Masquerade. Anne Mather

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СКАЧАТЬ see.” Samantha finished the brandy and stood the glass down. She looked thoughtfully at Benito. He looked solemn and very angry. She could tell this from the way his eyes flashed when he looked at her.

      Samantha bent her head for a moment, twisting her fingers together, and then said:

      “It is nearly lunch time. Will you stay to lunch?”

      “That is very kind, signorina,” said Giovanni, smiling. “We would be most grateful.”

      “And after lunch, I will give you your answer,” said Samantha firmly.

      Matilde was in the kitchen when Samantha went in search of her, leaving Benito to entertain her guests. She perched on the board at which Matilde was working and slowly began to explain all that had happened. Matilde did not interrupt. She was a very comforting presence and Samantha knew she would miss her terribly if she did decide to go away.

      As they washed and prepared a salad, Matilde looked questioningly at the girl.

      “And you will go to England?” It was a statement more than a question, and Samantha looked surprised.

      “Do you think I should?”

      Matilde shrugged. “I do not know, Samantha. I only know that if you do not you will spend the rest of your life wondering whether you should. What is there for you here? Marriage with young Benito. Five years marriage and who knows? You may find your life is not as full as you had thought. There would be no escape. Our faith does not recognize divorce. Once married you stay married for many long years. Be sure before you commit yourself to such a sentence.”

      “Oh, Matilde. You make it sound so dreary.”

      “And isn’t it? When you are young, and have the world before you, is not anything humdrum dreary? Will you really be contented with half a dozen bambini to look after? Benito is a good man. You could do no better in this village. But Benito is Italian. You are not. Never forget that. Whatever you have done in the past. However much you speak the language and become one of us, you are still English. I am sorry to sound disparaging, Samantha, but I think you know I am right. Your mind is not really undecided. Only your heart is fickle. You want the best of both worlds. You would like to be married, for a time, but this is not what marriage is for. Marriage is giving yourself into another’s keeping for ever. For as long as you live. Always remember this. No matter where you go, or who you marry.”

      Samantha looked pensively at the older woman. “As usual, Matilde, you are right. But what about you? What will you do?”

      Matilde smiled. “I am getting old. Too old to mind giving up my work. My sister is a widow. She lives alone in Ravenna. She will be glad of my company. She is not a poor woman, we will not starve. Do not worry about me, Samantha. Worry for yourself. Go and get what you want and hold on to it. Never be content with ‘second-best’. Just tell yourself, you are as good as anyone else, and you cannot go far wrong.”

      Samantha smiled. “All right, I’ll tell the Cionis. And thank you for your understanding. I’m going to miss you.”

      “If you come back, come to my sister’s in Ravenna. We will make something out. Don’t worry. Be strong, and honest, and you will survive. In life, strength of mind and purpose, solve most things. Don’t be a child. You are a young woman. Act like one and be independent.”

      Benito was sitting moodily on the verandah, when Samantha went to tell him that lunch was ready. He looked up dejectedly at her approach and she felt guilty that she should be the cause of his depression.

      “You’re going, aren’t you?” he said accusingly.

      Samantha shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve got to, Benito.”

      “I don’t understand you, Samantha. I always thought I did. I was wrong.”

      Samantha spread her hands helplessly. “Would you want me to marry you and spend the rest of my life wondering whether I had done the right thing?”

      “Of course not, but before this letter came there was no doubt.”

      “There was no alternative either,” she reminded him, awkwardly. “Please, Benito, try to understand. I’ve never left this country since I was four years old.”

      “I have lived here all my life.”

      “But you’re Italian.”

      “So will you be, when you become my wife.”

      “In name only. Benito, I’m English.”

      “I’ve never known it bother you before.”

      “Oh, Benito, try … try to understand. I do think a lot of you, but if I go away I will be able to see things in perspective. If I love you, I will come back. You know that. If you love me you must know that love does not die simply because the two people concerned are separated.”

      Benito frowned. He knew she was right and yet he was also afraid of what the separation might do. He was not as sure of her as he was of himself. He could see that she genuinely did not want to hurt him, and yet if she did go, would he ever see her again?

      “If you are determined, there is nothing I can do to stop you,” he said coolly.

      “There is,” she said desperately. “You could give me an ultimatum. I don’t think I would dare to refuse you then.”

      Benito sighed and shook his head. “No, of course you are right. I could not force you into such a position. You are a free woman, Samantha. But please come back to me.”

      Samantha flushed. “Oh, Benito, when you look at me like that, I wish I had never even seen the letter.”

      Benito pulled her to him. “So do I,” he groaned, as he pressed his lips to her hair.

      “And now,” he said, at last, “you must tell the Cionis of your decision.”

      “Yes,” Samantha nodded. “And soon I’ll know the secret of why my mother acted as she did. I only hope she is not as horrid as she sounds.”

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