The Ex Factor. Eva Woods

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      To Diana Beaumont, who makes me a better writer

      Table of Contents

       Cover

       About the Author

       Title Page

       Dedication

Prologue

Chapter 1: Interrupted Routines

Chapter 2: Pickled Eggs and Popcorn

Chapter 3: The Internet Wizard

Chapter 4: The Accidental Proposal

Chapter 5: A Decaf No-Syrup Low-Fat Soy Latte

Chapter 6: The Ex Factor

Chapter 7: How Everyone Met Everyone

       Chapter 8: Four Dates and a Social Funeral

       Chapter 9: The Madwoman in the Attic

       Chapter 10: Broccoli in the Bathtub

       Chapter 11: Drowning in a Vat of Rescue Remedy

       Chapter 12: War and Piss

       Chapter 13: Bumhead and Eggface

       Chapter 14: Undercover Cheerleader

       Chapter 15: The Dirtiest Martini

       Chapter 16: Triple Word Scores

       Chapter 17: The Love Algorithm

       Chapter 18: The Leather Ceiling

       Chapter 19: Bling the Merciless

       Chapter 20: My Miniature Heart

       Chapter 21: Jurassic Garden Centre

       Chapter 22: Suggestive Topiary

       Chapter 23: The Awkward Makeover

       Chapter 24: The Final Showdown

       Chapter 25: The Incident

       Chapter 26: The Dating Dessert Buffet

       Chapter 27: How Voldemort met Chewbacca

       Chapter 28: Bean Counting

       Epilogue

       Copyright

Prologue

       Marnie

       ‘Will all passengers please fasten their seat belts; the captain has now started our descent…’

      She ignored the announcement for as long as possible. After all, when you were running away—when you had nowhere else to go—there was no hurry to arrive. Only when the air hostess came to tell her off did she grudgingly belt up, and take out her headphones and open her window blind. From above, London was grey. Like something shrivelled, shivering in the January air. She wasn’t sure why she was coming back. Not home—she didn’t know exactly where home was right now.

      The plane banked lower through freezing winter fog. Around her people began to gather their possessions, crumple up their rubbish, stretch their legs and arms. Looking forward to a new city. Buckingham Palace. The Tower of London. Madame Tussauds.

      Not her. She was terrified. But if her mother had taught her anything, it was this: always get your game face on. And so she put on her huge sunglasses, despite the gloom, and brushed in-flight food from her carefully put-together outfit, reapplied red lipstick. Was the cape-coat too much? The dress too bright? No time to change now. She took out her phone and composed a tweet. Hitting the tarmac! Can’t wait to see you all, London! xx.

      She had a moment to think of what she’d left, and feel the tears push at her eyes for the tenth time that journey. Game face. She pasted on a smile. The tannoy dinged, and the grey ground came into sight. She was back.

Chapter 1 Interrupted Routines

       Helen

      How many texts do you get in an average day? How many emails, Facebook alerts, tweets? Most get instantly forgotten—your friend obsessing about their weight or if their boss spotted them on Facebook (ironically), that marketing newsletter you keep meaning to unsubscribe from, a celebrity’s breakfast on Instagram. But sometimes you get a message that’s more than this.

      This message might not say anything special. At first you might even ignore it, roll over and go back to sleep, slip your phone into your bag, forget about it. But although you won’t know it at the time, the message is the start СКАЧАТЬ