Torn Loyalties. Vicki Hinze

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      “And I shouldn’t fault him for it.”

      “He took an oath, as did you.” Mrs. Renault looked over, and gave her the infamous Renault lift of the brow. “Would you respect a man who made an oath and didn’t keep it?”

      “No.” She wouldn’t, but didn’t have to like admitting it. Grant’s position wasn’t lost on her. He was a man torn between the dictates of his faith and his country. And if her wishes and Mrs. Renault’s instincts were right, he was also torn between faith, country and her: a woman he cared about. Being pulled in three different directions had to keep him up nights, but she was up nights, too. She cared about him, but should she? Was caring about him putting her and her staff in jeopardy? If he was being honest with her, then no. But was he? Considering the pressure on him from all sides...she wasn’t sure. Odds were, he wasn’t sure himself. “Grant reporting shouldn’t be necessary. Talbot and Dayton know what we do here. You’d think they’d see merit in it.” Madison sipped from her mug, stared at the sun streaking in through the white sheers covering the window. “In four years, we’ve gone from zero to success by any standards. That should be enough.”

      “You’re assuming they don’t see merit in our work, and you know anecdotal evidence can’t be enough to negate a hard look when anything classified is involved. The Nest is a lot more...sensitive.”

      She did know, but she didn’t have to like that, either. She looked at the Purple Heart medal and spoke from her heart. “The problem is, I want to trust him.”

      “You’ve developed strong feelings for him?”

      “I wouldn’t go that far.”

      “Of course you wouldn’t. How far would you go?”

      “I hate it when you do that.” Madison frowned. Since her days as a POW, she was cautious with her trust. Betrayed and burned as she’d been—who wouldn’t be? “Why do you make me admit what I feel, especially when I don’t want to feel anything?” Madison let her see her exasperation. “I don’t want to care about him. I don’t want to trust him.”

      “But you just said you do want to trust him....”

      “See what I mean? He stirs things inside me and makes me so crazy I don’t even know my own mind.”

      “At the risk of rattling you even more—your hands are shaking—I believe you’re making yourself crazy. He’s just being Grant, doing the best he can in an awkward situation.”

      Madison groaned and kept staring at the medal. It meant so much to her, and Grant now knew it. Though she’d been sacrificed and the bond had been broken with her superiors, the bond between her and the spirit of the medal, her nation, her relationship with her family and her faith, remained intact. Grant not only had understood but also had said he felt the same way, though when faith and duty to country conflicted, it caused a lot of internal challenges. That he’d shared that revelation made another chink in the armor around her heart. “He seems honorable—as if he’s trying so hard to do the right thing all around. I know it can’t be easy, yet...” She sighed. “I feel like a horrible person for having doubts and as if anyone with sense should have doubts... This wouldn’t be nearly so hard if I didn’t...but I do.” She let Mrs. Renault see the misery in her eyes. “I...care about him.”

      Sympathy reflected in Mrs. Renault’s eyes. “I can see that you do.”

      In a cold sweat, Madison met Mrs. Renault’s gaze. “I think he genuinely cares about me, too.” It cost her a lot to admit that out loud.

      “Uh-huh.” Mrs. Renault put her pen down atop her pad on a little table beside her chair. “Madison, are you falling in love with Grant?”

      “Oh, I hope not.” She nearly wilted and a lump formed in her throat.

      “Why? Do you know?”

      “I’m afraid I do.” Trusting her heart had gotten her captured and taken prisoner, had changed the entire course of her life. “My heart can’t be trusted.” Madison walked over to the wall and pressed a button on the back of a landscape painting of the cove done by her friend Maggie Mason. It was the view from the club’s gazebo, less than a half mile from Madison’s office, and one of Madison’s favorite places on earth. A section of wall slid open. Madison gently placed the medal inside.

      When she turned, Mrs. Renault stood waiting. “I hate to say it, but trusted or not, I’m afraid your heart will settle long before your mind.”

      “Wits and wisdom, not your heart, get you through hard times.”

      “Perhaps it’s all of them—your heart and wits and wisdom.” Mrs. Renault returned to her seat. “That’s what happened when I fell in love with John.” She harrumphed softly, in the refined way only she could. “Oh, how my mind rebelled against loving that man.”

      “Why?” Madison couldn’t believe it. She always seemed so sure-footed on everything.

      “I was a military brat, and I vowed never to fall in love with a military man. I wanted roots.”

      “But you married John anyway.”

      “Yes, I did. And given the chance, I would again.”

      She had been happy with him, not that anyone doubted it for a second. Such a shame he died so young. “So your heart won the battle. That’s what you’re telling me, isn’t it?”

      “Wits and wisdom have their value but the heart always wins the battle. That’s what I’m telling you.”

      That was not what she’d hoped to hear. “Maybe so, but I’m not giving up yet.”

      Madison shut the vault, returned to her desk then sat down and stared at the fireplace filled not with wood but with strings of twinkling little lights. She said, “I don’t understand him. He listens but he doesn’t hear me.”

      “That’s been the problem with men and relationships since there have been men and relationships.” Mrs. Renault cocked her head. “I take it that you’ve discussed this communication challenge with him?”

      Madison expelled a hard breath. “I have. The problem is, this morning when he told me he couldn’t walk away from me, either, I was relieved. I was so afraid he would, I was almost sick inside.”

      “Maybe it was being out in the cold all night.”

      “No, it was him.” Madison fisted her hand. “The only other time I’ve been that scared is when I was captured.”

      “Oh, my. Strong emotions.”

      “Very strong emotions.” Madison slid her assistant a wistful look. “I keep praying they’ll fizzle and go away.”

      “Because...?”

      “I just told you. I don’t trust him.”

      “But you want to,” Mrs. Renault reminded her, her eyes darting a long moment. “I have an idea. Why not give him a real chance? Take a leap of faith? That could ease some pressure on you and be telling.”

      There СКАЧАТЬ