A Baby Between Them. C.J. Carmichael

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СКАЧАТЬ Rae’s instincts warned her that she wasn’t going to be fine.

      Something was going to go wrong. She didn’t know what. She just knew it. Which was strange, because she wasn’t usually the type to indulge in premonitions.

      She noticed Annie eyeing her speculatively. “I suppose you think I’m a freak because I don’t want to keep this baby?”

      “Well…if a woman isn’t cut out to be a mother, it’s better that she has the courage to admit it up front. I’ve delivered plenty of babies to families that weren’t fit to raise them. Alcoholic mothers. Abusive fathers.” Annie’s eyes became still more glazed, as she thought back to the past. “Just about broke my heart to pass those little bundles to those parents. In fact, one time I didn’t. Got into a little trouble with the law over that.”

      “What kind of trouble?”

      “Never mind, hon. It all worked out in the end. I finally persuaded the powers that be that the child’s needs had to come first.”

      “Well, I’m not an alcoholic and I’d like to think I’m not abusive, either.” Though her personal assistant at work might disagree with that second point. “But there are other ways of being an unfit mother.”

      “Sure there are.”

      “A child knows when she isn’t wanted. That kind of emotional abuse is just as bad as getting used as a punching bag, don’t you think?”

      Now Annie’s eyes were suddenly sharp. And focused on her.

      Rae realized she needed to cover her tracks. “I mean, that’s what I think. But you’re the expert. I’d like to know your opinion.”

      “Being loved is the most important thing. You’re absolutely right about that.”

      “Exactly. And some women just don’t have the maternal makeup to deal with a crying baby or a snotty-nosed toddler.” Or a chubby, school-age child who turned into a gangly, awkward adolescent.

      “Some women don’t.” Annie’s tone was completely nonjudgmental.

      “Did you have children, Annie?”

      “No. Funny, isn’t it? I was too busy helping other women delivering babies to have any of my own. Never met the right man to have them with. Most wanted me to give up my career and I would never do that.”

      “Me, either.”

      Annie reached across the table to pat her hand. “My career provided me with a very full and satisfying life. Are you sure that yours will be enough for you?”

      “Of course it will. Before I found out I was pregnant, I was very happy.” Okay, “happy” might be a bit of an exaggeration.

      Once, before she’d met Aidan, she’d been close to happy. Satisfied, actually. Her mother’s death had released her from a lifetime of guilt and melancholy, and her career had been taking off. As for men, she’d dated occasionally, but she’d felt no emotional connection to any of them.

      She assumed the flaw was hers. She had something missing in her, emotionally. Given her childhood, that wasn’t surprising.

      But then she’d met Aidan, and for the first time in her life she’d experienced it all: emotional ups and downs, the thrill of seeing him walk into the room and dizzy joy when he actually smiled at her. Suddenly, all the romantic songs she heard on the radio made sense to her. She had rented a DVD of The Way We Were and actually cried.

      “It’s your life, Rae. Just make sure that you focus on the things that are important to you.” Annie’s attention shifted back to the farmhouse. “Aidan is waving at us. I think it’s time for you to go.”

      Rae looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, there was Aidan, walking with Jennifer by his side. They looked so relaxed and easy together.

      What would it be like to have a friend like that? A friend you’d known forever, someone you could really talk to?

      As a child, she hadn’t been good at making friends. The closest she’d come was the next-door neighbor. Effie had been gray-haired and plump. She had a large extended family in Greece, but she’d lived alone since her children had grown up and her husband had died. She’d seemed to enjoy Rae’s visits.

      Rae would drop over for a piece of honey-soaked baklava, or one of the sugar-coated kourabiedes Effie baked for Christmas, and Effie would talk. Effie always had something to say, usually anecdotes about her childhood in Greece, and Rae would sit and listen, feeling wonderfully safe and warm.

      Yes, those afternoons she had felt happy.

      But when Rae was sixteen, Effie had decided to move back to Greece. Her house was sold to a family with three young children; a couple of times the mother asked Rae to babysit, but she always claimed to have too much homework.

      “Ready to head home?” Aidan asked.

      She nodded, then sighed and untangled her bulk from the picnic bench. Once she was standing, she held out a hand to Jennifer’s aunt.

      “It was really interesting talking to you, Annie.”

      Annie took hold of her hand as if she didn’t intend to let go. “I have more stories to tell you. And cream for your belly. You come back and see me soon.”

      “I will,” Rae promised. To her surprise, she really wanted to.

      AT TWO IN THE MORNING, Rae woke up. She needed to pee. This was getting old, not sleeping through the night.

      And the floor was cold. Where were her slippers? Her housecoat was on the chair where she’d left it, but the slippers were missing in action.

      Rae opened her door and headed down the hall. A night-light had been plugged into one of the wall sockets, probably for Autumn’s benefit, but Rae was grateful for it, too.

      From the far end of the hall, a line of light glowed beneath the door to Aidan’s room.

      Why was he up at this hour?

      Probably he couldn’t fall asleep. Rae could understand. When she’d found out she was pregnant, she hadn’t slept at all for several nights. It wasn’t her fault that Aidan had discovered the news so late, and Rae refused to feel guilty about it. If Aidan hadn’t deliberately isolated himself from her, he would have known.

      She slipped into the bathroom, took care of business, then headed back to her room. She’d almost made it, too, when Aidan’s door opened.

      He was still wearing the jeans and shirt he’d had on earlier in the evening.

      “Having trouble sleeping?” he asked her.

      “That last glass of water was a big mistake.” She tightened the sash on her bathrobe. Which was another mistake, since she only ended up emphasizing the roundness of her stomach. She saw Aidan’s gaze go there. Linger there.

      Hey, buddy. I have a face.

      “What about you?” she asked, grudgingly. “Need a sleeping pill?” She couldn’t use them in her condition, but СКАЧАТЬ