Hitched to the Horseman. Stella Bagwell

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СКАЧАТЬ having necessities was the difference between living or dying. The word maid didn’t exist in that reality.

      Geraldine turned a sympathetic smile on her daughter. “And the party last night went on forever,” she conceded. “I guess I should have waited to throw it. But everyone has been so excited about you coming home. I didn’t want to wait.”

      Nodding that she understood, Mercedes went over to the queen-size bed and sat on the edge of the mattress. “I’m glad you didn’t wait. I enjoyed seeing everyone again.”

      Geraldine walked over to a nearby armchair and sank into it. As she crossed her long legs, Mercedes couldn’t help thinking that her mother had hardly aged the past eight years. She was quite slim and shapely for a woman of sixty-four. Her complexion was tanned and smooth, while her silver hair sparkled with life. This past year, she’d started to date again, a widowed Texas senator. Mercedes admired her courage and was especially glad that she’d never given up on life after her husband had died.

      The way you’ve given up on men? Maybe she had given up on men, she told herself, but she had good reason—they weren’t to be trusted.

      “Darling, we’ve not done anything to this room since you left for the Air Force,” Geraldine commented as she looked around the room. “Maybe you’d like a change. New paint? Drapes? Furniture?”

      The walls of the room were a soft, textured pink and the furniture was antique heavy oak that had been here since her grandparents’ heyday. She didn’t want to change a thing about the room. It was herself that Mercedes needed to change. But she didn’t have a clue how to start. How did a person forget pain and betrayal? How could she ever have a family of her own if she couldn’t trust a man to take out the garbage on time, much less take care of her heart?

      Mercedes’s gaze joined her mother’s as it traveled around the walls that were crowded with photos and paintings, then down to the Spanish tile scattered with thick looped throw rugs. “There’s nothing wrong with this room, Mother. I don’t want it changed.”

      Seeming not to hear her, Geraldine went on, “Well, since Nicci’s moved out, you could take over her room if you like it better.”

      Now that Nicci had married Ridge and given birth to a new daughter, Sara Rose, her sister’s bedroom was empty. As empty as Mercedes’s heart.

      “No,” Mercedes said flatly. “I’m happy here.”

      Geraldine’s lips pursed together. “You hardly look as if you’re happy, Mercedes. And I don’t mean to push you, but frankly, I’m worried about you, honey. I thought—” She paused and shook her head with frustration. “Well, let’s just say that I hoped coming home would make you feel differently about things.”

      Mercedes plucked at the knobby bedspread. “What things?”

      “Well, dammit, I’m not going to beat around the bush with you. I never have, so I don’t guess I should start now. I’m talking about that bastard—John. And don’t tell me that you’re still not moping about him. I would have thought that after eight years, you would have gotten the man out of your system. But no, I still catch you staring off into space with that my-world-has-ended look. Frankly, Mercedes, I’m sick of seeing it.”

      Geraldine’s angry words snapped Mercedes’s head up. “That’s not true! I’m not moping about John Layton. Good Lord, Mother, it’s like you just said, that was more than eight years ago!”

      “But you haven’t forgotten.”

      How could she forget the most humiliating, heartbreaking experience of her life? John had been her history professor at the University of Texas. He’d been a quiet, serious man, highly intellectual and handsome to boot. When he’d first shown a romantic interest in Mercedes, she’d been completely bowled over by his charm. Later, as their relationship had progressed into a full-blown affair, she’d truly believed that he loved her and wanted to marry her. She’d thought that the two of them together could conquer the world. God, she’d looked at him and the world through rosecolored glasses.

      Sighing, she tried to explain. “Look, Mother, I believed John was the love of my life. I thought he was going to be my husband. The father of my children!”

      “Instead, you learned in an offhanded way that he already had a wife with a child on the way. Believe me, Mercedes, that would have been enough to wipe all memories of love or anything else from my mind. Apparently, you’re different from me. I guess I’m just too hard-hearted to let some noaccount, playboy college professor ruin my life.”

      It was just like her mother to lay the whole affair out in such blunt terms. She didn’t play favorites with her children. She treated them all with the same tough love.

      “I don’t still care for the man, if that’s what you’re thinking, Mother. In fact, I couldn’t care less what has happened to him. It’s just that the whole thing with John made me see how easy it is to be duped by a man. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to trust another one.”

      Mercedes didn’t go on to explain to her mother that John’s deception was only a part of her reluctance to enter another relationship with a man. Three years ago, she’d been terribly betrayed by Airman Drew Downy. Because of him, her security status had been lowered and she’d been reprimanded severely for her lapse in judgment. It had taken months of hard work for her to regain the trust of her superior officers. All because she’d trusted a man. Because she’d believed he was a good friend and had truly cared for her. But instead of being loyal, Drew had blown the whistle on her for sharing classified secrets that he had prompted her to disclose. The memory still made her cringe with humiliation and hurt.

      Even though Drew hadn’t been her lover, Mercedes had believed their relationship might grow and blossom into something lasting. When she finally figured out that he was only using her to show himself in a positive light, she’d been crushed and shocked that she’d once again so misjudged a man. After that, she’d gone numb and so guarded that she was reluctant to even share the time of day with a male counterpart in a social context.

      “God help you,” Geraldine murmured.

      Trying to swallow away the ball of bitterness in her throat, Mercedes thrust a hand through her thick hair. “Mother, I have other things on my mind. And they hardly revolve around finding a man.”

      Looking extremely disgusted now, Geraldine tapped her fingers against the arm of the chair. “Okay. So you want to put sex and love and marriage last on your to-do list. What’s first?”

      Mercedes quickly glanced away from her mother as this morning’s encounter with Gabe danced through her thoughts. Sex had hardly been the last thing on her mind when he’d planted that sizzling lock on her lips. But pure sex was all it had been, she told herself. And she wasn’t planning on letting it happen again. Not if she could help it.

      Trying to shake the memory away, she said firmly, “I want to be productive, Mother. Useful. I want to feel as though I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

      Clearly concerned with her daughter’s attitude, Geraldine left the chair and came to stand in front of Mercedes. “Honey, I know with your training in intelligence you could easily get a job most anywhere you wanted. You’d be making good money—not that you need it, but you’d have it to fall back on if, God forbid, the ranch ever slid into a losing hole. But I’m not all that sure that throwing yourself into a government job is what you really need at this time in your life.”

      Not СКАЧАТЬ