Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

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СКАЧАТЬ the Hibernian to see High Society, and he’d had a crush on Grace Kelly ever since.

      He parked the Bentley in the lane at the back, and Valkyrie followed him in. The carpeted surroundings absorbed their footfalls. They passed framed posters for obscure movies starring dead actors. No paying customer had been in this building for decades.

      The cinema was quiet, as usual, and empty. They walked down the steps between the rows of seats. The screen had a heavy red curtain in front of it, musty with age. As they approached, the curtain parted and the screen lit up, showing an old black-and-white film. The film showed a brick wall and an open door. The soundtrack was of a city at night. Valkyrie followed Skulduggery up on to the small stage and they walked to the door, their shadows falling on to the image. Then they walked through the screen.

      They took the stairs that lay on the other side and gradually the artificial light swept the gloom away. They reached the top floor, where all signs of the old cinema had been replaced by gleaming corridors and laboratories. The owner of the Hibernian had spent a lot of time renovating the building, developing it into the magic-science facility he’d always dreamed about. Because of the delicate nature of the work done in all the various sections – the medical bay, the brand-new Morgue, the Theoretical Magic (R&D) Department – there were no windows, and the temperature was carefully controlled. Although he had the run of the entire building, shared only with his two assistants, the owner still chose to work in the smallest, darkest laboratory, and that was where they found him.

      Professor Kenspeckle Grouse looked around when Skulduggery said his name. “You again,” he said in a voice that was not overflowing with warmth and hospitality. “What do you want?” Kenspeckle was a small, elderly man with a mass of white hair and very little patience.

      “We have something for you, Professor,” Skulduggery said, showing him the syringe that had fallen from Dusk’s pocket. “We were wondering if you’d have time to analyse it.”

      “Oh, as if I’m not kept busy enough as it is,” Kenspeckle said gruffly. “Valkyrie, I haven’t seen you in weeks. Staying out of trouble?”

      “Not really,” Valkyrie admitted.

      “Nor did I expect you to,” he said with an exasperated sigh. For all his crotchety behaviour and ill manners, the elderly scientist seemed to have a soft spot for Valkyrie. “So what has he dragged you into this time?”

      “I haven’t dragged her into anything,” Skulduggery said defensively.

      Valkyrie smiled. “Fights, kidnap attempts, more fights. Business as usual, you know how it is.” Skulduggery’s phone rang and he stepped away to answer it.

      Now that Skulduggery was out of earshot, Kenspeckle let his voice soften in tone. “How is the shoulder from last month?”

      “Much better,” she answered. “I was barely left with a bruise.”

      Kenspeckle nodded. “I used a new mixture. The ingredients are a little harder to find, but for my favourite patients I like to make sure the healing process is as painless as possible.”

      “I’m on that list?” Valkyrie asked, her smile growing wider.

      Kenspeckle snorted. “You are the list.” Valkyrie laughed.

      “Your partner certainly isn’t,” Kenspeckle continued, returning his attention to Skulduggery as his phone call ended. “Let me see that syringe.” Skulduggery handed it over.

      “Where did you get it?”

      “It fell out of a vampire’s pocket.”

      Kenspeckle held the syringe up to the light, examining the liquid within. “Fascinating creatures, vampires. Two completely separate layers of epidermis, the upper layer of which regenerates when the sun comes up. Human by day, gifted with slightly enhanced speed and strength, but essentially mortal. But at night …”

      Valkyrie nodded. “I know what they’re like at night.”

      “Hmm? Oh, that’s right. You have firsthand knowledge, don’t you? How did you get that I wonder? Oh, yes.” He glared at Skulduggery. “Someone with absolutely no sense of responsibility dragged you in front of a vampire and almost got you killed.”

      Skulduggery tilted his head. “Are you talking about me?” he asked innocently.

      Kenspeckle scowled and went back to examining the syringe. “I’ve seen this before,” he said, “but only once. It’s a rare concoction of hemlock and wolfsbane. It would be used by a vampire to suppress his bestial nature at night.”

      “Makes sense,” Skulduggery murmured. “Dusk is of no use to Vengeous if he loses control every time the sun goes down.”

      Kenspeckle loosened his tie and undid his top shirt button. “I had a run-in with a vampire in my youth, and I barely escaped with my life. That’s why I carry this with me everywhere I go.” He showed them a glass vial that hung around his neck.

      “Is that holy water?” Valkyrie asked, a little doubtfully.

      “Holy water? No, no, no, Valkyrie. It’s sea water.”

      “Right,” she said slowly.

      “Holy water doesn’t work,” Kenspeckle explained, “and stakes through the heart won’t kill them. Decapitation is effective, but then decapitation is effective against most things. The one vampire legend that does have merit, however, is running water.”

      Valkyrie frowned. “OK, and that seems to be the one legend I’ve never heard of.”

      Skulduggery spoke up. “There’s an old myth that vampires can’t pass over running water, so they couldn’t cross a bridge that spans a river, for instance. Now, while crossing bridges doesn’t phase them in the slightest, the truth of the myth stems from salt water.”

      “Vampires have an extreme allergic reaction to the stuff,” Kenspeckle said. “If ingested, it would swell a vampire’s throat, blocking its air passage. Which is why I carry some with me at all times.”

      “But wouldn’t they have to swallow it?” Valkyrie asked.

      “Well, yes …”

      “And how would you get a vampire to swallow the water before it killed you?” Kenspeckle blinked and didn’t say anything.

      “Never mind,” Valkyrie said quickly. “I’m sure, you know, you’d find a way. Like, you could throw the water into its mouth when it’s, uh, about to bite you.”

      Kenspeckle’s shoulders slumped, and Valkyrie felt incredibly guilty that she had poked a hole in his plan. “Leave me,” he said a little mournfully.

      “I’m sorry …” Valkyrie began, but he held up his hand.

      “No need to apologise. I am a medical genius, a scientific genius, but obviously not a tactical genius. And to think, for the last 180 years I was unafraid of vampires because I had a vial of salt water tied around my neck. What an idiot.”

      Kenspeckle shuffled off and Skulduggery patted Valkyrie on the shoulder. “Congratulations,” he said. “You’ve СКАЧАТЬ