The Secrets of Her Past. Emilie Rose

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СКАЧАТЬ the agony started anew. She remembered the conversation she’d had with Andrew when he’d confessed Madison was making him look bad at the office and the glint in his eyes a few months later when they’d announced the surprise pregnancy.

      What had Andrew done? Had he taken her motherly advice the wrong way? And had the car accident been partly her fault?

      No. Madison had been driving. Andrew’s and little Daniel’s deaths were Madison’s fault. She had to believe that. She had to or she’d lose her mind.

      How could Danny “forgive and move on” so easily? Madison had told the police officer that she and Andrew had been arguing at the time of the crash, and she’d admitted to taking her eyes off the road. If that didn’t make her guilty, then what did?

      But Danny refused to listen. It was as if he’d closed the door on Andrew the day they’d walked away from his lifeless body here at this hospital. He refused to talk about their loss and got mad at her if she tried to. If not for the fact that he kept their son’s office exactly as Andrew had left it, she’d think Danny had forgotten Andrew had ever existed. But now she was beginning to suspect he’d kept the office waiting for Madison’s return.

      “When Madison comes home...” had become a hated chorus in their house. Danny yammered about her as if she was a saint who could do no wrong, the resurrection of all their hopes and dreams, one who would make their lives whole again. But their lives would never be the same—not without Andrew. You’d think Danny would realize that. Madison had made her lack of appreciation for all they’d done for her clear at every turn.

      “Mom.”

      She straightened at the sound of Adam’s voice and smoothed her expression as best she could before facing him. She didn’t want him to worry and wouldn’t let him know she clung to the cliff of her breaking point with splitting fingernails.

      “Please show Madison where the cafeteria is located.”

      She flinched, sloshing the swill in her cup. He wanted her to take care of his brother’s killer? It seemed like betrayal that he, too, expected her to forget Madison’s part in ruining their lives. “It’s in the basement and easy to find. There are signs to mark the way,” she said to Adam, ignoring Madison, who stood behind him.

      “I don’t have time to look for her if she gets lost, Mom. Just make sure she gets there and gets back, and grab something for yourself while you’re there. You haven’t eaten today.”

      She stared into her son’s implacable face. What he asked wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. But he could be as hardheaded as his father sometimes, and she couldn’t afford to offend Adam. If anything happened to Danny, Adam was all she had left.

      The panicked sensation began to swell again, making it difficult to draw a breath. She punched her anxiety like rising dough, then dropped the almost full cup into the trash can and headed for the elevators. Madison fell into step beside her. Helen said nothing. Her grandmother had taught her that if she didn’t have anything nice to say she shouldn’t speak at all.

      The wound Madison had inflicted was too deep to heal. Helen had never hated anyone in her life. The Bible said “forgive those who trespass against us,” and she had tried. But she was weak and she couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive Madison Monroe.

      The crowded elevator saved her from having to make conversation. She wedged herself into the opposite corner. Once they reached the cafeteria, the smell of the food made her nauseous. Needing to escape but unable to bear the idea of going back upstairs and seeing Danny hooked to machines and looking like death, she pivoted toward a table by the window. All she needed was five minutes to regroup, then she’d return to her bedside vigil.

      “Don’t you want something?” Madison called.

      “No.”

      She stared at the fountain in the walled courtyard outside. Her life was a lot like the koi’s. More often than not she felt as if she was swimming in circles and getting nowhere. Her existence had no purpose or meaning anymore. Preparing dinner for the boys used to be the highlight of her day. Then after Adam left it was only Andrew and Danny. Now Danny worked all the time. He seemed to prefer the office to their home and his animals’ and his staff’s company to hers.

      She’d been excited when Adam moved back to Norcross, but he had little time for his mother. Come to think of it, his avoidance of home had started soon after Madison and Andrew had become involved. On the rare times he had come home during a school vacation Adam had spent almost no time at the house. He’d preferred going out with his friends to hanging out with his brother—yet another reason to dislike the woman. She’d come between her sons, dissolving the closeness that only identical twins shared.

      Helen closed her eyes, blocking out the voices around her. She tried to remember the good ol’ days when she’d had all three Drake men sitting around her table. Three hungry males willing to try any recipe she served, and more often than not, she’d had a houseful of their friends, too. She’d been happy then.

      What would she do if Danny didn’t make it? The thought darted out of nowhere, catapulting her from her peaceful place.

      Don’t think that way.

      But she couldn’t help it. Other than lunches with the garden club every two months, Helen had nothing to entertain herself with except watching cooking shows on TV. When she experimented with new recipes, she usually ate them alone. Her labor-intensive meals had often turned into congealed messes by the time Danny got home.

      Madison set a lidded cup and a handful of creamers and sweeteners in front of Helen, then lowered into the chair across from her. “I suspect the coffee here is slightly better than upstairs. It doesn’t smell burned.”

      “I didn’t ask for that.” And she wouldn’t drink it. She didn’t want to be beholden to this woman for anything more than her help with Danny.

      “I know. But Adam gave me money and asked me to get you to eat. I didn’t know what you wanted.”

      “I’m not hungry.” Helen scanned Madison’s tray. A grilled chicken and spinach salad and a bottle of some kind of vitamin-fortified water. How could Madison eat at a time like this? If the surgeon hadn’t gotten everything, Danny could die. Even now there could be nasty cells floating around in his body looking for healthy tissue to attack.

      “Are you sure you don’t want something?”

      She battled another wave of fear. “No.”

      Madison stabbed the salad with her fork and put some into her mouth. She chewed, but she looked as if she derived no pleasure from the food. It hadn’t been that way when the two of them had shared the kitchen on weekends when Madison had come home from school. Bitterness welled inside Helen, burning the back of her throat like acid.

      “Do you know what the first questions out of Danny’s mouth were when he came out of anesthesia? ‘Where’s Madison? How’s my practice?’” Helen couldn’t keep the hostility and pain from her voice. She was no actress.

      “Danny defines himself by his job. Most men do.”

      “Danny is more than a veterinarian. He’s a husband and a father first. There’s more to life than his damned animals.”

      She bit her tongue. She never swore. It wasn’t ladylike. Her grandmother had raised her better. But to СКАЧАТЬ