Billionaire Boy. David Walliams

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      “HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”

      The other kids fell around laughing, pointing at Bob, as he bent over and panted for breath.

      Turning around, Joe felt a sudden twinge of guilt. As the school kids dispersed, he went over to Bob and helped him stand up straight.

      “Thanks,” said Joe.

      “You’re welcome,” said Bob. “To be honest I should have done that anyway. If you came last on your very first day, you’d never hear the end of it. But next year you’re on your own. I don’t care if you give me a million pounds – I ain’t coming last again!”

      Joe thought about his two-million-pound birthday cheque. “What about two million pounds?” he joked.

      “Deal!” said Bob, laughing. “Imagine if you really did have that much money. It would be crazy! I guess you could have everything you ever wanted!”

      Joe forced a smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Maybe...”

       Chapter 4 “Loo Rolls?”

      “So, did you forget your kit on purpose?” asked Joe.

      Mr Bruise had locked up the changing rooms by the time Joe and Bob had finished their cross-country run… well, cross-country walk. They stood outside the grey concrete building, Bob shivering in his pants. They’d already been to find the school secretary, but there was absolutely no one left in the whole place. Well, apart from the caretaker. Who didn’t seem to speak English. Or any other language for that matter.

      “No,” replied Bob, a little hurt at the suggestion. “I may not be the fastest runner, but I’m not that much of a coward.”

      They trudged through the school grounds, Joe in his singlet and shorts, and Bob in his vest and pants. They looked like two rejects from a boy band audition.

      “So who took it?” said Joe.

      “I dunno. It might be the Grubbs. They’re the school bullies.”

      “The Grubbs?”

      “Yeah. They’re twins.”

      “Oh,” said Joe. “I haven’t met them yet.”

      “You will,” replied Bob, dolefully. “You know, I feel really bad about taking your birthday money off you…”

      “You don’t have to,” said Joe. “It’s fine.”

      “But fifty pounds is a lot of money,” Bob protested.

      Fifty pounds was not a lot of money to the Spuds. Here are a few things Joe and his dad would do with fifty-pound notes: