Pick Your Poison. Lauren Child

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СКАЧАТЬ days, it’s not even October,’ said Mrs Lemon. ‘Well, Ruby, if you are too busy then I won’t press you and I must applaud your get-involved spirit.’

      ‘I appreciate that Elaine, I really do,’ said Ruby. Then she hung up and once again went back to her comic. By the time the fourth phone call came in Ruby was a little strung out.

      ‘What!’ she yelled into the receiver.

      ‘You OK Ruby? You sound a little tense.’

      ‘Oh, it’s you Clance, sorry about that,’ said Ruby, relieved to hear the voice of her closest friend and most loyal ally, Clancy Crew, coming back down the line.

      ‘Yeah, well I’ve had a kinda tense few hours,’ she explained, ‘not what I had planned.’

      ‘Yeah, I ran into Del, she told me what happened. She was concerned that you might be mad at her,’ said Clancy.

      ‘Well, I’m not,’ said Ruby.

      ‘I told her you wouldn’t be,’ said Clancy.

      No one knew Ruby like Clancy did, not even Mrs Digby, and she knew Ruby back to front and inside out.

      ‘So are you worried that Mrs Digby will tell your mom and dad?’

      ‘What makes you think Mrs Digby knows?’

      ‘You think she doesn’t?’

      ‘She knows,’ sighed Ruby. ‘She always knows. Mr Chester rang her, but she has no interest in getting my folks involved. You can imagine how they would react, right?’

      Clancy sucked air through his teeth; he knew all right.

      ‘So what have you been doing?’ asked Ruby.

      He let out a weary sigh. ‘I’ve been trying to make this petition to oppose Mrs Bexenheath’s suggestion that the school lockers be moved from the main corridor to somewhere totally inconvenient.’

      ‘Yeah, well that’s Mrs Bexenheath all over. Just so long as things are nice and tidy for her then she’s not interested in whether it works for any of us,’ said Ruby.

      ‘She doesn’t get it. The lockers are more than a place to keep your tennis shoes,’ said Clancy, ‘they are integral to social interaction.’

      ‘You’re preaching to the choir Clance, it’s Principal Levine you gotta persuade.’

      ‘I know,’ said Clancy, ‘but I have no idea how.’

      ‘You’ll think of something,’ said Ruby. ‘I have total faith.’

      Pause.

      ‘So you watching The Ex Detective?’ asked Clancy.

      ‘I totally forgot it was on this afternoon. What’s the deal?’ asked Ruby.

      ‘Larry’s got his mom in town, but she’s just been kidnapped.’

      ‘I didn’t know that Larry had a mom.’

      ‘No one did,’ said Clancy, ‘but now she’s been kidnapped Larry realises how much he’s been missing her and wishes he hadn’t let the grass grow under their relationship.’

      ‘It’s always the way,’ sighed Ruby.

      ‘Yeah,’ agreed Clancy, ‘you just don’t know what you got until it’s gone.’

      ‘Talking of gone, when exactly are you flying to Washington?’ asked Ruby.

      ‘In about three weeks,’ said Clancy. ‘My dad’s planning on bringing along the whole pack of us.’

      ‘So what’s the point of this trip – pleasure or pain?’

      Clancy sighed. ‘He won’t tell us, but he said this time we’ll enjoy it. Unlikely, I think. I’ll bet he just wants us to be there looking like a super-happy family. It’s good for politics.’ Clancy’s father was Ambassador Crew and he liked his family to fall in behind him in a nice straight line and generally make him look good. The Crew children struggled with this, partly because they weren’t suited to a life of smiling and waving but mainly because Ambassador Crew was much more focused on himself than he was on them.

      ‘Jeepers Clance, just how much smiling time has he got you down for?’

      ‘Forty-eight hours at least,’ said Clancy. ‘I don’t think my jaw will stand it.’

      ‘You’re pretty resilient, Clance,’ she yawned, ‘you’ll think of something to smile about.’

      ‘I doubt it,’ said Clancy. ‘Anyway, have you spoken to Hitch since the whole, you know, thing?’ he asked.

      Ruby glanced around her as if somewhere in this Twinford teenager’s bedroom something lurked and listened. She was right to be concerned – it wasn’t prudent to talk on an unsecured line. She had learned this the hard way a few months back. Spectrum was not some sort of employment agency, it was a spy agency, and as anyone knew, spy agencies should not be blabbed about. In fact, blab and you could pack up your spy kit and head on home. It was Spectrum RULE 1: KEEP IT ZIPPED. Talking to your best pal Clancy Crew about Spectrum would also bring about a termination of your contract, but then Spectrum weren’t going to know about that since when it came to secrets, Clancy Crew was a vault and though Hitch knew that Clancy knew, he was also a vault.

      So you could be pretty certain this secret was well and truly secret.

      ‘No,’ said Ruby, ‘Hitch hasn’t been around here. He told my folks he’s in the Bahamas with his mother.’

      ‘I didn’t know he had a mother.’

      ‘I’m not sure he does.’

      ‘You think he just made her up?’

      ‘When it comes to Hitch, I think it’s hard to know what’s true. You think you know him but, look at it this way, what do I really have as hard evidence? Do I know anything?’

      ‘You know he likes coffee,’ suggested Clancy.

      ‘What I know Clance,’ corrected Ruby, ‘is that Hitch drinks coffee and a lot of it, but does he drink it because he likes the taste of it or because he needs to keep from falling asleep? Well, it’s anybody’s guess.’

      ‘So you wanna meet?’ asked Clancy.

      Ruby paused, for a moment torn between the pleasure of chatting to her friend and the pleasure that was reading Kung Fu Martians. She sighed. ‘Sure, why not, my day is ruined anyway.’

      ‘Oh, thanks a bunch, buster.’

      ‘I didn’t mean it like it sounded,’ said Ruby. ‘Just meant I was planning on a little downtime, but I guess your company might restore my mood.’

      ‘I’m beginning to think yours might have the entirely opposite effect,’ said Clancy.

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