Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Джон Грэй
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Название: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Автор: Джон Грэй
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Личностный рост
isbn: 9780007478361
isbn:
A man is particularly vulnerable to this incorrect belief. It generates within him the fear of failing. He wants to give but is afraid he will fail, so he doesn’t try. If his biggest fear is inadequacy, he naturally is going to avoid any unnecessary risks.
Ironically, when a man really cares a lot his fear of failure increases, and he gives less. To avoid failure he stops giving to the people he wants to give to the most.
When a man is insecure he may compensate by not caring about anybody except himself. His most automatic defensive response is to say “I don’t care.” For this reason, the Martians did not let themselves feel or care too much for others. By becoming successful and powerful they finally realized that they were good enough and that they could succeed in giving. They then discovered the Venusians.
Although they had always been good enough, the process of proving their power prepared them for the wisdom of selfesteem. Through becoming successful and then looking back, they realized that their every failure was necessary to achieve their later successes. Every mistake had taught them a very important lesson necessary to achieve their goals. Thus they realized they had always been good enough.
It Is OK to Make Mistakes
The first step for a man in learning how to give more is to realize that it is OK to make mistakes and it is OK to fail and that he doesn’t have to have all the answers.
I remember the story of a woman who complained that her partner would never make a commitment to marriage. To her it seemed that he did not care as much as she did. One day, however, she happened to say that she was so happy being with him. Even if they were poor, she would want to be with him. The next day he proposed. He needed the acceptance and encouragement that he was good enough for her, and then he could feel how much he cared.
Martians Need Love Too
Just as women are sensitive to feeling rejected when they don’t get the attention they need, men are sensitive to feeling that they have failed when a woman talks about problems. This is why it is so hard for him to listen sometimes. He wants to be her hero. When she is disappointed or unhappy over anything, he feels like a failure. Her unhappiness confirms his deepest fear: he is just not good enough. Many women today don’t realize how vulnerable men are and how much they need love too. Love helps him to know that he is enough to fulfill others.
It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
A young boy who is fortunate enough to see his father succeed in fulfilling his mother enters relationships as an adult with a rare confidence that he can succeed in fulfilling his partner. He is not terrified of commitment because he knows he can deliver. He also knows that when he doesn’t deliver he is still adequate and still deserves love and appreciation for doing his best. He does not condemn himself because he knows he is not perfect and that he is always doing his best and his best is good enough. He is able to apologize for his mistakes because he expects forgiveness, love, and appreciation for doing his best.
He knows that everyone makes mistakes. He saw his father make mistakes and continue to love himself. He witnessed his mother loving and forgiving his father through all his mistakes. He felt her trust and encouragement, even though at times his father had disappointed her.
Many men did not have successful role models while they were growing up. For them staying in love, getting married, and having a family is as difficult as flying a jumbo jet without any training. He may be able to take off, but he is sure to crash. It is difficult to continue flying once you have crashed the plane a few times. Or if you witnessed your father crash. Without a good training manual for relationships, it is easy to understand why many men and women give up on relationships.
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