Healed By The Midwife's Kiss. Fiona McArthur

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       CHAPTER NINE

      Finn

      FINN FELT HIS stomach drop. He wasn’t seeing the path or the ocean or the sky overhead. He shouldn’t have asked about day care. But something inside had dared him to. Something that wanted him to move on, as if he’d known he’d be catapulted into a decision if he put it out there. All his instincts wanted to draw back. Stop her telling him. Say he’d ask if he decided it was time. She’d understand. Not sure how he knew that but he believed in the truth of it.

      Instead he said, ‘Would you recommend her?’

      She looked at him thoughtfully. Kindly. ‘That’s tough because it’s not about me,’ she said gently, as if she could read his distress. Then she looked at Piper. ‘Marni could mind my child, if I had one.’ The tone was almost joking. He saw something that looked like pain flit across her face and remembered again there were people out there who did suffer as much as he did. People like Catrina. Left alone by the love of their life—without choice and unintentionally. Loss of love and no baby to hold like he did. Imagine life without Piper.

      Catrina’s voice wasn’t quite steady but he could hear the struggle to make it so. It had been a very brave thing to say and he wanted to tell her that. Wanted to tell her that he understood. But still the coward inside him shied away from so much emotion.

      Catrina said, ‘Maybe you could see if Piper likes her before you commit to work and see how she goes? Just an hour or two?’

      ‘That’s a good idea. Tell me about her.’

      He saw her gaze into the distance, a soft smile on her face and a glimmer of distress, though this time he didn’t think it was for herself. ‘She’s a younger mum. Early twenties. She and her husband own the dry-cleaners in town but she’s a stay-at-home mum. Marni’s Mother Earth and the boys are six months old. Bundles of energy, healthy as all get-out, which is great because she nearly lost them at twenty-three weeks, and she spent a lot of time in hospital. As far as the midwives of Lighthouse Bay think, she’s a hero to us.’

      He had to smile at that. ‘The Midwives of Lighthouse Bay. Sounds like a serial on TV.’

      She laughed a little self-consciously and he regretted making light of the one stable thing she had in her life, hadn’t meant to embarrass her. ‘Don’t get me wrong. It’s another good ending to a story.’

      Catrina seemed to relax. ‘It really was. Ellie’s husband, Sam, had been involved in research into preventing extreme premature birth in Brisbane, and thankfully he was here when she went into labour. Marni and Bob are a lovely couple who’d already lost an extremely premature baby daughter.’

      Finn wasn’t so sure. She already had twins and he wanted someone who could concentrate on Piper. ‘How could she care for Piper as well?’ Finn was more uncertain now. ‘Sounds a bit hectic. She has twins and she’s doing day care?’

      He caught Trina’s encouraging smile and suddenly saw how she could be a good midwife. Her empathy shone warm—he felt she understood and was reassuring him that he would conquer his fear of letting Piper out of his sight. All without putting on pressure. Encouraging him to test his own strength without expectations. Treating him like a woman in labour battling her own fear. Wow. She had it down pat.

      Then she said, ‘She loves minding babies. And babies love her. Usually she’s minding them for free. We keep telling her she should become a midwife and I wouldn’t be surprised when the boys go to school if she’ll look at it. But, for now, she’s just starting up official day care.’

      Absently he bent and stroked Piper’s leg at his side. ‘Maybe I could meet her before I talk to Dr Southwell? It’s a good idea to see if Piper likes her before I commit to work, though. You’ll have to give me her number.’

      ‘Or we could visit her. Meet her and her husband. See their house. They’re a lovely couple and live only a few doors up from you. In the blue pastel cottage.’

      It was all happening too quickly. He could feel the panic build and squashed it down again. He could do this. Just not today.

      Catrina touched his arm—the first time she had physically connected with him of her own volition—and again that frisson of awareness hummed where they touched. He glanced at her but her expression still showed only compassionate support. ‘It’s something to think about. Marni is just the one I know. There will be others when you’re ready.’

      His relief made his shoulders sag. She must have seen it on his face. Was he that transparent? He’d have to work on his game face before he went back to work or his patients’ parents would run a mile.

      He tried to make light of it. ‘I imagine every parent must feel like this when they have to go back to work. Torn.’

      ‘Absolutely. We see mums that can’t stay in hospital for one night after birth because they hate leaving the other child or children too much.’ She looked towards Piper and smiled. ‘I’d find it hard to leave Piper if she were mine.’

      His face tightened. He could feel it. Some women could. Piper’s mother had no problem. And he’d be the one who had to break his daughter’s heart when the time came to tell the truth.

      Catrina opened her mouth—he didn’t want to talk about Clancy—but all she said was, ‘The cave’s just around this next headland.’ He was glad she’d changed the subject.

      The cave, when they arrived, curved back into the cliff and created an overhang half the size of his house. A few round boulders acted as seats for looking out over the ocean out of the sun. Or rain. Plenty of evidence suggested people had camped and made campfires there but on the whole it had stayed clean and cool, and dim towards the back. The sort of place young boys would love to go with their mates.

      He could stand up in the cave easily and they stomped around in it for a few minutes before Catrina suggested they go the small distance further to the glade so Piper could be released from the backpack.

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