Everywhere She Goes. Janice Johnson Kay

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СКАЧАТЬ their relationship was so stiff and distant, she wouldn’t blame him if he was less than thrilled.

      My fault.

      Yes, it was. He had tried. She knew he would have liked to be closer to her. Her feelings had been so complicated, her memories so muddled, she was the one to keep him at arm’s length. At the same time... Well, she remembered him walking her to school, holding her hand. With seemingly endless patience, Colin had taught her to ride a bike, not Dad or Mom. When she’d started playing soccer, he’d kicked the ball with her by the hour. He’d teased her, and put up with her trailing him around like a hopeful puppy even though he was six years older than her. He’d been sixteen when Mom had hurriedly packed her own and Cait’s things one day, loaded her in the car and driven away. By then Colin was a man, with a stubbly jaw come evening and a man’s muscles, capable of such terrifying anger and violence.

      The tumble of images and memories running like YouTube videos were so vivid and frightening, she put on her turn signal and pulled to the shoulder of the two-lane highway leading into town. Stopped, she clutched the steering wheel, closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

      Her father had hurt her mother. Hurt Cait, sometimes. Colin and Dad had fought viciously, even sometimes punching holes in walls or breaking furniture. How, growing up in that kind of environment, had she let herself get sucked into an abusive relationship? Shame rose in her, making it hard to breathe.

      Why? she cried inwardly, and had no answer.

      There was no way she could ever tell Mom. Cait didn’t know if she could bring herself to tell Colin, either. Except...if there was any chance at all that Blake were to follow her to Angel Butte, she’d have to, wouldn’t she? Wasn’t she there to interview for this job because of Colin? Because he was a cop, and she knew he’d protect her? Because he’d persisted in saying, “I’m your brother”?

      Yes. But...she could wait to see if Blake appeared, couldn’t she?

      Why did she care what Colin thought of her?

      Because. Because he was her brother. Because he loved her, and she knew it.

      The last time she had seen him, this past November when he’d come to Seattle for some kind of law enforcement conference, she had wanted to really talk to him, maybe even tell him she was in trouble. But Blake, of course, had insisted on going with her when she had dinner with her brother, so she’d found herself being stiff as always, struggling for anything to say, letting Blake dominate the conversation.

      There it was again, a burst of the shame. She didn’t understand herself at all. She was a professional, for heaven’s sake, smart, assertive on the job and in the classroom, well educated. Likable, with lots of friends—until she quit having time for them, because her boyfriend wanted all her time.

      Was achieving understanding of her own horrible choices too much to ask?

      Her breathing had grown calmer and her grip on the wheel more relaxed. She put on her turn signal, looked in the rearview mirror and pulled back out on the highway when there was an opening.

      She’d printed out directions to her brother’s house from the internet. Since it was only midafternoon and she assumed he wouldn’t be home, she took the time to drive first through the urban sprawl on the outskirts of the old town, then through downtown and marvel at the changes. A multiplex movie theater? Really? And Target and Staples and Home Depot and just about every fast-food chain restaurant in existence? In Angel Butte?

      On the main street, she spotted the old theater, where the whole family had occasionally seen movies, and where Colin had more often taken her. At least it still existed, although it looked as though it was a playhouse now. Which, come to think of it, was probably how it had started, so maybe that was fitting. Cait couldn’t believe the number of coffee shops and bistros, art galleries and boutiques. This was like a mini-Aspen or Leavenworth without the schmaltz. In early May, ski season was past, but that didn’t mean there weren’t still plenty of obvious tourists window-shopping and going in and out of restaurants.

      Cait’s stomach growled, and it occurred to her that she couldn’t exactly drop in at her brother’s at dinnertime and announce, Guess what! I came for a visit. Especially since he’d gotten married only two months ago. Cait had read about his new wife, Madeline Noelle Dubeau, although the wedding invitation had made it plain that she went by Nell. Even in far-off Seattle, it had been impossible not to read about Maddie Dubeau, miraculously found after she’d disappeared when she was fifteen. Cait even remembered Maddie. She kind of thought they were in a class together. Third grade? Fourth, maybe? She was a skinny, shy girl, but really smart. Cait and she were in the top reading and math groups together. It was Colin who had brought Maddie home to Angel Butte and protected her when someone tried to kill her. Cait found herself really hoping that Maddie—no, Nell—truly loved Colin.

      The whole idea of showing up out of the blue was a horrible one. What had she been thinking?

      Ahead she spotted an obviously new, redbrick public safety building that, according to the sign, housed both police station and jail. Colin was likely in there right this minute.

      Cait grabbed the first open curbside parking spot, then took out her phone. Scrolling to Colin’s cell phone number took only a few seconds. Working up the courage to actually call him—that was harder.

      * * *

      FILLED WITH CONFLICTING emotions, Colin turned into his driveway. He stopped long enough to hop out and grab the mail and newspaper, but he didn’t even glance at the headlines.

      Cait was here. In Angel Butte. Dazed, he shook his head. Damn, better than that, she was really here, meeting him at home. Potentially, home to stay.

      He only wished he understood why. The familiar reserve had been in her voice when she’d called, and he couldn’t get a good read on her, but she had admitted that she hadn’t made hotel reservations and, when he’d asked her to stay with him and Nell, she’d accepted. Not until they set a time and ended the call had it hit him what job she had undoubtedly applied for.

      Director of community development, working right under that slimy bastard Noah Chandler. Of course, since Colin and Cait hadn’t talked since she’d called with an excuse for not attending his wedding, she didn’t yet know what kind of man Chandler was. And might not care what Colin thought, he realized; why would she, given the barely-there state of their relationship?

      A strange car sat in front of his garage. A peanut like Nell’s, this hatchback differed in being shiny and new-looking. He pulled in next to it, and his sister got out of the driver’s side.

      He met her near their rear bumpers. “You look good,” were the first words out of his mouth.

      She smiled, and suddenly that smile was wobbling and there were tears in her eyes. “Colin.”

      He took a couple of steps, she took a couple and then they had their arms wrapped around each other, and he laid his cheek against her hair.

      “Damn, Cait,” he murmured. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

      She gave a choked laugh. “I’m not sure I can believe it, either.”

      They separated slowly, reluctantly on his part. He couldn’t be sure how she felt, although something was different about her from the last time he’d seen her. Her face was more open. She was looking him over as frankly as he studied her, her gray eyes a match for his.

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