Once a Rebel. Sheri WhiteFeather

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СКАЧАТЬ you helped her?”

      “Oh, sure.” He laughed a little. “I helped her come to the conclusion that she was still in love with her husband.”

      Susan dipped into the salsa, waking up her taste buds. “I guess she isn’t working tonight.”

      “Not tonight or any other night. She doesn’t work here anymore.” He frowned at her. “Did you think I picked this place because of her? I don’t play those kinds of games.”

      “I didn’t see it as a game. Besides, I heard that we look alike.”

      “Who? You and Amber?” He sat back in his chair, the frown digging deeper into his skin. “Who told you that?”

      “Cathy.”

      “Cathy?”

      “The teenager whose mom used to babysit Amber’s son.”

      “Oh, that Cathy. The kid who sneaks cigarettes. I’ll bet she got to you.”

      “Yes, she did. In fact, she’s the reason I came to see you. But first I want to know if what she said is true.”

      He gave her a point-blank stare. “Why? Is it some sort of crime for me to sleep with petite blondes?”

      “So we do look alike.”

      “Not enough to mix you up. And I didn’t even recognize you when I first saw you.”

      Which meant that Amber looked more like the way she used to look. Longer hair, darker makeup, sexier clothes. “It could be a Freudian crime.”

      He broke into a smile. “Then you should cure me. Take me to bed or something.”

      “Nice try.” She smiled, too, but her pulse was tripping like an acid-dropping hippie. Even the flame on the candle was jumping.

      The waitress came by to take their food order. Suddenly Susan was glad the other woman was a brunette. It was foolish to feel that way, but she couldn’t help it. She was getting territorial about Ethan.

      By the time their meals arrived, she almost convinced herself that she should sleep with him. Almost. But somewhere in the recesses of her brain, she knew an affair would do spongy things to her heart. In spite of her teenage track record, sex had never been casual. For Susan, it came with a price. An emotional price, where attachments were formed, where she needed her partners to care, even the boys who’d passed her around like candy.

      She watched Ethan attack his combination platter. He mixed up his food, the chili rellenos and tamales that sat beside hearty helpings of rice and beans.

      “Why didn’t you kiss me when we were young?” she asked, her thoughts mired in the past. “I knew you wanted to. I could feel it every time we were together.”

      He nearly dropped his fork. “What kind of question is that?”

      “An honest one.”

      “I didn’t want to hurt you. To become part of your pain.”

      “But the way you looked at me gave me false hope.”

      “Okay, fine.” He frowned, steadied his fork. “You want the whole truth? I wanted to heal you, to sweep you into my world and make you mine. But the idea of losing you scared me. I knew you wouldn’t stay in Texas.”

      Her breath went still; her mind went into its Ph.D. mode. “Who abandoned you, Ethan? Who was I representing?”

      “No one. Christ Almighty.” He cursed under his breath, then looked up, apologizing, it seemed, to the Man above. “Does everything we do have to be dissected? Analyzed? Chewed up and spit out?”

      Guilty as charged, she thought.

      “Besides,” he went on, “now that we’re older, I’ve been chasing you like a rutting bull. I think that makes us even.”

      She looked into his eyes and saw his pain, the rejection she was causing. “I’m sorry. But now it’s my turn to be afraid. To be wary of an attachment.”

      “Maybe I can teach you how to get over it.” He gave her a gentle smile. “Some things aren’t meant to last. Sometimes we have to take life as it comes.”

      He was right. But he was wrong, too. Sometimes people had to protect their hearts. “I don’t have affairs anymore. Not without some sort of commitment.”

      “Does it have to be a long-term commitment?”

      “I like to hope it does. My last two relationships lasted for quite a few years. They didn’t work out, but at least I tried.”

      He lifted his water and took a swig. “Mine never last. But I’m not saying that I won’t make a long-term commitment. That it won’t ever happen.”

      She nodded, recalling that he wanted a wife and children someday. “Maybe you’re not as detached as you seem.”

      “Detached? I’m falling at your feet, woman.”

      “Because you want sex.”

      “I settled for friendship, didn’t I?”

      “Yes, you did.” And he was turning into a darn good friend, someone she was able to confide in.

      “Do you want to talk about Cathy?” he asked. “Dissect her for a while?”

      “And take the pressure off of us? Sure.” She took a bite of the enchilada she’d barely touched, grateful her appetite was coming back. Cathy was the reason she’d accepted his dinner invitation. Amber, too. But she’d already grilled him about his ex. “Tell me what you know about her.”

      “She’s fourteen, I think. And she’s originally from California.”

      She scooted closer to the table. “Northern California?”

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