Our Fragile Hearts. Buffy Andrews

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СКАЧАТЬ for the first time. I was about Piper’s age and I came home from school to find a strange lady and two policemen at the apartment. Mom was sitting on the couch surrounded by empty bottles of vodka. Her hair was messy and she smelled like she’d been rooting around in the dumpster outside.

      “Hi, Rachel,” the tall lady in the black pants and jacket had said. “My name is Miss Helen and I’m going to take you to another place to live for a while.”

      “But what about Mommy?”

      “We are going to get your mommy some help. And while she’s getting help, you’ll live with a wonderful woman. Her name is Miss Evelyn and she lives in a big house on the other side of town. Is that all right with you?”

      I’d bitten my lower lip. “Will she feed me?”

      “Yes, of course she’ll feed you. And she’ll make sure you get a bath and brush your hair and help you with your schoolwork. And when your mommy is better, you can come back here to live.”

      I loved Miss Evelyn. Her home was the only home I ever felt safe in. It’s also where I met my best friend, Claire. She came to live with Miss Evelyn about a month after I did. We both wished we could live with her forever.

      I looked at Piper. Her blue eyes turned glassy and her heart-shaped chin wobbled.

      “Sorry, Piper. That came out wrong. I’ll be at the bus stop when you come home. Promise.”

      Piper didn’t ask any more questions and managed to finish most of her cereal before we headed for the bus stop in front of the entrance to our apartment complex. I definitely felt out of place standing beside all of the moms and dads. I kept hearing in my head, “One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong.”

      Me, that’s who. I didn’t belong. I had a life. A decent life before I got the phone call that changed it forever.

      I watched as parents pulled out their cellphones to take first-day-of-school photos. I imagined Facebook feeds inundated with photos marking the special event. I didn’t want Piper to feel different or any less special, so I pulled out my phone and took a picture of her. I remembered my first day of school. Mom sent me to the bus stop – alone. She was nursing a hangover and never made it off the couch. She was everything a mom shouldn’t be. Her drinking only got worse the older I got. She went into rehab when I left and got sober. Then Piper came along. A new beginning. She had a chance to be the kind of mom she should’ve been to me. Only it didn’t last. Good things rarely do.

      Piper tugged on my shirt. I looked down. “What?”

      “I have to pee.”

      I sighed. “Really? You can’t hold it?”

      She shook her head and her blonde curls bounced.

      “Come on.” I grabbed her hand and turned to walk back to the apartment. Just then I heard the bus screech as it rounded the corner. I was not happy. I had to get to work and now I’d have to take Piper to school.

      “I told you to go to the potty before we left.”

      “I didn’t have to go then.”

      I opened our apartment door and marched her inside. “Go.”

      “And then I can stay home with you, right?”

      I counted to ten, trying to keep myself from blowing up. “No, you can’t. You have to go to school. It’s the law. If you don’t go to school, I’ll get in trouble. Now go pee so we can go.”

      “I don’t have to pee anymore.”

      “Damn it, Piper!”

      She folded her arms. “You said a bad word.”

      “And I’m going to say more bad words if you ever pull another stunt like this again.”

      I grabbed my keys and purse and marched her out to the car. Piper squirmed in her seat as I yanked the seatbelt and buckled her in, tugging on the strap to make sure it was secure.

      I was so mad that I didn’t talk for the first mile. But then I started to feel bad because I really wanted Piper to have a good first day and it’d started out all wrong. I looked over at her. “Sorry, Piper. Look. Don’t do that again, okay? Don’t tell me you have to pee when you really don’t. I know you’re worried about school but I think you’ll like it. You’re smart and friendly and you color better than any five-year-old I know. I’ll be at the bus stop when you come home. Promise.”

      Piper sniffed. “I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

      I reached over and patted her shoulder. “I know you didn’t, but when you do stuff like that it makes my life more difficult. And it’s difficult enough.”

      “Sorry, Rachel.”

      “So you’re not going to lie ever again, right?”

      Piper nodded.

      “Remember the story I told you about the little boy who cried wolf? When a real wolf came, no one believed him because he’d lied so many times before. Don’t be like that little boy. Don’t tell me you have to pee when you don’t.”

      Piper squirmed in her seat. “I won’t.”

      “Promise?”

      “Promise.”

      I pulled into the school parking lot, busy with buses pulling in and out. I found a spot near the playground. “Look at the swings and the slide and monkey bars. They look like fun.”

      Piper peeked out of the window in the direction I’d pointed. Her tiny bow lips curved slightly upward. “Maybe I can swing today.”

      I patted her knee. “Maybe. I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun surprises today. Ready?”

      She nodded and I got out of the car and walked around to her side and opened the door. She crawled out and I helped her put on her Pink Princess backpack, positioning the glittery straps over her narrow shoulders. We’d started walking toward the main entrance when I felt her delicate hand brush against mine. I wrapped my fingers around hers and we walked hand in hand into the building.

      The office was bustling with parents coming and going. We stood in line behind a tall man in a suit and a girl who looked to be about Piper’s age. The girl stared at Piper, her black eyes swallowing her pretty face. She flashed a bright white smile at Piper and Piper turned toward me, mushing her tiny body against my leg. I smiled. “Hi. What’s your name?”

      She mashed her lips together as if she was trying to keep from talking.

      The man she was with turned around and smiled. “Go ahead, tell the nice lady what your name is.”

      She looked up at the man, the tiny black braids hugging her head flopping about.

      He arched his eyebrows and nodded. “Don’t be rude. Answer the mother’s question.”

      I gasped. It wasn’t the first time I’d been mistaken for Piper’s mother, but it still made me catch my breath, especially СКАЧАТЬ