Название: A Dozen Second Chances
Автор: Field Kate
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Контркультура
isbn: 9780008317829
isbn:
‘Did you get my postcard?’
‘Yes. It went straight in the recycling bin. We have nothing to talk about. I made that perfectly clear before. You were happy enough to leave me alone once, when it suited you. Why can’t you leave me alone now, when it suits me?’
Paddy leant against the stainless steel work surfaces, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
‘There are things we need to talk about,’ he said. ‘Important things. Don’t be like this. I know this bitterness isn’t you. What’s happened to you?’
My mouth and my eyes gaped wide. Was he criticising me? Who had made me bitter? Why had I ended up this way? He knew nothing about me, about who I was now.
‘Life happened,’ I said – no doubt in a bitter fashion. ‘It doesn’t always go the way you want it to.’
‘No, it doesn’t.’ Something in his face, in his voice as he said that, caught my attention – something undoubtedly real. But before I could process that, my second least favourite voice cut through the kitchen.
‘Eve? What are you doing? Why have you left the tea money unattended?’
Jo Blair stopped when she noticed Paddy, and her frown quickly changed to a smile.
‘Mr Friel! Have you lost your way? Eve, couldn’t you have shown him where to go?’
‘I tried.’
Paddy’s eyes glittered with amusement from behind Jo’s back, and all at once, I remembered how different things had once been between us. How laughter had bound us together; how he had acted the clown, never satisfied until I collapsed, clutching the stitch in my side; how I had stored up stories from my day, exaggerating the absurdities in the hope of hearing his laughter; how our radar for comedy had been so finely attuned that it had often taken only one shared glance to set us both off. I had never experienced that with anyone else. It felt like I hadn’t laughed like that in years. Seventeen years, if I was inclined to count.
‘Hurry up with the tea,’ Jo said, oblivious to the atmosphere in the kitchen. ‘There’s time to sell a few more cups.’
I nodded and picked up the urn, but before I could take a step, Paddy removed it from my grasp.
‘Watch your hand,’ he said.
He headed towards the kitchen door, and I hurried after him, with Jo Blair close on my heels. And as we made our procession into the canteen, I took a moment to analyse my feelings. Paddy’s condemnation had been uncomfortable and unarguable. I did sound bitter, and it wasn’t me. It had been my head talking, not my heart. When I looked there, I found no bitterness. I had hated Paddy once, but somewhere over the years it had gone, leaving mere indifference behind. Or not quite indifference. As I had been reminded so recently, there had been good times between us. The best, I had thought back then. Dig far enough down through the years, and there was a layer of our relationship where things had been perfect. Despite what had happened afterwards, I could never forget that. With my training, I should know better than to think that history could ever be irrelevant.
Paddy put the urn down on the table. I spotted Tina across the room, looking at me with concern. I shook my head at her. I didn’t need rescuing. It was time to face up to this.
‘What is it you want to talk about?’ I called after Paddy, as he started to wander away. He turned back.
‘Not here,’ he said, gesturing round. The guests had started to leave, but too many remained, hovering in the hope of a moment with Paddy. ‘Are you free later?’
‘Not tonight.’ It was too soon. I needed time to prepare for this.
‘Tomorrow?’
‘I’m working.’
‘Friday? Term will have ended, won’t it?’
I nodded. ‘But you won’t be here …’
‘I’m staying at The White Hart tonight. I can extend my stay.’
‘There’s no need to do that …’
‘There is. It’s important. Meet me for lunch on Friday. Please, Eve.’
Was I a fool to agree? Maybe. Maybe I had always been a fool where Paddy was concerned. But when he looked at me with the same expression of wordless appeal that I had fallen for hundreds of times before, I couldn’t resist now any more than I had then. I nodded again, unable to say the words, and Paddy smiled and walked away.
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