Sydney Harbour Hospital: Bella's Wishlist. Emily Forbes

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      Bella tightened her grip on Evie’s hand. This was really happening. During her last hospital admission Sam had told her she would need a transplant eventually. That was the way things went with cystic fibrosis. But eventually had become now. Her lungs were officially failing.

      Out of the corner of her eye she saw Richard collapse into a chair as though his legs would no longer support him. His response surprised her. Her father was a man of action, he always had a solution for everything, a way to deal with everything—except when it came to her and her mother—but he never normally showed any sign of weakness. Was he actually concerned for her? Bella knew there was nothing he could do for her now but she couldn’t ever recall seeing him flummoxed. Was he concerned or was he confused?

      ‘What do we do while we wait?’ Lexi’s voice was unexpectedly loud in her ear and Bella jumped.

      ‘In the meantime, we start the pre-op processes. Physical tests, including blood work and organ function tests, as well as psych assessments,’ Sam replied.

      ‘What does the surgery involve?’ Richard asked, and his question answered Bella’s own. His tone said this was a question from a man who wanted information and clarification, not a question from a concerned father.

      ‘Obviously it is major surgery. Bella will be several hours in Theatre. It can take up to twelve hours. She will be placed on a heart bypass machine while both lungs are transplanted via an incision across the bottom of the diaphragm, then she will be transferred to ICU for at least twenty-four hours and then back to the cardiothoracic surgical ward.’

      ‘What are the survival rates?’ As was his style her father was keeping any emotion out of the equation. He preferred to deal with the facts and figures.

      ‘The figures are good. Currently eighty-five per cent of people undergoing bilateral, sequential lung transplants in Australia survive one year and sixty per cent are still alive after five years.’

      Bella heard a sharp intake of breath. For a moment she thought she’d made the sound but then she realised it had come from Lexi.

      Bella knew the odds. She’d lived and breathed them since her last admission. She knew the statistics were good, for the short term at least, but she also knew that to those who hadn’t spent countless hours doing the research she’d done, the odds didn’t sound that fantastic.

      ‘These stats are not just for CF sufferers,’ Sam clarified. ‘They’re for everybody and Bella has age on her side. Although she will still have cystic fibrosis, it won’t be in her lungs.’ Sam looked directly at Bella. ‘If your lungs are functioning properly, you should notice a far improved quality of life. You’ll have more energy, you should gain weight and you’ll be able to be more active.’

      ‘What do you mean, she’ll still have CF?’ Richard was frowning.

      ‘Bella’s lungs will be clear but she will still have CF in her pancreas, sweat glands and reproductive tract. She will still need her enzyme-replacement medication and she will start a course of anti-rejection medication. The transplant is not a cure for the disease, it just eliminates the disease from her lungs, and will hopefully extend her life.’ Sam turned to face her. ‘Bella, do you have any questions?’

      She still hadn’t uttered a word.

      ‘How long do I have?’

      ‘A month, maybe two.’ Sam’s voice was deep and soft but his words were clear and distinct in the absolute silence of the room.

      It was already November. Would she see another Christmas?

      ‘What choice do I have?’

      Her question put an immediate and definite end to the silence. Lexi started to cry and Evie started to reason with Bella. They both knew her choices were limited.

      Bella held up one hand, asking Evie to wait. ‘It was just a question,’ she said. ‘I didn’t say I won’t have a trans plant, I just wanted to hear if I have any other options.’

      ‘Of course you have a choice,’ Sam said, ‘it’s your body. You can choose to have a transplant if we find a suitable donor or you can choose not to. But you don’t have any other options.’ He spoke to her as though they were alone in the room. ‘It’s a big decision and I know how daunting this can be but ultimately I wouldn’t expect you to find it a hard decision to make. The consequences of your decision are self-evident. You’re free to talk to the psychologists and the transplant team in more detail, you can ask them anything you want or need to know, but you don’t have a lot of time to decide. Your lungs are failing. Without a transplant you’re on borrowed time.’

      Borrowed time. She knew that but it made it more important than ever that she get things sorted. There were things she needed to do. She had to prioritise. She needed to think. She closed her eyes. As she’d hoped, Sam took that as a sign to usher everyone out of the room.

      ‘Okay,’ he said, ‘I need to run a couple more tests and Bella needs to rest. You can come back later.’

      Bella thought Lexi was going to argue but she saw her look at Sam before she said anything. Sam gave a slight shake of his head and Lexi stayed quiet. The medical team was leaving the room and Lexi and Evie kissed Bella before they followed. Charlie and Sam were the last ones remaining. Bella looked from one to the other. Charlie was wedged in next to the bathroom doorhandle, he would have to wait until everyone else had left before he’d be able to get out. She needed to ask a favour and if she was running out of time she needed to do it soon. It looked as if Charlie or Sam were her only options. Not that they were bad options. This was a topic she couldn’t discuss with her sisters; she’d tried already and failed, but by the same token she didn’t think it was something to discuss with Sam either.

      Bella needed a sounding board. Charlie had offered his help and even though she knew this wasn’t exactly what he’d pictured, perhaps he wouldn’t mind. After all, this concerned Evie and he knew her better than most.

      Bella hadn’t seen Charlie for some time. He had been a frequent visitor to the Lockheart home but since Evie had moved out into an apartment there was no reason for Charlie to drop by. But she knew from experience that Charlie was a good listener and he could be relied upon for level-headed advice. She and Charlie had a history of heart-to-hearts, albeit a very short one, and perhaps he could help her again.

      Besides, she was running out of time and options. He would have to do.

      ‘Charlie, could I talk to you for a second?’ she asked. She knew he saw himself as family, maybe he could do this for her.

      Bella saw Evie glance back over her shoulder as she left the room. She’d be wondering what on earth Bella needed to talk to Charlie about, wondering why she wasn’t talking to her, but Bella knew this was one thing Evie couldn’t help her with.

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