A Child's Christmas. Kate James

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СКАЧАТЬ and held her tightly as Paige’s body shook in despair.

      When the tears changed into dry, hitching gasps, Paige pulled back and wiped her eyes with her fingertips. Accepting the tissue Mrs. Bennett offered, she blew her nose and fought to collect herself. “The doctor...he feels Jason’s only chance now is surgery to remove the tumor. But even if I could afford it...” She choked back a sob. “The tumor’s too big right now, and the risks are significant. His chances of survival are...low.”

      Mrs. Bennett’s eyes filled with tears, too. “I know it’s hard. But think about all the challenges he’s already overcome.”

      Paige raised anguished eyes to Mrs. Bennett’s.

      “Wasn’t Jason just three when he was first diagnosed? And didn’t you both get through it, despite his father deserting you?” When Paige was about to interrupt, Mrs. Bennett raised her hand. “I know what you’re going to say in his defense. ‘It wasn’t that simple.’ But let’s face it. He abandoned you. You and Jason were both strong and determined, and you made it through. Then the tumor came back.”

      The horrific day when Paige learned the tumor had recurred the first time was indelibly etched in her mind, as today would be. “Yes, it came back five months later.”

      “And?”

      “And...” Paige said in a whisper, “Jason underwent treatment and made it through again.”

      “Twice you’ve beaten it. Twice. Can’t you believe you can beat it again? And this time for good?”

      “I’d like to think so, but I don’t know.” Paige shook her head. “I just don’t know.”

      “What did the doctor say about treatment?”

      “Jason has to undergo aggressive treatment again.” She tried to stay composed, but the tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “The oncologist is recommending a new cancer drug that’s still in the clinical trial stage. It specifically targets the cancer cells to shrink the tumor so they can do the surgery. With the size of the tumor now, surgery isn’t an option. The drugs are going to make Jason very sick, just like the last time. How much can he take?” Paige broke down again.

      “There, there,” Mrs. Bennett soothed. “As much as he needs to.”

      “But Christmas... He’ll be going through the worst of it at Christmas. And this might be his last...” Her voice trailed off, and she glanced at his bedroom door. “With the limitations on my healthcare plan, I have no idea how I’ll handle the medical expenses, let alone give him a special Christmas.”

      “If you need to work more hours, it’s no trouble for me to watch Jason. And what about one of those charities that helps people with sick kids?”

      Things might have been tight, but Paige had always managed. She knew there were many needy, deserving people who relied on the generosity of the more fortunate, but she didn’t feel comfortable with receiving charity. She thought of her ex-husband, and her resolve grew. It was pride speaking as she said, “Jason is my responsibility.”

      “But there are organizations that help parents make sick kids’ Christmas wishes come true. That’s all I’m talking about.”

      Paige relented a little. “Oh, yes, of course. But I’ve also heard they have long waiting lists. This close to Christmas, they probably have more families than they can handle.”

      Mrs. Bennett patted Paige’s hand. “Leave it with me. Let me look into it for you.” Her voice softened. “Dear...?”

      When Paige’s eyes met hers again, Mrs. Bennett continued. “Have you told your mother?”

      Paige’s shoulders sagged. “Oh, good heavens, no.”

      “Now, Paige. You have to tell her, especially if...” She left the sentence unfinished, but Paige understood. Her parents might have limited time to see Jason.

      Paige rubbed her temples. “I don’t know. Mom already has so much to cope with. Dad’s not doing well. His Alzheimer’s is progressing. Mom has her hands full just dealing with day-to-day living.”

      Mrs. Bennett nodded sadly. “But do you really think your mother would want you to keep this from her?”

      “No.” Paige exhaled. “No, I don’t.” She had no siblings, so Jason was their only grandchild. She had to tell them.

      All of a sudden, she felt impossibly weary but somewhat steadier. “Thank you for talking this through with me. It’s helped a lot. Now we both need to get some sleep.”

      When Mrs. Bennett rose to clear the tea neither of them had drunk, Paige stopped her. “Please don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it.” When Mrs. Bennett hesitated, Paige added, “Tomorrow. I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

      Still, when Paige closed and locked the door behind her neighbor, she went about the task of clearing up. She was exhausted, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Even mindless tasks were a distraction, and preferable to lying in bed with sleep eluding her and worries crowding her mind.

      * * *

      OVER THE COURSE of a long, sleepless night, Paige decided that not only did she have to tell her mother, she needed to do it sooner rather than later. If she didn’t, her mother—understandably—would never forgive her. She had a right to know. The question was how she should go about it...

      Paige tried to be as cheerful as possible as she made Jason breakfast and helped him get ready for school.

      As they were saying good-bye on the steps of his school building, Jason looked up at her, his face solemn, and asked, “Are you okay, Mom?”

      She was quick to assure him, “Of course, sweetheart.”

      He studied her carefully, his eyes mature beyond his years, and she wondered if he could sense that she was lying to him for the first time in his life.

      “Okay.” He scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the concrete step. “It’ll be like before, won’t it?”

      Paige knew he was referring to his treatment. At least in this, she could be honest. “I’m not sure, but I think so.” She recognized every expression, every nuance of his face. “Your head hurts, doesn’t it, sweetie?”

      He nodded. “Yeah, but it’s okay, Mom.”

      “Oh, baby. Come here.” She opened her arms. He threw his small body against hers, and she hugged him fiercely.

      They held on to each other for a while. Then Paige kissed Jason good-bye and watched him walk up the stairs, open the door and disappear inside the school. Only when he was completely out of sight did her legs buckle. She crumpled to the steps. Burying her face in her hands, she let the sobs burst forth.

      * * *

      PAIGE DIDN’T GO straight home. She couldn’t stand the thought of being in the empty apartment. As she was on the evening shift this week, she wasn’t due at work until seven. She walked along the town’s cobblestone streets. She sat on a bench in the square and watched the coal-black squirrels scurry over the light dusting of snow, foraging for food. Finally, СКАЧАТЬ