Wake to Darkness. Maggie Shayne

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ was restored by a cornea transplant this past August.” She swung her head my way. “Welcome to the show, Rachel. I’m so glad to have you.”

      “Thanks, Mindy. It’s great to be here.”

      “I want you to know that I have read this...” Mindy picked up a copy from the arm of her chair. “...this gem,” she said, “from cover to cover, and I loved it so much I got copies for every single member of today’s studio audience as an early Christmas present.”

      Applause, applause.

      “I can’t tell you how deeply this book touched me.”

      “Thanks, and thanks for saying that.”

      “While the title is Wish Yourself Rich, this book is about so much more. About creating our own experiences, and actually having the lives we dream of. A lot of spiritual leaders today are saying many of the same things that you say in these pages, but, Rachel, you are the only one who is living, breathing, undeniable proof that it’s true.”

      More applause.

      “Why don’t we start at the beginning? You went blind at the age of twelve.”

      I nodded. “It was a gradual process, but yes, eventually, I woke up one morning completely unable to see.”

      “What was the last thing you remember seeing?”

      Oh, good question. “It was my brother Tommy’s face.”

      She made a sympathetic sound. “This is the brother you lost earlier this year?”

      “Yes, just before I got my transplant. He was the victim of a serial killer.”

      She set the book on her lap and, frowning, put her hands over mine. “How do you manage to have something like that happen and not let it rock your faith? You are so positive, so certain that we create what we focus on. How did you come to terms with your brother’s murder?”

      It was not the first time I’d had this question. Thankfully, I was prepared for it. I wrote this crap for a living, after all. “Tommy’s journey was his own. I can’t know what his higher self intended for him, or why his life had to end the way it did. I only know that I have two choices. I can be at peace with knowing that he is at peace, trusting that everything happens for a reason and that I will know what those reasons are when my own time comes to cross to the other side, or I can wallow in misery and ask ‘why me’ and ‘why him’ and resent the universe for being so cruel. My brother is going to be just as dead, either way.”

      “That is so deep,” Mindy said, shaking her head slowly. “So deep.”

      “We get hung up when we think our happiness is dependent on circumstances outside ourselves. I’d be happy if only this would happen, we say, or if only that hadn’t happened. We have to let go of that and realize that happiness is a choice. When we can choose to be happy in spite of what’s going on outside us rather than because of it, when we can stop letting circumstances dictate how we feel, that is true empowerment.”

      “That’s amazing. ‘Happiness is a choice.’ That’s so good.”

      I smiled humbly. It really was one of my best nuggets of manure, that one. I rearranged this particular piece of...wisdom slightly after every interview, so it sounded fresh. Hell, I knew a thousand ways to say it by now. It was the core message of seven bestsellers.

      “So did you always know you would get your eyesight back one day?”

      “Not at all,” I said. “In fact, I’d pretty much given up on it. I’d had cornea transplants before, but I was one of those rare individuals who rejected them every time. And I rejected them violently. My doctor had to convince me that it was worth trying again with a new procedure.” That, at least, was true.

      “And it worked.” Mindy clapped her hands to emphasize the words. “What was the first thing you saw after the bandages came off?”

      “My sister’s face,” I said, again speaking the truth.

      “Oh, that’s beautiful,” Mindy said in an emotional falsetto, blinking rapidly.

      “So is she.”

      Applause, applause.

      Note to self, use that line again.

      “So if we create our own experiences according to where we put our focus, how do you think you attracted your blindness?”

      Because life sometimes sucks, and I drew the short straw. Because bad shit happens, and it doesn’t make any sense at all and it never will.

      I nodded sagely while I pulled the appropriate well-rehearsed reply from my archives. I had them for all the tough questions. “Until we know that our thoughts and focus create our lives,” I said, “we sort of create by default. Our higher selves guide us toward the life we’re supposed to lead, and we either go with the flow or fight tooth and nail. I believe this was simply a part of my journey in this lifetime. I think I had agreed to it before I ever incarnated.”

      “Really?” she said. “You really think all those years of blindness happened to you for a reason?”

      “Absolutely.” Because I had shitty luck.

      “And have you reached any conclusions about what that reason might have been?”

      “I think I’ve pieced together some of it, but not all. I don’t think I’ll know all of it until I’m on the other side, looking back, reviewing my life and the lessons it taught me. But I do know that being blind led me to my career of writing self-help (bullshit) books like the ones my family used to (push on me) get for me when I was going through hard times. It led me to dear friends I might not have made otherwise, people in my transplant support group, the best friend I ever had in my life, Mott Killian, who’s since passed over himself, and my dog, of course.”

      And Mason Brown. It led me to him. When he hit me with his car because I stormed into a crosswalk, blind as a bat and too mad to be careful. Helluva coincidence that he ended up donating his brother’s corneas to me later that same day. Helluva coincidence.

      A big smile split Mindy’s face, and she lifted the book again, opened the back cover and turned it toward the camera, which caught a close-up of Myrtle sitting in the passenger seat of my precious inspiration-yellow T-Bird with the top down, wearing her goggles and yellow scarf, and “smiling” at the camera as only a bulldog could do, bottom teeth sticking up over her upper lip.

      The audience laughed, then applauded again.

      “Myrtle is blind, too,” I said. “I might not have taken in a blind old dog if I hadn’t been through what I had.” Odd, that was sappy as hell, and yet it was the absolute truth. Just like the bit I’d been thinking about the way Mason and I met. I should really be using this stuff more. But it made me uncomfortable to point to true things in order to prove my false claims. Muddied the waters. I liked clear lines between real life and my fictional nonfiction.

      “That’s beautiful,” Mindy said. “That’s just beautiful. Thank you so much, Rachel. It’s been a pleasure having you. I hope you’ll come back.”

      “Thank you, Mindy. I’d love to.”

      She СКАЧАТЬ