His Soldier Under Siege. Regan Black

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ urge to pull him into another hug, to celebrate and let herself ride a wave of happiness for him and his brother, nearly overwhelmed her. She clutched her stethoscope with both hands until the feeling passed. Remorse and culpability were strange emotional burdens.

      “That’s fantastic.” How long had they been working on the patient they’d lost? “Everyone in the unit will be so happy. Have you seen him yet?”

      He nodded. “For maybe all of a minute in recovery.”

      “That’s good. I know it doesn’t seem like much.” She wanted to reach up and soothe as the lingering distress rippled across his shoulders. “Have you eaten lately?”

      “I’m fine.” He shifted his feet. “Just not a big fan of hospitals.”

      “Who is?” she asked brightly. “We’re used to that completely natural bias around here.” She was fully aware he wasn’t a big fan of the army, either. To be in a place that combined both must be excruciating. As family went, Kevin and Derek only had each other. For a fleeting moment, she wanted to confess that it should’ve been her in that helicopter. But what good would it do to give him more what-ifs to think about right now?

      “Do you know Kevin’s room number?” she asked.

      “Not yet...” His voice trailed off as his gaze drifted over her face. “Are you okay?”

      “Absolutely,” she lied. “Would you like me to look up the room number or show you around the floor?”

      “Lieutenant Colonel Bingham just gave me the full tour. I know they have Kevin assigned to that wing.” Derek tilted his head toward the opposite end of the hallway.

      She glanced in that direction. “He’ll have an excellent team.”

      “Not you?”

      Was that disappointment in his voice or only her wishful thinking? “Not me.” Medical crises could instigate all sorts of reactions, but she didn’t want this situation to alter the foundation of their friendship. At the core of it, they were good together because they didn’t have any expectations or pressures from external sources. “Don’t worry, everyone from the unit will make time to pop in and pester him until he’s on his feet again.”

      One corner of Derek’s mouth curled into a hint of the smile she missed more and more between each of their meetups. “Kevin will appreciate that.”

      “Probably not for long,” she teased. “I’ll check in on you both in a bit, okay?” She had to get back to her patients. Even with the lingering guilt, she’d have an easier time maintaining her positive, calm professionalism after these few minutes with Derek.

      “Grace, one more second.” Derek smoothed the fabric of the suit coat draped over his forearm. “Can I buy you a coffee? After your shift, of course.”

      An answer evaded her. Was the invitation an attempt to move their covert, casual relationship into something more public? Coffee was an activity friends or colleagues shared when they didn’t care who might see them together. A lonely butterfly flew a tight spiral in her belly before she grounded it. She was reading too much into it. Her arrangement with Derek was private. Sharing a conversation over coffee wouldn’t expose their secrets, even if someone from the unit happened to see them.

      “We’ll see,” she hedged, needing time to sort out if her hesitation stemmed from guilt or something less easily defined. “I’ll stop by once Kevin’s settled in his room. We can decide then.” He might be too tired or too worried to leave his brother’s side.

      A pucker appeared between his golden-brown eyebrows as he studied her. “Okay.”

      She hurried away, the soles of her shoes squeaking rapidly in her wake. Her mind flickered back to Derek as she moved between patients and responsibilities. Did she want to have coffee with Derek? Oh, yeah. Especially if coffee was a euphemism for something far more physical, distracting and life affirming.

      She had to get a grip. Biologically, she was well aware that sex was one of the most common coping mechanisms after a loss or in a crisis. And though hooking up with Derek had proved mutually beneficial, she didn’t feel fair connecting with him physically just to take her mind off her ever-expanding abyss of guilt over what happened to Kevin.

      Of course, fairness wasn’t something life tossed out very often. Both she and Derek knew that firsthand. A cajoling, suggestive voice in her head reminded her that this affair had been his idea. And hadn’t she happily continued their casual hookups every three or four months for the better part of the past two years?

      She’d felt more than a passing interest spark when she’d been introduced to him at a gathering for families prior to Kevin’s first deployment with the unit. Those sparks had fired a bit stronger at the homecoming picnic that wrapped up that particular tour.

      Her lips tingled, as they did every time she recalled their first kiss. A rushed moment, stolen in the shadows as the sun set on a full and happy day, it had been a kiss full of tantalizing promises. Promises they’d kept to each other through various camping trips and outdoor excursions no one else knew about.

      His friendship was priceless. He was so different from the men and women who made up the rest of her world. Though they didn’t see each other on a regular basis, he’d become her haven in a world that could turn from beauty to frightful on a whim. On rough days, her stolen time with Derek buoyed her spirits and gave her something positive to look forward to.

      She didn’t want to lose that or hurt him with might-have-beens. She had to tell him it should’ve been her on that helicopter, even if it meant the end of their friendship.

      Derek craved a breath of fresh air. The odor of hospital and antiseptic was embedded in his clothes. He could feel it seeping into his skin. And he was doing what he always did in hospitals—overreacting. He closed his eyes and focused on that sweet feeling of Grace Ann’s hug. The one she’d given him in public, at her workplace. Marveling over the gesture calmed him enough to take another deep breath. To stay put. He hoped that hug would be enough to carry him through the challenging moments to come.

      By the time they had his brother settled in the hospital room, Derek found his second wind, or maybe it was the third or fourth. He’d lost count of how many times he’d fought back from the undertow of exhaustion and panic since the unit had notified him about the crash.

      Unfortunately, he was pretty sure one more adrenaline spike was the last thing he needed. Steady as he’d been through all the waiting, the familiar mixture of worry for his brother and aggravation with essentially feeling helpless was creeping in. It put an edgy buzz in his ears, under his skin, that he couldn’t shake off.

      From the moment Kevin had announced his intent to join the army, a piece of Derek had been waiting, braced for “the call.” The call that would make him the last Sayer on his family tree.

      He dropped into the bedside chair. He should be used to this weight on his shoulders, having become Kevin’s emergency contact at the age of eighteen when their parents had been killed in a car crash. Grief and the sudden onset of responsibility had changed everything about him. He’d willingly stepped into the breach—would do so again now—but the carefree teenager he’d been occasionally wanted to act out at the unfairness of it all.

      Anger СКАЧАТЬ