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He was dizzy when he climbed off and lay there for a minute. It was Nina who had a very clear head.
She was not going to let him know how she felt about him; she looked over to where he lay with his eyes closed and decided that she’d save that piece for herself, because he was going to hurt her.
She knew it.
In two days or two weeks he would be out of here, and the only way she could carry on working alongside him was if he didn’t know he had her heart. There was a very small part of her that pondered, that allowed herself to think, what if? Except it wasn’t just about the two of them—Nina came with rather more baggage than most.
‘Thank you for a lovely break.’ She smiled at him and kissed him. ‘And now I really do have to work …’
She really did.
But Nina stopped for a cry a little bit later, because more than anything in the world she wanted her brother and sister, but she’d have also liked a little time to herself, to have said yes to Jack and be going away for a weekend, to just warm herself in the full spotlight of being Jack Carter’s lover.
For however long it might last.
NINA HATED GOING to court.
No, Nina hated going to court.
She dressed in her one court outfit and took more care than usual with her hair. Not that it mattered, because it got flattened by her hat as she battled the freezing rain, and when she arrived there and changed from her boots into her shoes, she was reminded again why she hated it so.
There was a ton of work to do back in her office; there were clients she really needed to see, but instead she spent most of the day hanging around court and drinking way too much coffee. When her computer battery died Nina gave up trying to work and read out-of-date magazines, and joy of joys, there was that Christmas one with the Carters on the cover.
She read the article with new eyes now.
Tried not to compare her life to his.
They were lovely people and so was their home.
Anna Carter was a gracious host, she read, who happily showed the reporter around.
Was she jealous as she glimpsed the sumptuous home Jack had grown up in? Or was she just bitter when she read about this close-knit family? How Jack Senior loved nothing more than a round of golf with his sons and that, yes, Anna couldn’t wait until one of her sons gave her grandchildren, which was, she confided, the only thing missing in her very blessed life.
She shouldn’t be jealous, Nina reasoned. That wasn’t what she was about. She didn’t want those sorts of things and, after all, the Carters more than gave back, they were as well known for their charity work as they were for their jet-set lifestyle.
She didn’t know how she felt, didn’t know why looking at these photos angered her so much. Maybe it was just that she knew she wasn’t good enough? Nina had been told that plenty of times in her life, so why would should it be different now?
She felt her phone buzz in her coat, knew it was Jack.
How’s court?
Nina didn’t answer—after all, she could be in the courtroom now, she reasoned.
How are you?
Nina didn’t answer that question either—she simply didn’t know.
She’d gone into this thing with him completely aware it was temporary, had shielded herself with that—she just hadn’t expected to like him so much. Lust, yes, fancy, yes, but she actually liked him, and maybe she was just fooling herself, maybe it was how Jack played things, but she was actually starting to think that he really liked her, which would be nice and everything, except …
Her phone buzzed again, but it wasn’t Jack this time but Blake, reminding her that she was picking him up at five.
Yes, when she’d far rather be busy, Nina was forced to sit and examine her feelings, because even if Jack might have no intention of ending things any time soon, in just a little while there would be no question of her sleeping over at his place, or long conversations in nice restaurants. There wouldn’t even be late nights staying back at the office to catch up on the backlog of work. Instead it would be homework and netball and babysitters …
And as much as she wanted her brother and sister, Nina was honest enough to admit that it was going to hurt to give her freedom up, and that was while knowing how much she loved them.
Why on earth would Jack, who didn’t?
The fact-finding hearing finally commenced at two p.m. Nina was actually glad at the effort she had put into the addendum and a judge who listened, because a dispositional hearing was scheduled and Nina breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped out and rang the office with the news.
‘Are you coming back in?’ Lorianna asked.
‘I’ve got Blake this weekend,’ Nina said, ‘so it will all just have to wait till Monday.’
‘I don’t think Jack Carter can wait till then …’ Nina rolled her eyes as Lorianna teased, ‘He’s stopped by here twice, looking for you.’
‘To discuss Tommy.’ Nina was so not going to fan the gossip. ‘He starts his chemotherapy next week and I’m trying to arrange some accommodation nearby for the father.’
She wished Blake’s social worker had taken distance into consideration when they had placed Blake. He lived miles from her and, given that she didn’t have a car, the trip during peak hour on a Friday night took for ever, as it would when she took him back on Sunday.
She was being ungrateful, Nina thought as she trudged up the Deans’ garden path. They were lovely people and had been caring for Blake for the last four years and adored him.
Or had.
When their daughter had emigrated, the Deans had looked into fostering and for three years things had run smoothly. But since their daughter’s return from overseas and two new grandchildren to get to know, Blake seemed to be being pushed out more and more. When Nina arrived, Blake was in his room.
‘Hi, there, Nina!’ Dianne opened the door and invited her in. ‘I’ll call Blake, he’s up in his room.’
Nina stood a little awkwardly in the hallway as Dianne called up to Blake, and though she chatted and was friendly, Nina could hear the laughter and chat coming from the lounge room and knew that Dianne was itching to get back to her family.
‘It’s my grandson’s second birthday.’ Dianne smiled. ‘We’re just having a little party for him.’
‘That’s lovely.’ Nina also smiled.
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