barbara stooped down and looked Janee directly in the eye, her temper rising. She tried to keep the anger out of her voice as she demanded, “Tell me, Janee. How did you get this bear?”

      Janee’s tiny chin puckered. “I got it in the pretty room with dolls and teddy bears.” She turned to her mother and pleaded, “Can I sleep in the pretty room, Mommy? Can I please? Please?”

      “No!” Barbara replied more shrilly than she had intended. She was trembling, her hands cold as death. “You can’t sleep in that room, Janee. It’s not your room. Don’t you ever go in there again!”

      Janee stood her ground, a feisty little moppet, precocious, imperturbable. “Why can’t I? Does another little girl sleep in the pretty room?”

      Barbara didn’t answer.

      All she could think of was Caitlin.

      Chapter Two

      Caitlin’s room.

      At midnight, as if drawn by a force beyond herself, Barbara opened the door, flicked the light switch and stepped inside, cradling the Victorian teddy bear in her arms. The room looked exactly as it had four years ago. Other than this stuffed bear, not one item had been moved, except during dusting and cleaning. Ruffled Priscilla curtains with tiny sweetheart roses framed the windows. The canopy bed was neatly made with its downy white comforter trimmed with eyelet. A family of teddy bears was nestled together in the royal blue Queen Anne chair by the bed, awaiting the return of Mrs. Miniver, Caitlin’s favorite. Barbara replaced it now, tenderly adjusting the red taffeta skirt and floppy hat.

      Barbara scanned the room again with a sense of relief. Yes, everything was back in place, the way it was meant to be. The white French provincial dressing table and bureau boasted a whimsical hodgepodge of dolls and books and games. The walls were bright with a mélange of crayon drawings, the paper yellowed now. And on the bed lay Caitlin’s pink ruffled nightgown exactly as she had left it so long ago.

      “Caitlin, my precious baby,” Barbara said with a muffled sob. “Dear God, why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I forget?” She stepped back out of the room and shut the door, her hand trembling slightly as she turned the key in the lock. At least now no one could trespass and violate her daughter’s memory.

      The next morning, shortly after Doug left for the hospital, Barbara reluctantly joined Nancy, Paul, and Janee for their grand tour of Southern California, starting with Universal Studios.

      “It’s too bad Doug couldn’t join us,” Nancy told Barbara as they stood in the long ticket line under a scorching August sun. Paul and Janee had moved to another line to see who got to the window first, and now Nancy seemed all too eager for chitchat. “You know, Barb, I told my brother he’s become a stuffy workaholic. I said, ‘Doug, life is too short to spend every waking moment in some dreary office.’ And don’t tell me he’s not, Barb. I can read between the lines. I say to him, ‘Doug, you and Barbara should be out having some fun and enjoying each other.’ Tell me the truth, Barbara. He doesn’t have fun anymore, does he?”

      “Work is his fun these days,” Barbara admitted. She looked away, her gaze moving absently over the restless crowds waiting at the ticket windows. She didn’t want to get into this conversation with Nancy. How could she explain to Doug’s sister what she couldn’t articulate? What could she say? When Caitlin was alive, we were a happy family brimming over with love and smiles and good times. Without Caitlin, our lives, our home, even our love has become an empty shell.

      As if reading her thoughts, Nancy patted Barbara’s arm and said softly, “God can give you His joy again, Barb. He never takes anything away without giving us something just as wonderful in its place.”

      Barbara nodded dutifully, steeling herself. She wasn’t in the mood to hear a sermon now, especially from Nancy, whose boundless fervor and exuberance for life had a way of exhausting the most intrepid of souls.

      “You and Doug helped Paul and me discover that truth years ago,” Nancy went on earnestly, brushing her flyaway honey-blond hair back from her face. “You introduced us to Christ’s love, Barb, and, thank God, our lives haven’t been the same since.”

      “I’m glad, Nancy. Doug and I are very happy for you…”

      Nancy grinned, squinting against the sunlight. “I bet you and Doug don’t even realize what you did for us. I just wish we could return the favor.”

      “Don’t be silly, Nan.”

      “Silly? I’m serious as a judge. But any gift or gesture I can think of pales by comparison. I mean, we’re talking about eternity here. They don’t make thank-you cards for that, do they?” Her lips arced in a whimsical smile. “Let’s see. ‘Roses are red, violets are blue…. Since you showed us God’s love, we’re ever indebted to you.’ It’s not Wordsworth or even Snoopy and Charlie Brown, but you get the idea.”

      Barbara moved forward, following the line. “Really, Nancy, Doug and I just did for you what someone else did for us long ago. We shared our faith, that’s all. And now you’re fine and we’re fine. Everybody’s fine!”

      Nancy clasped Barbara’s arm again. “Come on, Barb. Paul and I can both see how the two of you are hurting. We talked about it last night, and if there’s anything we can do to help, let us know. We’d love to do it.”

      Barbara wanted to say, Just let us be. Instead, she forced herself to reply sweetly, “Thanks, Nan, you’re the best. But like I said, we’re okay.”

      And that was the stance Barbara clung to tenaciously over the next three days as she accompanied Nancy, Paul and Janee to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm and Laguna Beach, not to mention two pizza houses, four fast-food restaurants, and one kiddieland carnival in the local mall.

      No one could say Barbara Logan wasn’t a trooper. She’d show Nancy she could have fun if it killed her. And it nearly did. She had the battle scars to prove it—a broken stacked heel, a torn linen jacket, a lost contact lens, and cotton candy stuck in her freshly coiffed hair. She’d never walked so much in her life, nor endured so many screaming kids, head-spinning amusement-park rides, and ear-splitting rap tunes. She was positively nauseated from too many greasy cheeseburgers, spicy pizzas, and hot dogs on a stick. For some reason, Nancy’s vegetarianism went out the window when it came to eating out at California’s leading tourist attractions.

      When Paul and Nancy and little Janee piled into their van on Thursday morning for their drive home to San Francisco, Barbara stood waving goodbye in the driveway, grinning from ear to ear like the original Cheshire puss. Privately she was relieved that they were going home and that her life could get back to normal. I couldn’t face another roller coaster or eat another kiddie meal or face another surging, suffocating crowd of frenzied tourists!

      That evening, Doug arrived home in time for dinner, no doubt knowing the coast was clear and the company gone. “So they got off okay?” he asked as he sat down at the table and spread his napkin over his lap.

      “Yes, all three of them. Early this morning.” Barbara set a casserole of chicken and noodles on the table and sat down across from Doug.

      “I guess they had a good time,” he mused, stirring a spoonful of sugar into his iced tea.

      “The time of their lives,” said Barbara through clenched teeth. She was suddenly angry, so СКАЧАТЬ