The Cowboy's Christmas Baby. Carolyne Aarsen

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СКАЧАТЬ comment was meant in fun but shame flickered through Erin.

      “Don’t tell Finn.” Jodie gave Vic a wink and then shot Erin a meaningful glance.

      “She’s my daughter,” Erin said, the words echoing in the house. The same house that often held the condemning voice of their father, reminding the girls to behave. Be good.

      And I was. I was always good, Erin told herself, clenching her hands, fighting down the disgrace she’d struggled with ever since she saw that plus sign on the home pregnancy kit.

      Vic’s puzzled stare just underlined her own shame. Then the porch door closed again, echoing in the silence that followed and Dean came into the room.

      Don’t see the man for twelve years and then twice in one day. Just her luck.

      Dean’s shadowed gaze ticked from her to her sisters as he set a couple of grocery bags on the counter, then the baby Jodie still held, then finally back to Erin. He gave her a quick nod. “Hey, again,” he said, taking off his hat and dropping it beside the bags. “Didn’t think you’d beat us here.”

      “I changed my mind about going to the Grill and Chill,” she said.

      His smile tightened and she wondered if he had hoped to arrive and leave before she came.

      “So. You have a baby,” Vic said, stating the obvious.

      Erin took her from her sister, cradling her close. “I do. She’s six weeks old and her name is Caitlin.”

      She didn’t have to look at her sisters to read the questions that hovered ever since she’d thrust her daughter into their arms. She had been in and out of touch for the past half year and hadn’t even come to their father’s funeral. She had been on bed rest and couldn’t travel.

      But every time she picked up her phone to tell Jodie and Lauren, every time she wrote up a text to explain why, she’d gone with inane details instead. The truth would take hours and pages.

      Plus she just couldn’t deal with the inevitable questions about the circumstances and the baby’s father.

      “Do you guys want some coffee?” Jodie asked, her voice artificially bright.

      “I’m good.”

      “Sure. That’d be nice.”

      Dean and Vic spoke at the same time then looked at each other. “We can stay for a while,” Vic said, tilting his brother a questioning look.

      Dean shook his head and Erin guessed he was about as comfortable around her as she was around him.

      You’d think all those years would have eased the awkwardness, Erin thought, rocking Caitlin. It was as if she and Dean were back in those unwieldy high school years when emotions were heightened and judgments abounded.

      But now, it felt as if the roles were reversed. She didn’t know where Dean was at in his life, but she wasn’t the girl she once was. The girl who thought herself too good for Dean Moore.

      “I think we should let the sisters spend some time together,” Dean said. “We should go.”

      Vic looked like he didn’t want to agree.

      “And I’m sure Lauren and Jodie want to get to know their niece,” Dean added.

      His voice held an odd tone and she shot a quick glance his way to figure out what he meant. But he wasn’t looking at her.

      She didn’t know why that bothered her. It was like she wasn’t there.

      “Okay. We’ll push off then,” Vic said, giving Lauren another brief kiss. “I’ll call you tonight.”

      Lauren’s soft smile for Vic gave Erin a tinge of jealousy. She was happy for her sister. Happy her life had come to this good place. But it was hard not to wonder what her own future looked like.

      Just before Dean left, his eyes drifted to Erin once more and for a heartbeat their gazes held.

      She wasn’t sure what to read into his enigmatic expression.

      Didn’t matter, she thought, cradling her head over Caitlin. She had other priorities and another focus.

      Dean Moore’s opinion of her wouldn’t affect her at all.

      * * *

      “I should change Caitlin,” Erin muttered, looking around for the diaper bag, as the guys left.

      “Here’s what you want,” Lauren said, bending over and picking up the bag from where it lay beside Caitlin’s car seat.

      “I’ll be right back,” Erin said, once again retreating to the washroom. She didn’t linger, however, and made quick work of changing her daughter’s wet diaper. Caitlin’s eyes were drawn to the lights above the sink and as she kicked her bare legs Erin felt again that wave of love. This tiny baby was so amazing.

      “Love you so much,” she whispered as she picked her fragile body up and held her close.

      Lauren was pouring water into the coffeemaker when she came back and Jodie was putting together a plate of snacks. Cheese and crackers and cookies.

      Her favorite white chocolate macadamia nut, from what Erin could see.

      “Just go sit down,” Lauren said, turning on the coffeemaker and then setting out some mugs.

      Erin walked into the living room and dropped into the nearest couch, finally giving in to the weariness that had fuzzed her brains and dragged at her limbs. She leaned back into the chair as she cradled her now-quiet daughter in her arms, letting herself absorb the familiarity of this place. She knew Lauren and especially Jodie had resented coming here those summers of their youth, after their parents’ divorce, but she’d always enjoyed it in spite of their taciturn father.

      “You look tired,” Jodie said as she brought the plate to the living room.

      “I am. Been driving most of today. It’s a good thing Caitlin was so well behaved for most of the trip.”

      She glanced around the room, then frowned as she noticed an empty space in one corner of the living area. “Did you sell your piano?”

      “No. We moved it to Finn’s place. A tuner was in Saddlebank to work on the church’s piano so we thought we would take the opportunity to move and tune mine while he was around.” Jodie sat down beside Erin, her hand reaching to touch Caitlin, now swathed in her linen blanket. “She’s so perfect,” she breathed, her finger trailing over her tender cheek.

      Erin’s throat tightened up. The words she had rehearsed all the way here now seemed pointless and superficial in the face of her sister’s acceptance. Then Lauren sat down across from her, her hands clasped between her knees, her blond hair hanging loose around her classical features.

      “You look amazing,” she said to Lauren. “I think being engaged agrees with you. Congratulations, by the way. I’m happy for you. For both of you.” Erin turned to Jodie, encompassing her younger sister in her congratulations as well. СКАЧАТЬ