Until You Loved Me. Brenda Novak

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СКАЧАТЬ to return to the house. But she refused to approach Leo, who, on Thursday, had confided to Mary Jane Deets, a fellow scientist at the BDC, how distasteful Don had found it to sleep with her. How difficult it had been for both men to keep up the charade of friendship when she was the one who got to sleep with Don most nights.

      Ellie wished Mary Jane had never mentioned that conversation. The last thing she wanted to hear was that making love to her had been an unpleasant chore. Sex required so much trust... She didn’t easily expose her body or her most sensitive and private self, which was why what she’d done last night had been so earth-shattering. Only because she didn’t know Hudson and would never see him again had she been able to let herself go.

      The memory of his hands on her body helped her hold herself together. She had her own naughty secret. She wouldn’t be gauche enough to confide what she’d done to anyone at work, so Don would never hear about it. But she’d enjoyed making love with Hudson far more than she’d ever enjoyed making love with her ex. So what if Don had left her bed and returned to Leo’s? So what if they’d mocked her and laughed or said nasty things about how revolting it had been for him to touch her?

      Fortunately, she managed to clear the lump from her throat by the time he came back.

      “Thanks for gathering up all this stuff for me,” he said.

      “No problem,” she responded. What other choice did she have? She wasn’t about to let him back in her house.

      He looked as though he had something more to say but wasn’t sure how. So he took the box and stepped off the stoop.

      Grateful she’d escaped with so little interaction, she started to close the door but paused when she heard her name.

      “Leo and I would like you to know that we both feel terrible about how everything...you know...went down,” Don said.

      In the first place, that was a terrible pun. In the second, she didn’t believe they felt bad. They both had places of their own and yet she’d caught them in her bed, simply because it was closer to work, more convenient for their tryst. That showed no respect, no concern for her at all. And now? They acted relieved, even happy that she’d provided the impetus for them both to come out. To be their true selves.

      Everyone deserved that right. She had no problem with same-sex relationships; it was being used that bothered her. She felt duped, cheated. “Okay,” she said. “Good luck to both of you.”

      “I mean it,” he insisted. “You’re a nice person. I know that.”

      Of course he did. That was why he’d felt so comfortable taking advantage of her. He knew she wasn’t nearly as experienced when it came to romantic relationships as most other women her age. He’d preyed on that innocence and, somehow, she’d missed the obvious. “Thank you.”

      He seemed surprised that he wasn’t eliciting more of a fight from her. There were so many things she wanted to say—and rightfully could say. But getting ugly wouldn’t change anything. Why make it possible for him to excuse his actions by claiming she was a bitch?

      “I should’ve told you I was confused,” he added.

      She tried to hold her silence but couldn’t let that go. “You weren’t confused. You just didn’t want your family to find out that you were really in love with Leo.”

      “I was confused about how to handle it,” he clarified. “You don’t understand how much pressure I was under to be something I’m not. At least try to understand that we were both victims.”

      Maybe that was true. As nice as his family was in so many ways, they had no business making him feel he was any less because of his sexual preferences. But she hadn’t been a victim until he told her he loved her and asked her to be his wife. As far as she was concerned, this situation could’ve had one less victim if only he’d been honest with her. “You told me more than once that you’d like a family,” she said.

      He seemed startled by the change in subject. “I do!”

      “Is that why you did it?” she asked. “Were you waiting for me to pump out a couple of kids before you revealed the truth?”

      His eyebrows, dyed black like his hair, drew together. “No! How can you even think that?”

      “Maybe because of the other lies you told me.” And practically speaking, while a plan like that was reprehensible and totally unfair to her, it was a much less expensive way to have children than paying for a surrogate...

      “I knew how much my parents would like you,” he said.

      “Your parents,” she repeated. Wouldn’t this have been the time to suggest he’d cared about her, at least a little?

      “My whole family,” he clarified.

      The lump in her throat returned. Part of her desire to cry came from the usual hurt, but that wasn’t all of it. Despite their faults, she especially loved his parents, had welcomed them into her heart. “I’ll miss everyone,” she admitted.

      “That’s the thing. You don’t have to miss them. I’m hoping we can remain friends.”

      She shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m capable of that, Don. Not for a while, anyway.”

      “Take a couple of weeks, then. But you could still be part of my life, of my family’s lives. To be honest, I think it would really help them accept Leo if they didn’t have to give you up at the same time. My mom’s having a big birthday party on the twenty-first. Why don’t you join us like you normally would? We’ll all three go together and explain that...that you understand the pressure I was under and sympathize with what I was going through, and—”

      “You want me to help smooth things over with your folks?” she broke in, stunned. “Help them accept Leo?”

      He didn’t get a chance to answer before she rolled her eyes in disgust. “Unbelievable,” she said and closed the door.

      * * *

      “Hey, man, don’t beat yourself up. We’ll get ’em next time.”

      Hudson could barely keep from snarling as his left guard rested a ham-like hand on his shoulder before leaving the locker room. Will Hart, or Bruiser, as they called him, was a nice guy and had quickly become Hudson’s best friend since joining the team last spring. But Hudson wasn’t in the mood to hear any placating bullshit. He’d played the worst game of his life, had thrown not one but two interceptions and faltered in the red zone when he should’ve been able to convert. Although he’d had a few bright spots—one was when he’d scored on a thirty-six-yard keeper, putting the Devils on top for a short time—that last interception had sealed their fate. They’d been favored to win by fourteen points and would have if their quarterback hadn’t screwed up so badly.

      A loud clang resounded in the now-empty room as he let his head fall back against the metal lockers. Why hadn’t he taken the sack? If he hadn’t tried to extend the play, to make something out of nothing, they might’ve won. He should never have thrown that last ball. He should’ve gone down and relied on his defense to ride out the final two minutes—a point the ESPN sports announcer had just made when she interviewed him, and she was right.

      He could imagine what all the pundits would be saying in the next week. They’d question СКАЧАТЬ