Starting Over. PENNY JORDAN

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СКАЧАТЬ final home on earth.

      He allowed Honor to walk with him to the small self-contained apartment they had prepared for him. Its rooms had a stark almost cell-like bareness that he knew was deliberate. David’s decision or Honor’s? It didn’t really matter. He felt comfortable here. At home … and was appreciative of whichever of them it was that had had the sensitivity to know that this would be what he wanted.

      The books on the simple bookshelves were David’s choice—he knew that—and would have known it even if Honor had not whispered to him that David had spent days combing antiquarian booksellers lists for them.

      They were books they had talked of in Jamaica. He reached for one, smoothing the aged leather cover, opening it and breathing in the familiar smell of its pages. There had been books like this at the Jesuit college where he had been educated. How long ago that seemed now.

      ‘Do you think Father Ignatius is all right?’ David asked Honor an hour later. They were in bed lovingly curled up together like two spoons. Whilst he waited for her response David started to nibble tenderly at the exposed curve of Honor’s neck. There was something uniquely adorable and almost absurdly youthful about the back of her neck. Closing his eyes he breathed in the unmatchable Honor scent of her. He was lucky, so undeservably blessed.

      ‘He’s tired after his journey, that’s all,’ Honor reassured him. ‘He certainly enjoyed Freddy’s company.’

      ‘Okay, I concede, you were right about them getting on well together,’ David laughed.

      ‘Olivia and Caspar were due back today, weren’t they?’ Honor said quietly.

      ‘Yes,’ David agreed. There was no laughter in his voice now.

      Immediately Honor turned round to look at him.

      ‘Give her time, David,’ she counselled him. ‘I know how much you want to show her what she means to you, but—’

      ‘She hates me, Honor,’ David interrupted her sadly. ‘I can feel it….’

      ‘No, it isn’t you she hates,’ Honor told him wisely. ‘It’s herself. Poor Olivia …’

      ‘It’s my fault that she is suffering so much,’ David told her.

      ‘In part, yes,’ Honor agreed steadily.

      ‘I was a bad father,’ he said heavily.

      ‘Yes,’ Honor acknowledged. ‘You were a bad father, David,’ she told him truthfully.

      ‘I just want to make it up to her but she won’t let me get near her….’

      ‘Give her time,’ Honor repeated.

      She could hear the pain and frustration in his voice and see it in his eyes.

      ‘Somehow it’s easier with Jack,’ David continued. ‘He’s—’

      ‘… male?’ Honor supplied.

      ‘No,’ David denied immediately.

      Honor shook her head and told him truthfully, ‘That’s what Olivia’s going to think, David. The blame doesn’t all lie with you, though. Your father …’ She stopped.

      ‘Olivia is my daughter. I should have protected her from my father’s prejudices.’ David closed his eyes. ‘I shouldn’t burden you with all this.’

      ‘Of course you should,’ Honor told him immediately. ‘That’s part of what loving someone is all about … sharing … the bad as well as the good.’

      Smiling she reached out and cupped his face and then very gently and slowly started to kiss him.

      ‘Mmm … more,’ David coaxed hopefully as he gathered her into his arms and started to kiss her back.

      Jenny frowned over her shopping list. It seemed pathetically brief, but now, after all, she was only shopping for two. Joss had flown out to America to visit Jon’s aunt Ruth who was living there with her American husband, his last chance to do so before he started focussing on his school exams.

      Joss and Ruth had always been particularly close and Jenny smiled as she thought about her aunt-in-law and her youngest son. Both of them were blessed with a special temperament, a serenity and wisdom that had a gentling effect on everyone they came in contact with.

      The telephone started to ring and she went to answer it.

      ‘Jen, it’s me,’ she heard Jon saying. ‘Look, don’t wait for me for dinner tonight. David’s asked me to go up to Fitzburgh Place to see Lord Freddy. He’s got some business he wants to discuss with me.’

      ‘Is David going to be there as well?’ Jenny couldn’t stop herself from asking tersely.

      ‘David?’ She could hear the confusion in Jon’s voice. ‘I don’t know. He could be. Why?’

      ‘Nothing,’ Jenny fibbed. She could imagine how Jon was likely to react if she gave in to the childish desire to complain that just lately he seemed to be spending more time with his brother than he was with her. He had gone out earlier to play golf and she had been expecting him to return within the hour.

      On her way back from her shopping she would call and see Olivia, she decided, to see if there was anything she could do to help.

      ‘Mumee … Mumee … Wake up. I’m hungry.’

      Olivia opened her eyes as she heard Alex’s voice, her heart pounding as she saw the time. Ten o’clock. She was always up at six. She could feel the now familiar ice-cold nausea rising up inside her as fear flooded her veins. Her skin felt clammy but icy cold.

      More than anything else she wanted to stay where she was, here in bed, to pull the duvet over her head and shut out the world and her problems but she couldn’t. She had responsibilities … duties … two children … a job…. Mentally she started to list the day’s tasks. There was the washing, the girls’ school uniforms for tomorrow, her own case notes to read … food to buy … meals to cook … the house needed cleaning. Her heart was thudding even more frantically now as anxiety-induced adrenaline shot through her veins.

      ‘Mummee …’ Alex persisted. ‘I’m hungry … I’m starving.’

      Olivia could feel the scream building up inside her but she knew she must not give voice to it. It wasn’t Alex’s fault she was feeling like this. She had no right to be feeling like this. She was a woman … a mother … a wife … No, not a wife any more … not now …

      Caspar … Suddenly her whole body started to tremble.

      ‘Mummy,’ Alex had started to cry and Olivia could see the fear in her eyes. More than anything else children needed security and love. No one knew that better than Olivia herself.

      ‘It’s all right darling,’ she reassured her. ‘I’m going to get up now. You go downstairs and wait for me.’

      Caspar … Caspar … Why hadn’t he understood …? Why hadn’t he helped her …? Why hadn’t he loved her …? No one had ever loved СКАЧАТЬ