Dreams & Desires. Kat Cantrell

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СКАЧАТЬ than him. I was supposed to take over his business. Instead, I sold it all off before the body was cold.”

      Her brows rose.

      “I know that sounds crass, and probably a little selfish, but the offer was made and I took it. I never wanted his business. From the time I was small I was into nature and conservation. There was a time when I seriously considered becoming a veterinarian.”

      “No way.”

      “I loved animals, and it got me into trouble sometimes.”

      “How so?”

      “When I was a kid, maybe thirteen or fourteen, I got wind of a project my dad and his company would be working on. They were trying to buy land and develop on a nature preserve. I went on a campaign to stop them.”

      “You must have been a really confident kid to take on not only a huge company but also your own father.”

      “I’m not sure if it was confidence, stupidity or just a glaring lack of common sense, but when he figured out what I was up to he grounded me for a month.”

      “And you said that your mother wasn’t around?”

      “It was a pretty strange situation actually. My father hired my mother as a surrogate. He wanted an heir, a mini me, if you will. Long story short, they fell in love.”

      “Wow, it sounds like the plot of a romance novel or movie. What could be more romantic?”

      “Shortly after my birth she left us both for the limo driver.”

      Clare cringed. “Okay, so not that romantic,” she said. “How sad that must have been for your father, especially with a newborn baby.”

      “I think he was more angry than sad. For pretty much my entire childhood he drilled into me that women were all liars and cheaters and were not to be trusted. He considered them playthings.”

      “And you believed him?”

      “You hear something enough times, you can’t help but believe it. He more or less had me brainwashed.”

      One bad experience and Parker’s father felt the need to judge all women? “What a horrible thing to do to you,” she said.

      “I had money to burn, a career I loved and women champing at the bit, willing to do pretty much anything to land me. And I let them, knowing damn well I would never settle down. In my eyes, life should have been perfect. In reality I felt empty, and disgusted with myself. At that point I knew things had to change. I can’t really blame my mother for leaving,” Parker said. “If you knew my father you would understand why. To put it in simple terms, he was a bully. It was his way or the highway.”

      “So you’ve never even met her?”

      He shook his head. “I haven’t even seen a picture. I thought I might find some when he died, but he probably burned them.”

      “If she thought your father was that terrible, why did she leave you there with him?”

      “I’ve asked myself that same thing a million times.”

      “I just... I don’t understand. I’ll never understand how a woman could leave her own child.”

      “I’ll probably never know why she did it, but I’d like to think she left out of her love for me. That I was somehow better off without her. I guess I’ll never know for sure.”

      “You’ve never tried to find her? It probably wouldn’t be that difficult.”

      “I’m not difficult to find either.”

      There was so much buried pain and bitterness in those words it hurt her heart.

      “Why don’t we talk about something else?” he said, stretching out across the bed and pulling her down with him. “Or better yet, let’s not talk at all.”

      Tempting, but there was something she had to say to him, something he deserved to hear, hard as it would be. She untangled herself from his arms and sat up. “No, we do need to talk.”

      He sat up, too. “What?”

      “I need to explain to you why I’m the way I am. You know, my need to be in control of myself at all times. Especially in bed.”

      “Clare, you don’t have to explain.”

      “No, I do. I want you to understand.” She took his hand between her two and squeezed it. “I trust you.”

      The smile he flashed her made her feel all warm inside. She was starting to believe that he genuinely cared about her. Which was awful, of course, and wonderful. And she didn’t have a clue what to do about it.

      One step at a time, Clare.

      “This happened a long time ago, at my first job out of nursing school. Before I started working at the hospital I worked very briefly at an OB-GYN practice. It was my first real job besides working on my parents’ farm and I was incredibly naive. One of the doctors sort of took me under his wing. Then into his bed.”

      Parker looked pained, but stayed quiet.

      “He was older, and way more sophisticated. I felt so honored that he picked me. For a month he was my entire world. We had to keep it a secret, of course. For my sake, he said. So it wouldn’t look like favoritism. I thought we were falling in love, then his pregnant wife showed up at the office.”

      Parker mumbled a curse. “I take it you didn’t know he was married?”

      She shook her head. “He never talked about her, or even had a picture in his office. I didn’t have a clue. Needless to say I ended it the second she was gone. I never would have gone near him if I knew. He came on strong and was so persistent.”

      “And I did the same damn thing, didn’t I?” His laugh was a wry one. “All the time I thought I was being charming, you thought I was a total creep.”

      She cracked a smile. “Well, not a total creep.”

      “I’m really sorry, Clare.”

      “There’s no way you could have known. Besides, I’m not the person now that I was back then. I’d been so sheltered up to that point. My family is really big and very traditional. My parents wouldn’t even talk about letting me date until I was seventeen, and by then I was cramming to get on the honor list so I could get a scholarship and get the hell out of there. Nursing school was brutal, so I spent most of my time studying. I didn’t have much experience with boys, and I had virtually no experience with men. It never even occurred to me that a married man would initiate an intimate relationship. Where I was from men didn’t do that sort of thing. Or if they did, no one talked about it.”

      “So what happened? Did the pregnant wife find out?”

      “She found an old text that he’d saved. A very personal and explicit text.”

      “You were sexting.”

      She nodded. “She was not happy about it. It was a huge СКАЧАТЬ