Christmas Cracker 3-Book Collection. Lindsey Kelk

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СКАЧАТЬ audition or psychiatric evaluation first.

      ‘Oh don’t be like that, there’s nothing wrong with diving straight back into the dating pool to get you over a messy split.’

      ‘Do you have to sound like a trashy tabloid? Besides, I might not want to get “over a messy split”, as you so dramatically put it.’ I stop sorting the rings to look him in the eye.

      ‘Why on earth not?’

      ‘Because … well, just because,’ I say, feeling confused and unsure. I don’t really know what to think any more. I’ve got so many things whizzing around inside my head. ‘Anyway, I can’t talk now, customers to serve.’ I nod towards a loved-up couple, holding hands and sharing a joke, as they browse through the purses. A dart of longing shoots through me; they look so cosy and happy in love, and looking forward to a romantic Christmas together. And I still can’t believe that that was me, too, not so very long ago.

      ‘OK. But you must come and see me later. It’s vital.’ Eddie gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and heads towards the staff lift.

      ‘Maybe,’ I call out, as I walk towards the couple.

      Later, on my lunch break, I push open the door to the anteroom outside Tom’s office. Eddie isn’t at his desk, but he can’t be far away, as Pussy is lying on her bed under the desk, dressed up in a Little Bo-Peep outfit. I decide to wait. She stretches majestically and then nuzzles my leg before spinning in a circle on seeing me. I scoop her up and snuggle in, grateful for a cuddle.

      I’m hovering by the Christmas tree when I hear voices in Tom’s office. The door is ajar. I sidle closer and peep through the gap. Kelly is sitting at Tom’s desk, as if she owns the place – she even has her jingle-jangly feet up next to a laptop in front of her. I think she must be on a Skype call as there’s a female voice coming from the laptop, saying something about a hotel with underground parking. I wonder if Kelly is lining up her next series. Perhaps when she’s done with Carrington’s, she plans on filming in a hotel. But just as I lean in closer, the door slams shut. I instinctively clutch Pussy to me and jump back before ducking behind the tree out of sight, wishing my cheeks would stop burning. How embarrassing if Kelly actually caught me snooping. I wonder if she would insist on me being sacked, just like those people from the cruise ship in her last series.

      ‘Oh there you are.’ Eddie comes into the anteroom, bottom first, pushing the door open, and carrying a plate with two enormous cream horns on. ‘Hope you’re hungry. I’ve been all over looking for you. That girl from Lingerie, the one who’s covering your section, said you were in Sam’s café, but then Sam said she hadn’t even seen you today,’ he puffs excessively, as if he’s just run a half-marathon. ‘Here, pull up a chair and tuck in, this will cheer you up. Everyone loves a horn.’ He sniggers and gestures to the cakes. After placing Pussy back in her bed, I take one of the cakes and lick the gooey cream before sitting down opposite his desk.

      ‘Mmm, thanks,’ I say, biting off the bottom of the cake, savouring the sweet sensation on my tongue. ‘Sooo, why do you want to see me? And before you start, I’m not going on a blind date.’

      ‘But you must, it’s all arranged, and besides, it won’t be a “blind date” as such.’ He scoops some cream onto his fingertip for Pussy, who laps it up and then works off the sugar rush by hurtling around his office, the hem of her Little Bo-Peep dress flapping wildly.

      ‘What do you mean?’

      ‘Weell.’ His eyes dart from side to side. ‘It will be with me!’ he says triumphantly.

      ‘Don’t be silly.’ I crease my forehead.

      ‘That’s right. And … ’ He looks shifty now.

      ‘Who?’ I give him a nudge with my foot.

      ‘An actor.’

      ‘Nooo!’ I cross my legs and lean back in the chair. I know where this is leading – straight to YouTube.

      ‘But it’s all part of the show. Hannah was chatting about it and, well, Kelly is insistent. And we don’t want to upset her now, do we? She’s going to make us stars, plus you’d be doing me a massive favour.’

      ‘How come?’

      ‘I’m going to propose to Ciaran … on camera!’

      ‘Wow! Really? How romantic. But will Ciaran like that?’ I ask, knowing how he hates the limelight, in complete contrast to Eddie.

      ‘Absolutely. And he’s definitely going to say yes,’ Eddie states, swinging one leg over the other and looking very pleased with himself.

      ‘He is? But how do you know?’ I frown.

      ‘We’ve talked it all through – planned it out, if you like,’ he says, nonchalantly.

      ‘Doesn’t sound as romantic now.’ I polish off the last of my cream horn. ‘And isn’t Ciaran already married?’ I ask, remembering his disastrous wedding day to Tina. She used to work here in the cash office, and was after Ciaran’s money. He married her because he wanted to ‘fit in’ and, well, it’s a long story, but anyway, he’s come out now and is definitely gay and definitely committed to Eddie, even if the majority of his devout Irish Roman Catholic family refuse to talk to him any more.

      ‘Oh, but it totally is. We’ve been thinking about it ever since Ciaran’s annulment came through, and I guess when you meet your one, you just know … ’ I glance away and fiddle with my big hair. ‘Oops, so sorry, lover. Didn’t mean to rub salt in the wound.’ Eddie darts out from behind his desk to give me a hug.

      ‘Don’t be, I’m made up for you, really.’ I manage a wry smile.

      ‘Fabulous. And the most amazing bit of all – KCTV are going to film the wedding and pay for it all, natch. They’re talking Vegas babeeee. I can just imagine it all now, the Bellagio Hotel fountain and fireworks as a backdrop with a rodeo of topless cowboys, ooh … it’s going to be such a treat; maybe Liza Minnelli will swing by and belt out a show tune for us.’ He claps his hands together. ‘You’ll be my best girl, won’t you darling?’

      ‘Err, yes. Guess so,’ I say, quickly followed by, ‘Sorry, I’d be honoured to.’ I don’t want to spoil his moment. It’s not his fault I’m a dating disaster.

      ‘So why the long face then?’

      ‘Ed, are you sure about this?’ I ask, wondering what KCTV will want in return, and what if they fiddle with the filming? Who knows what they might do?

      ‘Of course, why wouldn’t I be?’

      ‘Well, it just doesn’t seem … very special. It’s almost as if you’re only doing it for the show. You know, to be on telly. It won’t be private, and think of all the viewers watching.’ I’d much rather have a romantic, intimate ceremony with just close friends and Dad there to give me away. But then I guess everyone’s different. I allow myself a moment to fantasise before snapping back to reality, because with my relationship track record, I’m far more likely to end up a wizened old woman, all on my own.

      ‘Exactly! Such a fabulous opportunity. And Ciaran agrees – why have boring old Mulberry-On-Sea register office when we can have OK! magazine?’ He makes big eyes. ‘Kelly reckons we’ll easily get a six-page СКАЧАТЬ