Scandalous Sins. Tara Pammi

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СКАЧАТЬ they have a fling? It was the perfect chance for her to let go of her past and explore her sensuality without shame, without fear, with a man she not only trusted but admired and cared about. Why couldn’t he see how much she needed him to help wipe away the past? ‘I’m sorry for misreading the signals. Of course you wouldn’t want to sleep with me. No one wants to sleep with me unless I’m coma-drunk. Why am I so hopeless at this?’

      Cam took her by the shoulders this time, locking his gaze on hers. ‘You’re not hopeless at anything, sweetheart. You’re a beautiful and talented young woman who deserves to be happy. I’m trying for damage control here. If we take this further, it will blur the boundaries. For both of us.’

      Violet planted her hands on his chest, feeling the thud-pitty-thud-pitty-thud of his heart beneath her palm. The battle was played out on his features: the push of pulsating desire and the pull away of his sense of duty. Push. Pull. Push. Pull. It was mirrored in the rhythm of a muscle flicking in his jaw. ‘But you want me...don’t you?’ she said.

      He brought her up against his body, pelvis to pelvis, his eyes holding hers. ‘I want you, but—’

      ‘Let’s leave the “but” out of it,’ Violet said. ‘If I were anyone else, you’d have a fling with me, wouldn’t you?’

      He let out a short breath. ‘You’re not a fling type of girl so—’

      ‘But what if I was? What if I wanted to have a fling with you because I’m so darn tired of being the girl without a date, the girl who hasn’t had proper consensual sex? I’m sick of being that girl, Cam. I’m turning thirty in January. I want to find the courage to embrace my sexuality and who better with than you? Someone I trust and feel safe with.’

      It was clear she had created a dilemma for him. His expression was a picture of conflict. His hands tightened on the tops of her shoulders, as if torn between wanting to bring her closer and pushing her away. ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said. ‘That’s the last thing I want.’

      ‘How will you hurt me?’ Violet asked. ‘I’m not asking you to commit to anything permanent. I know that’s not what you want and I’m fine with that.’ Not exactly true, but still. ‘We can have a fling for as long as our pretend engagement lasts. It will make it appear more authentic.’

      He cupped her face with the broad span of his hand while his thumb stroked back and forth on her cheek. ‘Looks like you’ve thought all of this through.’

      ‘I have and it’s what I want. It’s what you want too, isn’t it?’

      His frown hadn’t gone away but was pulling his brow into deep vertical lines between his eyes. ‘What about your family?’

      ‘What about them?’ Violet said. ‘They already think we’re...together. Why shouldn’t we therefore actually be together?’

      ‘There’s something a little off with your logic but I’m not sure what it is.’

      ‘What’s logical about lust?’

      His frown was back. ‘Is that all this is?’

      ‘Of course.’ Violet suspected she might have answered a little too quickly. ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you.’

      His eyes did that back and forth thing that made her feel as if he was looking for the truth behind the screen of her gaze. ‘The thing is...good sex can make people fall in love with each other.’

      Violet cocked her head. ‘So, I’m presuming you’ve had plenty of good sex. Have you ever fallen in love?’

      ‘No, but that doesn’t—’

      ‘Then what makes you think you will this time?’

      He blinked as if he was confused about her line of argument. ‘I’m not worried about me falling in love, I’m worried about you.’

      Violet raised her brows. ‘What makes you think you’ll be immune to falling in love?’

      He opened and closed his mouth, seemingly lost for an answer. ‘Sex for me is a physical thing. I never allow my emotions to become involved.’

      ‘Sounds like heaps of fun, just getting it on with someone’s body without connecting with them on any other level.’

      His brows snapped together and he dropped his hands from her hips. ‘Damn it. It’s not like that. At least I know their names and make sure they’ve given full and proper consent and are conscious.’

      Violet wasn’t going to apologise for her straight talking. In her opinion he was short-changing himself if he stuck to relationships that were based on mutual lust and nothing else. What about sharing someone’s life with them? What about growing old together? What about being fully present in a relationship that made you grow as a person?

      All the things she wished for but hadn’t so far been able to find.

      ‘You remind me of Fraser before he met Zoe. He was always saying he’d never fall in love. Look what happened to him. A chance meeting with Zoe and now he’s married with twins and he couldn’t be happier.’

      Cam blew out a frustrated-sounding breath. ‘It’s different for your brother. He’s had the great example your parents have set. He’s had that since he was a baby—all of you have. I had a completely different example, one I wouldn’t wish on a partner and certainly not on any children.’

      Violet studied his tense expression, his even more rigidly set body and the way his eyes glittered with bitterness. And the way he had put some distance between their bodies as if he didn’t trust himself not to reach for her. ‘What exactly happened between your parents that you’re so against marriage?’

      It was a moment or two before he spoke. ‘They only got married because my mother got pregnant with me. They were pressured into it by both of their families, although to be fair my mother was in love with my father, but unfortunately he didn’t feel the same. It was a disaster from the word go. The earliest memories I have are of my parents fighting. They’re the only memories I have, really.’

      ‘But that doesn’t mean you’d conduct a relationship like that,’ Violet said. ‘You’re not that type of person.’

      He gave a short laugh that had a note of cynicism to it. ‘Thanks for the character reference but it won’t be needed. I’m fine with how my life is now. I don’t have to check in with anyone. I’m free to do what I want, when I want, with whomever I want.’

      ‘As long as they’re not married to your richest client or are your best friend’s kid sister,’ Violet said with a pointed look.

      He pressed his lips together as if checking a retort. ‘Violet...’

      ‘It’s fine.’ Violet turned away with an airy wave of one hand. ‘I get the message. You don’t want to complicate things by sleeping with me. I’m not going to beg. I’ll find someone else. After our engagement is over, of course.’

      It was a great exit line.

      And it would have been even better if she hadn’t stumbled over the rug on her way out.

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