The Man I Fell In Love With. Field Kate

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СКАЧАТЬ seemed heartless to prick her bubble by pointing out that technically Leo wasn’t with her anymore – or not as he had always been, living next door.

      ‘Why’s Ethan coming back?’ I asked. ‘Has he exhausted all the women in America now?’

      ‘Mary!’ Audrey’s glance of mock severity was probably deserved. Sometimes I was prone to forget that she was my mother-in-law, and not a friend. ‘Ethan isn’t like that. Deep down, he has the most wonderful, loyal soul.’ She dragged me up the steps and into the library. ‘Whatever gave you the idea that he played around?’

      ‘Leo used to tell me about Ethan’s girlfriends. It was a different name every time they spoke. Sometimes I wondered if Leo was actually jealous of Ethan’s single life …’ Audrey patted my hand. ‘When is he coming?’

      ‘Probably July, and you must help me persuade him to stay until Christmas. Wasn’t it fun to have him here last year?’

      Christmas hadn’t been fun from where I was standing, but I suppose that wasn’t Ethan’s fault. I couldn’t see what use I would be in persuading him to stay, either, but luckily Audrey was distracted.

      ‘Isn’t this marvellous?’ she said, gazing around in obvious delight. ‘Is that the arts man off the television?’

      I took a mental backseat and let Audrey rattle on as we made our way to the room where the launch was being held. I’d only been involved in the discussions at an early stage, so was eager to see how everything had been arranged, and I wasn’t disappointed. Alice Hornby dominated the room, just as she should. The one authenticated painting of her, a full-length image of her sitting at a desk, writing, had been blown up onto a canvas that filled one wall. Extracts from her novels and letters, in her own painstakingly neat handwriting, hung on vertical banners on each side of the room, and Leo’s book was displayed on a table in the centre. Behind the table, Leo and Clark stood side by side, arm brushing arm, chatting to a journalist I recognised from The Times.

      I helped myself to a glass and winced as the dry champagne settled on my tongue. It would have been Prosecco in my day: Leo knew I preferred it. And as I downed half the glass, determined not to read any significance into the replacement, Clark caught my eye, smiled, and nudged Leo. Leo looked over at us, raised his hand in greeting, and carried on his conversation. That hand may as well have slapped me across the cheek.

      ‘Let’s mingle,’ Audrey said, tugging my arm again. If she carried on like this I would be covered in bruises by the end of the night: external ones, to match the internal ones. ‘Who do we think looks most approachable? What about the group by the window?’

      She kept this up for the next half hour, as we toured round the guests, singing the praises of Leo, Alice, and the book. Leo and Clark were circling the room in the opposite direction, but before our paths could cross, Claire from the publishing company tapped her glass for attention, and after a gushing introduction, Leo delivered his speech. He carried it off brilliantly, his lovely mellifluous voice caressing each of the words I had written for him. Everyone laughed, sighed, and nodded at the right moments, and I was about to lead the applause when Leo fiddled with his glasses, a sure sign of his discomfort.

      ‘I can’t let the moment pass by without acknowledging the contribution of one special person,’ he said. This wasn’t in the speech. Was he going to declare his devotion to Clark, in front of all these people? In front of me?

      Audrey and I were lurking at the back of the room. Even so, Leo found me through the crowd of smartly dressed people. He smiled, and I knew that I shouldn’t have doubted him.

      ‘There is nothing in life so satisfying as a shared passion,’ he said. Audrey took hold of my hand, clearly having less faith in Leo than I had. ‘This book would not be the success it is without the encouragement of my wonderful helpmeet, Mary Black. Mary, this book is dedicated to you, with eternal thanks.’

      The second that followed seemed to stretch for hours, as no one knew quite how to react. Audrey saved the moment.

      ‘How marvellous!’ she cried, and raised her champagne glass. ‘To Mary Black!’

      As the applause died down, Leo made his way towards us and Audrey melted away into the crowd.

      ‘You changed the speech,’ I said.

      ‘I only added the words that you were too modest to write.’

      Too discreet, not modest: we never publicly acknowledged how large a contribution I made to Leo’s work. ‘Encouragement’ wasn’t the word I would have chosen.

      ‘Tonight seems to have gone well,’ I said. ‘Everyone I spoke to loves the book. There should be some glowing reviews at the weekend.’

      ‘I’m told there will be half a page in The Times. We’ll convert the nation to Alice lovers yet!’

      ‘And hopefully make some money in the process,’ I added, wishing that I didn’t always have to be the practical one, keeping a firm grip on the strings of his balloon, stopping him getting carried away with academic enthusiasm. It was the job I had done for years, never questioning our roles. I wondered what it would be like to have someone anchoring my strings, letting me fly high.

      ‘Mum’s enjoying herself, isn’t she?’

      ‘You know she loves seeing your success. And she’s thrilled about Ethan coming back.’

      ‘How do you know about that?’ Leo’s voice was unexpectedly sharp. ‘Has he contacted you?’

      ‘No, why would he? Audrey told me earlier. She’s hoping he’ll stay until Christmas.’

      ‘Christmas? No, he won’t last so long. He was made to be the single man about New York. You should come round for dinner,’ he said, unexpectedly changing the subject. ‘Clark is an excellent cook.’

      ‘Tonight? I had a snack earlier with the children.’

      ‘No, not tonight. Come round properly, for a dinner party. Clark,’ Leo said. I hadn’t noticed Clark creep up, and forced myself to smile. ‘Tell Mary that we’d love to have her over for a dinner party.’

      ‘Of course we would.’ Clark’s smile was undoubtedly genuine. It was infuriatingly impossible to dislike him. ‘Nothing formal. Supper with a few friends. Why don’t you two fix a date and I’ll see who else is free?’

      ‘Marvellous,’ I said, hiding my true feelings behind Audrey’s favourite word again. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

      It wasn’t entirely a lie. I was curious to see Leo’s new home. The children had stayed over, but there was only so much information I could pump out of them. And I supposed I should be grateful now for any opportunity for a night out. An invitation from my ex-husband and his gay lover might be the best offer I had all year. It hit me, as the smartly dressed people swirled around me, the exotic cocktail of perfumes wafted past my nose, and excited chatter swept by my ears, that this might be my farewell performance on this stage. I had always been invited to these events as Leo’s wife. Where did that leave me now?

      As I glanced around the room, searching for Audrey, my eyes were drawn to all the things I had ignored before: the reassuring touch on the small of a back; the secret smile exchanged across the expanse of the room; the speculative wink received with an encouraging blush. My radar was on high alert: I sensed relationships СКАЧАТЬ