Modern Romance June 2016 Books 5-8. Tara Pammi

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СКАЧАТЬ more selfish than ever. I trained harder, I put all I had into sculpting my body for the part in case the time came when I could perform it. When Daniil and Libby saw me that first night as Firebird, it was no accident that I performed well. I had waited for my moment and planned for it, but there were consequences to that choice.’

      The perfectionist must now tell the person who mattered the most to her that, no, she was not perfect.

      And it had to be now because she could not dance with the weight of it, not even for one more night.

      ‘I can’t have children, Roman.’

      He looked deep into her eyes.

      ‘Because of my eating I have stopped menstruating. It is my own fault. I’m so sorry.’

      ‘Why are you saying sorry to me?’

      ‘Because I believe that you love me.’

      Still he did not answer.

      ‘And,’ Anya said, ‘if you do then it affects you.’

      ‘Anya—’

      ‘No,’ she interrupted him. ‘I don’t want your knee-jerk reaction. I don’t want you to tell me it does not matter when we both know that it does. I know that one day you will resent me for it.’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Oh, but you shall. When I don’t eat or I practise too hard, you will remind me of the cost of that choice. I cannot bear the thought of you blaming me.’

      ‘Never.’

      ‘Please, don’t.’ She put up her hand to his face and she remembered the first time she’d done that and he had flinched but he did not now. Theirs was a very precious love and she would tell the truth. ‘You do care and so do I. You said yourself that Daniil has everything you ever wanted.’

      ‘I wasn’t talking about Nadia,’ Roman said. ‘I meant that he was happy that he had a family he adored. He still would have, even if it was just him and Libby. Anya, I admire how you have pushed yourself, how you have given up so much for nights like tonight. And I respect it too. It’s up to you whether or not you believe me.’

      And she told him another truth. ‘Every time I dance, I dance for you.’

      But then Roman, the man who had always had her heart, told her again that it was time for something to be different.

      ‘Anya, tonight go out there and dance for yourself.’

      ‘For me?’

      ‘Yes, for you. You have worked for this, you deserve the reward.’

      He gave her a kiss, a long slow one that really ought to lead to the bedroom, but he let her go and then at the sound of footsteps Anya watched as his jaw tightened.

      ‘Privyet.’ Mika said hi as he walked past them.

      It was time to go in.

      ‘I’ll be watching,’ Roman said.

      It was nice to know.

      Only as she headed in through the stage door did Anya realise she hadn’t told Roman that she and Mika weren’t and never had been an item.

      Oh, poor Roman, having to watch them perform tonight, Anya thought, and then, for the second time that day, found herself laughing out loud.

      ‘Anya!’

      There were calls of greeting and also a sense of relief because Anya had arrived, and she was usually here by now.

      She waved back and went into her dressing-room, breathed and centred herself, had a shower and preparations began.

      She took out her feather and the little pink thing with dangly legs and placed them on her dressing table.

      And she took out a peanut-butter cup, which would be her treat and energy booster during the interval.

      Her peacock-swirl dress had been hung up and she would wear it later tonight, Anya decided.

      Then she thought of Roman and was starting to believe not just in his love but that they could make it.

      She took out the little trinkets that told of their love and she knew more about him now.

      The earrings were now a pair.

      Every time she had danced it had been for him.

      But Roman was right. Tonight she would dance for herself.

      Her friends, good friends, were in the audience to support her and so too was the love of her life.

      And he knew the truth now.

      Now she could dance for herself, and claim for herself the reward for the hard work it had taken to get to this point.

      She applied the finishing touches to her make-up and secured her headpiece.

      The costume manager came in for one final check.

      Anya looked at her reflection.

      She was shaking with nerves as she made her way through the maze of corridors to the stage. She stood there, battling nausea, but today it would not abate and she called for a bucket.

      No one was surprised. This was backstage after all and nerves were the motivator.

      ‘Better?’ Mika checked, after Anya had rinsed her mouth and the make-up lady had come and touched up her lipstick.

      ‘Better.’ Anya nodded and they shared a small smile.

      Soon he would hold her, Mika thought longingly as he took up his bow and arrow and went onto the stage.

      Anya took a few steps back to position herself for her leap onto the stage.

      * * *

      Roman sat as the performance started.

      Out came Ivan the Prince into the enchanted garden.

      And Roman waited.

      They all did.

      Friends who had been through so much waited for this moment and she did not let them down.

      As she streaked onto the stage Roman knew the agony behind such gracious, beautiful movements and he respected it.

      Just as she would have supported him had he been a boxer.

      No, Anya might not have liked it but she would not have held him back and he would do the same for her now.

      She was enchanting.

      And if she could forgive him about Celeste, Roman thought, then he could sit through this because there was serious chemistry on stage.

      Anya flirted, no, he corrected СКАЧАТЬ