The Amish Mother. Rebecca Kertz

Чтение книги онлайн.

       Chapter Four

      Lizzie woke up feeling ill. I overdid it this week, she realized. All the hard work she’d accomplished on the farm these past few days had aggravated her hip, and the resulting pain made her nauseous.

      She’d been sick a lot since Abraham had passed on and she’d felt the stress of managing everything alone. Ever since Zack’s first visit, she’d been afraid. Her fears had intensified after his departure. Now that he was back, she wondered if he was silently making decisions that would impact her life with the children. If he chose to claim the farm, what would happen to them? Could she somehow stop him? Would the fact that he hadn’t come forward before now work in her favor?

      Lizzie frowned. The children were Zack’s family and had the right to live on the farm with him. It was she who had no blood ties. She’d married Abraham, it was true, but for most of their married life, she hadn’t been a real wife...until the night before Abraham’s fatal accident, when they finally had consummated their marriage. Lizzie had been so happy that night because she’d realized then that her husband had begun to care for her as a wife instead of just a housekeeper and babysitter. If Abraham had lived, she thought, we might have had children together.

      Children. Lizzie gasped. I’ve missed one month. She’d missed a month before. Her woman’s flow was often irregular. She wasn’t sure why, but skipping a period happened to her on occasion. Since Abraham’s death, she’d been so busy caring for the children and the farm that she hadn’t noticed until now.

      She rose from bed. It was early; the children were asleep, but it wouldn’t be long before they stirred, ready for breakfast.

      A baby. She would love nothing more than to give birth to Abraham’s child, to have his baby son or daughter. The child would be a legitimate and accepted member of the Fisher family. My child would cement the bond between the Fishers and me.

      Her Amish church community accepted her right to the farm as the children’s stepmother and Abraham’s widow. But did Zack agree?

      Lizzie settled a hand on her abdomen. A baby. She silently counted the days since Abraham’s death. Within the next day or so, she would know for certain. Somehow she just knew she was carrying her late husband’s son or daughter. But she would not tell anyone yet. She would save the news for the right moment. She couldn’t allow herself to become too excited at the prospect until she was sure. But how could she not be hopeful? She would love to give the children a new baby brother or sister to love, the child of their deceased father. Perhaps Mary Ruth and Hannah would finally accept her.

      A door squeaked as if it was being closed carefully. Then she heard the sound of someone moving about in the hall. Lizzie grabbed the flashlight from her bed table and turned it on. She then hurriedly donned a robe over her nightgown before, with light in hand, she peeked into the hall.

      “Anne,” she whispered as the light fell on the child outside her bedroom door. “Are your sisters up?”

      Anne shook her head. The five-year-old wore her nightgown and carried her clothes as if she intended to dress downstairs.

      Lizzie waved her into the room. “Koom. I’ll help you get dressed and do your hair.”

      Annie smiled and hurried into the room that had once belonged to Lizzie and Abraham.

      Lizzie lit an oil lamp, turned off the flashlight and then helped Anne out of her nightgown and into her day clothes. Then she reached for a brush and comb. First, she brushed her daughter’s long golden locks. Then she combed, rolled and pinned the roll against Annie’s head in the Amish way. Lizzie smiled as she worked. She enjoyed fixing the girl’s hair; the simple action of brushing her daughter’s hair soothed her.

      “Why are you up so early?” she asked softly. There was barely a hint of dawn in the eastern sky.

      “I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.”

      Finished, Lizzie stepped back and turned Anne to face her. “Is something upsetting you?”

      Annie was quiet for a moment. “Mam, will Onkel Zack marry you and stay with us forever?”

      Lizzie froze in shock. “I— Nay, dochter. I don’t know your onkel that well and he doesn’t know me.”

      “But you can get to know and love each other.” Annie gazed at her as Lizzie placed a prayer kapp on the child’s head. “It is possible.”

      Lizzie worded her reply carefully. “I suppose it’s possible, Anne,” she said, pausing before continuing, “but unlikely.”

      “You miss Dat.”

      Lizzie nodded. “Your vadder was a goot man and a wonderful husband.”

      “You didn’t know him well when you married him.”

      Lizzie swallowed before answering. “What gave you that idea?”

      Annie reached up to lovingly pat Lizzie’s cheek. “I heard Mary Ruth and Hannah talking.”

      Lizzie felt dismayed. She could only imagine what the two girls had said. “I was happy to marry your vadder because then his seven children—all of you—became mine. I love you all as if I had given birth to you.”

      “I remember when Ezekiel was born.” Annie shifted to sit beside Lizzie on her bed. “Mam didn’t feel well, and I heard her crying and screaming. I was afraid.”

      “I’m sure it seemed worse than it was, Anne. Giving birth is a natural thing. Ja, it hurts a mudder as it happens, but then the birth is a joyous thing, and she forgets all about the pain.”

      “Mam didn’t,” Annie said, startling Lizzie with her words. “She wasn’t happy after Ezekiel was born. She cried a lot and Dat tried to make her feel better, but she didn’t listen.” Annie looked at Lizzie with confusion. “Why didn’t Mam love us anymore?”

      “What?” Lizzie said, taken aback by the child’s revelation. “I’m sure that your mam must have loved you very much.”

      Annie blinked back tears.

      “Nay. Mam didn’t want us anymore. I heard her telling Dat.”

      “She was probably tired and upset. I doubt she meant it.” Lizzie placed an arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “I’m sure your mam loved you just as your dat did.” Annie had overheard things that her mother never should have said. It upset Lizzie to realize that Annie was still hurt by the memory. Some women suffered depression after giving birth. They couldn’t enjoy life or their babies. Was that the way it had been with Abraham’s first wife?

      “I СКАЧАТЬ